3yo sleep gone out of the window with a new baby arriving

[bigredtractor]

Hi,

We have a 3 week old second baby and DS is 3.5 years old. Since the baby arrived he's waking up once - twice a night, EVERY NIGHT.

I'm up feeding the baby, usually twice, but he doesn't wake up at that point - he wakes up separately and comes into our bed for a cuddle (it's rarely anything tangible like needing the toilet). He will go back to his bed and back to sleep quite quickly though (within 20 mins usually).

As a result he's tired, miserable, tearful, and particularly awful by the end of the day. We've been putting him to bed about half an hour earlier to try and help him catch up on his sleep. He won't nap in the day but will almost always fall asleep in the car if we're out late afternoon, showing that he's tired.

does anyone have any ideas or advice about how we can make it better for him?

This sounds a bit like my son! We haven't even had our new baby yet but our son's sleep pattern is currently out of the window. Like your son, ours is tired, miserable, tearful, etc, because he's not sleeping properly at night. It's been going on for a week or two and I'm starting to think that it's because he's worried about the impending change of a new baby.

I suppose all we can do is reassure and hope it passes. Are you able to get him involved a bit more with your baby, so he feels included? Perhaps have him help at bath time, or get him to "read" the baby his favourite story? It just might make him feel a bit less pushed out (I'm not suggesting he is pushed out, but you just don't know what goes on in their little heads do you).

Thanks - he's brilliant with the baby - v gentle, lots of kisses and cuddles etc. He's not getting as much of my time though, obviously because I have to share it between two.
But he is still getting plenty of stories, cuddles, play time etc. as much as I can.

something is disturbing his sleep pattern, but it doesn't seem to be the baby making noise etc in the night, which I had expected. I guess it could be the general disruption preventing a really deep sleep? I just don't know...

It's probably just things on his mind that make him wake - the same way WE wake when something is on our minds.

It's a big change for him. He's gone from being your sole focus and priority, to having to share his time with a new baby.

Little things in the night might make him just realise how much he loves his mummy and daddy and wants to remind you that he's there, so he comes for a quick cuddle.

We had this with DD1. It nearly killed us. It's quite common from what I've seen here.
Our DD was 2.5 so we put her back into her cot and that sorted it. I think she felt the party was happening in her room and really didn't get why the baby was in out room. In retrospect I wish I'd made more of a show of putting dd2 to bed in her own room and then moved her at the next feed.

I saw a suggestion here to make up a bed on the floor for a few nights. Their child eventually took himself back to his room of his own accord

Watching this as we are going through the exact same thing at the moment! Please any advice on how to approach this with him as i feel like we are doing everything wrong! I realise they are all different, but on average how long coukd this last?!

Eek, our ds is 3.5, and baby no2 is due in a fortnight. He already wakes 1 or 2 times a night and comes in for a cuddle - he's never before great sleeper but I'm really hoping it doesn't get any worse!

No advice but we're in a similar position! Our DD is 2.5yo and has never been a good sleeper - usually ends up co-sleeping from 1am ish onwards. Our DS is 7 days old and her sleep has definitely for worse since his arrival. Sleeping with me used to settle her but now she seems to be sleeping really lightly and wakes randomly (and really upset) more than ever. I think it must just be their little brains trying to process the new situation. I'm hoping it will pass naturally as having a baby brother becomes the new normal.

I regret not spending more solo time with DD1 when DD2 was born. I had a surprise VBAC which left me quite uncomfortable for 12+ weeks; DD2 was early and small and ended up with jaundice so I had to express every feed for almost 8-10 weeks plus you have the knackering effect of a newborn's sleep patterns. I was v lucky in we were able to keep our ft nanny on but she had no newborn experience and was nervous about handling DD2.

So after the context, DD1's perception was that she was being bundled out of the room frequently by our nanny (anxious not to disturb the baby and keep DD1 entertained); that "the baby" was getting lots of "cuddles" = breastfeeding that she wasn't and generally after a few weeks the green eyed monster arrived with a vengenance. At 12, 1, 2, and 4 am......

I should have just fed DD2 (or handed over the expressed milk but I was desperate to move to BF and so BF and topped up every feed) and handed her over more often to our nanny / any other adult in the house and spent time with DD1. Because I usually work FT and she adores her nanny I didn't really think that much was changing in her world.

She (DD1) didn't really settle down overnight until DD2 was in her own room (12 weeks with a video monitor which I can't recommend enough); I started back at work PT so DD2 started to go out with DD1 and her nanny (so no preferential (12 weeks in) treatment; and DD2 was feeding well and quickly.

Assuming you are home with a toddler and a newborn, I'd suck up the temporary overexposure to Cbeebies and do some cuddling and spoiling on the sofa. If you are up to walking, then I found that the GF routine of getting out of the house for a bit by 9.30am worked really well. I wouldn't suddenly book at toddler into all day nursery unless that's their usual routine. Look at ways to manage the witching hours of 5-8 especially if you are BF and have a cluster feeder. It's perfectly possible to BF while sitting on the loo while your toddler has a splash in the bath. If there's anyone else around, hand over the baby as much as possible.

Resign yourself to very very little sleep. DD2 was a much better sleeper than DD1 was as a baby which was a life saver. I'm not sure how much of that was down to second time parenting experience not to pick up the baby at the slightest whimper but she slept "through" from 8-6.30 at 10 weeks with a dream feed at 11pm. Her big sister kept up the night wanderings for months but vastly improved when DD2 was in her own room. She seemed to lose total interest when she arrived to find it was just Mummy and Daddy fast asleep and she wasn't missing anything.

Oh - one of the main benefits of the video monitor was that I could do a dreamfeed at 11, meet DD1 on the landing at 12 and take her back to bed. Climb into bed with her and crash until 4, move to my own bed until DD2 woke for breakfast.
DH got some sleep as a result and was charged with prepping breakfast all round while I got through the shower first thing after the first feed. There are women who insist that their DH does the night wakeings but as I was BF there isn't much point and he's great for bathtimes and making me a nice dinner in the evenings.