Being honest, how do you actually get your toddler to sleep?

[Ber2291]

My DS 2.3 has always been a horrendous sleeper and I just do NOT know why. I have always been pretty consistent with my approach and quite strict. I can count on two hands the amount of times he has slept in our bed and I have very rarely stayed with him til he fell asleep etc bar being ill.

His bedtime routine is always cosy and nice, stories in dim light and plenty of time for winding down.

Yet he still cries to get to sleep and hates bed time so much. He has gone through a phase or two some time ago of just going to bed happily but it never lasted. This all happens regardless of nap or no nap by the way.

I don't know that many other mums and the ones I do know seem to do sitting with them
Until they fall asleep, cosleeping, back stroking etc. I just don't want to believe its not possible to just cuddle your child good night and then enjoy supper with your husband and see them in the morning. Am I being unrealistic? Tell me truthfully does your child for the most part just go to sleep on their own? Or do you jump through hoops?

I have been really lucky and all mine (5 kids youngest is 2.5) have been self settlers from been babies. We don't even have a real routine apart from bedtime is 7.30. I just put them into bed with a kiss and in youngest case her blanky turn off the lights and thats it till morning.

I sit in the room until dd falls asleep but she literally usually takes 2/3 minutes to be sound asleep.

However she's ill so here I am at 430am :(

DS is 3.6 and has self-settled since around 15 months. From about 9 months to 15 months I sat with him till he went to sleep.

DD is 20 mo and has gone thru stages of self-settling but at the moment I am sitting in with her- usually only takes a few mins though as I make sure she is dog tired by 7pm

I should add, if DD wakes in the middle of the night that's a whole other story. Then I have to make myself comfortable (have 3 large floor cushions and a duvet stashed in her room). Sometimes I fall so fast asleep I just stay there till morning. I'm thinking about putting DD and DS in the same room after the summer as I think DD just gets lonely- she's a real company junkie, unlike DS who will sometimes say "I want to play on my own. Please go away mummy" (music to my ears)

I like girlesvilles approach for an older child. I think you have to make bed a nice, safe place and take a slightly different approach for an older kid. Still be consistent so no getting back up but talk to her, offer her a reward etc.

Also be really wary of any "if you do that once more it's off to bed" as this makes bed a punishment in their wee heads.

I have a little radio in the bedroom and play classic FM on low volume. I read a story (sometimes an abridged version when I am knackered, admittedly!) and have low, low lighting in the room. I never have them go to bed with all lights blaring (my son is 12 now, so yes he just gets on with bedtime himself. He can fall asleep with high beams blaring directly at him!) But when he was little and now with my current LO, I have little fairly lights in the room which add to the ambiance. I have her put on her PJs in her room which is dimly lit. I read to her under a dim light. But the trick for me- and I have done this with both my kids- is the classic FM. It works a treat. I've had tough sleepers: unsettled, wakeful, wannabe night owls. So this experience of playing classical music (with the dulcet tones of the presenter babbling in between songs) has not failed me yet. I have found that staying and cuddling sort of elongates the process of separation. This does work with some kids, but I have found that the more attention I give at bed time, the more I am expected to perform seal tricks at bed time. Also, I might add that on cold nights, I preheat the kids' beds with a mattress warmer, making sure it's switched off before they get in (very important). I leave the mattress warmer unplugged the rest of the year but leave it on the bed because it's very plush and soft underneath the fitted sheet. Makes the bed all soft and cozy whether it's on or not.

Finally got dd her own room around age 2, which helped loads - before that she was in my room and I resorted to the sofa as she slept ok when alone!

She's now very possessive so I play up 'your bed' and 'only dd gets to sleep in dd's bed' a lot, and encourage taking toys (usually big brother's!) to bed. I have spare dummies within reach and she often wants a bottle of milk once in bed which I go along with - usually she's asleep by the time she gets it, and it's not that often now.

A pillow helped, too.

Often there's a minute of crying but I then go get ds to get him to bed, and she's always asleep once I come upagain. Unlike many people I never stay in the room, it's story, then baby in grobag in cot, close curtains, say night night, walk out. Finally seems to work after a couple years bad sleep!

IME bedtime antics usually result from being not tired enough to fall asleep, or conversely, being overtired.

OP I know you say this happens regardless of whether he naps or not, but could I ask how often he naps, at what time & how long for?

Also what time do you try & put him to bed at night & how long does it take before he falls asleep?

Rather than the nap needing to go, it may just be that bedtime needs to be a wee bit later.

We found with DS, once he got to around 2.5, if he had a lengthy nap there was no way he was ready for bed at 7.30pm anymore & he would mess around for up to an hour before going to sleep. We tried cutting the nap but he clearly still needed it, so in the end we shifted bedtime later til 8pm & found he would settle within 10mins, so was actually going to sleep earlier than he did with a 7.30pm bedtime. Crazy but true! The later bedtime has meant we've been able to keep the nap for much longer, he's 3.7 & still naps around 2x week. On days he doesn't nap he is in bed & asleep at 7. hth.

If always a bad sleeper then have you ruled out reflux, silent reflux, food intolerances etc etc? Because mine had these issues and affected sleep.

Quickest way to get them to sleep was to with them. And then have an evening with DH because they'd be asleep by 7.30pm/8pm. Earlier than friends I know who leave their kids to it.

Just had an awful night with DS and hoping for some guidance. He was up from 2.30-4.30. Went in about ten mins after he first woke, settled him back down and left. He was awake from them. Not hysterically upset and for the most part not crying. I didn't go in at all for the first hour as he mostly moaning 'nunight' I.e that he just wanted to fall back asleep. Why oh why does he have such trouble? Where have I gone wrong along the way?

I feel semi hysterical (preg and no sleep anyone?) because my MIL is always telling me how alike in character my DS and her oldest son (DH big brother) are. Her eldest son is a terrible sleeper, must have pitch black, silence, specific bed etc. I always put this down to him being a worrier, his mum having pandered to the needs when he was young, especially because he went travelling for a year and had no trouble really sleeping in all sorts of places (no worries presumably). But are some people just naturally bad sleepers? It also makes me feel awful, and I know it is a bit deep, because he is such an unhappy person. He is always thinking, worrying, obsessing. He still lives at home, has to have everything a certain way, always feeling down and negative about something. Ad this is largely based on not sleeping ever. I so don't want my DS growing up to be an unhappy adult.

Interesting thread, never really thought about how others get their kids to sleep. Ours are a bit of both OP. The two year old usually goes straight down, sometimes even putting herself to sleep during the bedtime story, but that because she doesn't nap during the day anymore so is generally knackered. The three year old can be a bit more whiney, she'll just keep talking and talking, sometimes crying out. When she's not settling quickly we'll go up a few times, but only a couple and then we'll just leave her. She usually quietens down ok soon enough (her sister just sleeps thorugh it all!!).

The 1 year old needs cuddling to sleep every night, dont mind it though :)