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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Why do people have children?

33 replies

Chickz · 04/04/2014 17:07

I'm starting to wonder after 5 months of difficult times with my dd. it has got harder and harder for me with all the crying and grizzliness and unsettledness. (I've posted elsewhere under 'I hate my baby).
I had images of such happy times. Of course I expected it to be tough, sleep less nights etc but this is far more difficult than I imagined. I'm starting to wonder whether it will ever get any better

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naty1 · 05/04/2014 14:35

It does seem unfair (a bit like labour) is can be different from child to child.
I would hope if i am able to have another (ivf so unlikely) that the beginning is easier.
Second babies seem easier i wonder if this is due to less labour problems, having a ventuose and them forceps is bound to give you a sore head.
I can understand the people with twins though that must be relentless. But i guess you could get one easy one difficult baby.

mummy2bears · 05/04/2014 15:50

Hi, I read your other post and sympathise completely, my first baby cried and cried and cried for months and months and months, it was awful and I became convinced it was all my fault. I was very bitter and felt cheated that the wonderful happy time I'd pictured in my mind turned out to be the worst time of my life. I was very jealous of mums who had happy babies. I struggled to get my baby to gain weight and she just didn't thrive and nor did I! She was late meeting all her mile stones and I blamed myself for that too.
Fast forward seven years and I now know my daughter was born deaf and has neuromuscular disorder, neither were picked up till she was 18 months.She is now the most delightful, intelligent, funny, loving and perceptive child I could ever hope for. When she was 4 yrs old I gave birth to my second daughter who was the easiest happiest baby, she was my reward for the terrible first two years of my life as a mother.
Not only will it hopefully get easier for you, you will find that when your baby is a toddler or school child it'll all seem easy compared to this time in your life.
Keep going, keep being honest, don't blame yourself xxxxx

TheOtherSideOfSilence · 05/04/2014 20:00

I think the worst thing is the difficulty in sharing how miserable you are feeling stuck at home with a small baby. None of my friends had children so I had no one to really talk to. I did meet up with my NCT group regularly but the problem with that was that when the babies were very young we had all only just met and didn't know each other well enough to be honest about how things were going. So it felt very lonely and scary. It is only now that we are admitting to each other how rubbish we all felt, just as the babies are getting older and easier to deal with!

LindsayS79 · 05/04/2014 21:00

The best thing I did was go to my GP who diagnosed me with PND. I agreed with her, and after a week of the minimum level of 'happy pills' I felt almost human again

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle. Lately it's the fact that DD (9 months) won't stop moaning as she's (unsuccessfully) trying to crawl. She's also refusing to eat.. I don't understand mums who can be so blasé about these things. They do my head in

I have one friend who is truthful in the fact that it's bloody hard work and not enjoyable for now. I too can't wait to go back to work! In my case, I'm going to take my GP up on PND counselling in the hope it teaches me to put this all into the perspective like those mums who love every minute!!

Hang on in there, hopefully we look back and laugh...!!

Lottiegal · 06/04/2014 00:29

Don't beat yourself up, you are probably just one if those people ( like me) who only really start to enjoy their children once they become more interesting! When they can talk to you and you can enjoy proper days out which aren't that far off I hope you will enjoy life more.

The early days can seem pretty monotonous, I think too much emphasis is placed on being the perfect mum. If you are an intelligent woman it can be hard to leave you old life and look after a baby which at the end of the day mostly cries, eats and sleeps. When I look back on the early days with my children, I wish I hadn't tried do hard, there is no shame in sobbing around watching tv, I would definitely just do what makes you happy

Lottiegal · 06/04/2014 00:30

Sorry about all the typos, most importantly I mean slobbing not sobbing!

Ragwort · 06/04/2014 09:21

teenagers can be lovely - don't believe all the bad press. I think it's the easiest stage of all

I completely disagree with you there atthestroke - I look back on the early days with very fond memories. But it did help that I had a very easy baby (slept through from a very young age), never ill or unhappy .

CPtart · 06/04/2014 10:06

For me I instantly felt better with some semblance of return to normality and this meant going back to work PT. Instantly felt much more able to cope, the stress of rushing 2 DC off to nursery every morning was a breeze compared to being a SAHM all day every day.
IME I only really started "enjoying" parenthood when the youngest turned 3.

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