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Argh! This is really winding me up!

22 replies

PrettyCandles · 20/08/2006 19:31

3.5yo dd is doing something new: towards the end of main course she holds the last mouthful in her mouth and won't swallow it. It's happened every lunch and supper for the two days. We leave her to sit at the table while we finish off, have pudding, clear up and leave. Eventually she coughs or cries and it all sprays out.

It started off when she took a big mouthful of something she (and we) thought she would like, but disliked the texture intensely. Since then it's been stuff she likes - just now it was sardines, which she usually absolutely bolts down as she like them so much.

It's driving us up the wall! What on earth can we do about this?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
edam · 20/08/2006 19:34

nothing springs to mind except leaving her to get on with it - hopefully she'll get bored in a few days. Just when you think you've got them taped they always come up with something new and interesting to trip you up...

PrettyCandles · 20/08/2006 21:03

Bumping.

Dh are sitting here wracking our brains trying to work out how to cope with this.

Dh suggests that we should get dd to spit out her mouthful and then send her down from the table without finishing her meal.

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hairymclary · 20/08/2006 21:10

I would ignore it. Don't even acknowledge it, don't try and make her eat it or encourage her to swallow/spit.
I'd just say "would you like some pudding now?"
If she doesn't answer then carry on as you normally would and leave her to get on with it

aviatrix · 20/08/2006 21:45

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PrettyCandles · 20/08/2006 22:29

She answers, but you try talking with your mouth firmly closed! So do you think we should serve her pudding?

I've tried asking her (after the event), but I don't think she knows - she's only 3 after all.

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Frizbe · 20/08/2006 22:31

If she's a plate clearer, you could always whip the plate away before she chucks the last mouthful in?

PrettyCandles · 20/08/2006 22:41

She's generally an excellent eater - sometimes loses momentum during a meal, but if left to get on with it (or given the encouragement of having her fork loaded up a couple of times) generally sets to again and finishes off most of her plateful. Can't predict when she'll 'strike' - am amazed that she did it part way through her sardine!

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aviatrix · 20/08/2006 22:42

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hairymclary · 20/08/2006 22:48

yes i'd give her pudding because I think you don't want to make a huge deal out of it

fluffymum · 21/08/2006 14:13

Hi there pc, my 3 yrold boy does this too and it drives us barmy too! Always when he is a bit full or tired i think. He can chew and chew and there is no telling him to swallow! My tricks are to give him a bit of drink, ask him to look up at the ceiling to see if he can find the "spider" that usually gets the reflex going. Also if you swallow that yo can have this (crisp/grape etc). The other thing he does is stuff loads of food in his mouth and then nearly chokes because he has too much in there...scarey! We do try not to give too much attention for this but he can hold food in his mouth for ages. Do you have any other children...we have a 10 month old and i wonder if it may be linked to that in some way ie, an attention thing? He hasn't done it for a couple of days and that could be beacuse we have bee trying to ignore it. We'll see.

fluffymum · 21/08/2006 14:14

By the way, I'd also say yes to pudding.

scotchick · 21/08/2006 14:18

My ds1 (7) used to do this years ago, probably about 3yo. Tbh we didn't know what to do - once I dug my heels in and said nothing and did nothing and I specifically remember having to get him to spit it out 2 HOURS LATER!!! He grew out of it, that's all I can say!

lazycow · 21/08/2006 15:11

Agree with HC . I would ignore it and ask her if she wants pudding. If she nods give her the pudding, if she ignores you or seems not to want the pudding just go on as normal and be thankful you don't have child who constantly wants to get down. If she is happy to sit there with her mouth full and makes no fuss - take the opportunity to enjoy your meal.

When she eventually spits it out - ignore her if she just spits it out. If she coughs/cries or seems upset I'd be sympathetic and say something like 'oh dear, that doesn't look like much fun, maybe next time it would be better to spit it out sooner or to swallow it'.

I really would try and igniore it as much as possible.

PrettyCandles · 22/08/2006 22:51

After a break of a couple of days (during which time we went to my parents and to a playdate) she did it again tonight. I took your advice, totally cool about it, continued with the meal as usual, offered her pudding, she nodded, gave her and her brother their icecream mini-cones, then left them at the table to get on with it. About 15m later (ds long since finished and got down) whimpers of distress and clearly calling me without opening her mouth, so I return to find the icecream over her fists and her mouthful still there. "Do you want me to clean that up?" nods, so I clean it up, collect all the melted icecream and the cone, and bin it all. Then leave again.

