have i over reacted?

[foobat]

hmmmmm, my son (7) was playing at my neighbours house with her son and our other neighbours daughter. I went out to see my son crying outside her house. My neighbour opened the door a crack and shouted 'if you stop being so horrible i might let you back in the house'.

i took my son back in our house and knocked on my neighbours door, and told her not to call my son horrible (for one reason and another he has a horribly low self esteem, long story, but i also think you just don't do that to kids, any kids). Her response was 'i'll call him what i want' i said 'no you won't' and she slammed the door.

when i chatted to my son about it he said that they had all been jumping on the bed and when she shouted (her default position with her own kids is high decebel screaming) at him he shouted back and she threw him out, no real problem with the kicking out (none of the kids should have been jumping on the bed)big problems with the shouting and the name calling.

me and my boy have agreed that he won't go in her house again.

am i right to be feeling livid now? i am normally quite a conciliatory person but i feel so angry that she'd call him that

Honestly OP I'm quite sympathetic towards her. 7 year olds jumping on the bed isn't good and your DS shouted back instead of apologising. I wouldn't of been happy if this was one of my DS's friends (he's also 7). She called him horrible rather than a little shit or a bastard or something very rude. When you retrieved your DS you didn't apologise to her either for his behaviour, you had a go at her. I'm not sure he'd be welcome back.

What did your son shout back ? Was it rude or just him getting carried away when playing. It is difficult to judge when not actually seen what happend but if my neighbours kids came over and misbehaved I would tell them firmly to stop but I would not shout at them and would not kick them out. Might say its time to go home now and think twice about inviting him back. Post above says 'they shouldn't have been jumping on the bed' but her own kids shouldn't either then. I would speak to my child about how you behave at someone's house but u wouldn't send him back their either .

It sounds like both your ds and your neighbour have behaved badly. He should not have been jumping on her bed, and should not have shouted at her. She should not have shouted at him or said that he was being horrible.

However, I think you are over reacting by being "livid". It sounds like your ds is not mature enough to be playing with these particular children.

i agree, he shouldn't have been jumping on the bed and i have talked to him about it and he knows he shouldnt, buuuuut it was all of them jumping on the bed. i just don't think this was the way to handle things. He does really struggle when people shout at him and no-one else was shouted at and he gets upset when he thinks things are unfair, when i got there she was frothing and he was just inconsolable. there is no way i would ever shout at her son (or any other kid to be honest sorry but unless they are about to step into heavy traffic i don't think it is justified) and my word he has given me call to... hitting my son several times, he once told me that his mum was 'going to smash me in my face', every time this happens it's boys will be boys, anything happens the other way, my son is this, my son is that.

If both the mother and her son are so awful, then why on earth are you continuing to let your ds play there unsupervised?