She held that mouthful in her mouth for over an hour. Even got down from the table, came to play in the playrrom, wet herself, went upstairs and fetched clean clothes and came down again. All without chewing or swallowing.

In the end dh dealt with it. I don't know what he did, but I imagine he must have got her to spit it out before taking the children up for baths.

ARGH!

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sleepysooz · 22/08/2006 23:17

PrettyCandles - you poor thing, it must be distressing, cause I'd be worried in case of choking! but I think previous threads seem to think ignore it, or their child grew out of it.

I'm sorry you have my sympathy, but I have no tips! I just don't know how I would deal with this, dd obviously distressed aswell!

Sorry!

hairymclary · 22/08/2006 23:23

Ok how about doing exactly what you did, giving her pudding and then just leave her for a few minutes.
If she is still holding onto the food just say "would you like to swallow that, or spit it out?" if she says no then just say ok, well i'll put your pudding in the kitchen until you're ready for it.
Then ignore for as long as necessary

lazycow · 23/08/2006 09:55

This sounds pretty hard to deal with. It seems like she almost can't swallow or spit it out rather than her doing it specifically to be silly or play games etc. The reason I say this is because I get the impression that she seems so upset by it. Was she actually trying to put the ice-cream in her mouth while she still had food in it and getting upset because she couldn't?
If so she is obviously causing herself some distress.

Maybe she is genuinely having some sort of problem with actually swallowing which she probably doesn't fully undertand herself.

I'd be tempted to try the ignoring it a while longer, however if you sense that she really is upset, she may be asking for some sort of attention and given the stress this is causing everyone a different tack might be in order

You could try taking her on your lap when she first does this and giving her a hug. Say something like 'It looks to me like you are getting upset with that in your mouth, can you spit it out or swallow it?'

If she shakes her head or ignores you, maybe say something like ' Well that's OK we all have things we find difficult sometimes but mummy and daddy are here to help you' Then maybe ask her if she wants to open her mouth so you can clear out the food for her. If she doesn't want to do that maybe say 'just come and ask for help when you are ready' and try more cuddling.

This might go on for a while obviously, in which case you can keep saying through the evening -'when you are ready to swallow or spit that out or to let mummy/daddy take it out let us know'

Whe it comes to teethbrushing time, you could be firm and say she needs to open her mouth so she can brush her teeth at which point you or your dh could remove the food for her.

She may well cry at some point but at least then you can take the food out while her mouth is open and then you could maybe take that opportunity to talk about what happened at that point when the incident is still fresh for her. You may not get much sense out of her but she may feel a bit better.

In the end even if it doesn't work you may feel less irritated by the whole thing if you see it as something she geniuinely is struggling with rather than something she is doing to annoy.

I suppose this is pretty conflicting advice but I believe ignoring can work for mild silly ehaviour but if it is something that is getting entrenched and the child is obviously distressed maybe it is time to pay the attention the child is obviously asking for.

I'd suggest trying to make her laugh but I'd be worried about choking if she laughs too much with her mouth full.

sleepysooz · 23/08/2006 15:34

I think I'd go alon with lazycow!

PrettyCandles · 23/08/2006 15:53

It's certainly a different way of viewing and dealing with it. Maybe ignoring 'negative' behaviour isn't always the best way.

At lunch today I could see her about to stall, and somehow I managed to divert her. I had allowed lunch to get very messy, even joining in with them in the general silliness, and I sort of got the silliness going again when I thought dd was on the verge of stalling. She stsarted laughing and the moment passed, and she finished her meal without any issues.

In general I'm very lucky with my children, in all aspects, but this is one of those moments when I wish someone could just tell me "do this and your problem will be solved".

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Beetroot · 23/08/2006 15:58

I think I would just say to her 'do you want desert?' if the answer is positive, just suggest she spts out her mouthfull while you go get her ice cream and leave her...or have you done that already?

PrettyCandles · 23/08/2006 16:06

We've never suggested spitting out food. It's something neither of us like or feel comfortable with. She did go through a phase of spitting out food, but that's not been happening for about a year.

We've offered her her pudding in the hope that she'll want it enough to swallow of her own accord.

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lazycow · 23/08/2006 16:17

Maybe she doesn't like the feel/taste of something and wants to spit it out but as you say she knows she shouldn't but can't actually bring herself to swallow it.

I think the diverting and making her laugh is definitely a good idea to try, it just means you will need to be quite vigilant for a while. If this works go with it and as with most things it is probably a phase that will pass

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