Struggling with nearly 4 year old!

[MamaDoGood]

I have two wonderful boys (3y11m & 2 this month!) and am really struggling with my eldests behaviour. Trying to seek advice/support/perspective I suppose.

Eldest is a very 'wired' child, which I find really hard to contend me. He does everything at the speed of light, he wakes up every morning at 6am bursting with energy and literally bounces into our room (mine & ds2)!

-He has a complete inability to walk, he literally runs/bounces/skips everywhere in the house.

-When he is not talking he makes lots of clicking or high pitched noises. I genuinely think he has no idea he is doing them at the time. His father has pulled him up on this, which made him ask 'mummy I really need to do my clicking noise now' in his dad's absence.

-I will very rarely get more than 30 seconds of him not making noise, he talks so fast that other people can not understand him (although he has extensive vocabulary!)

-He is not affectionate at all, including lack of eye contact but is constantly craving praise and recognition. (I did that well didn't I mummy!) I am very aware and do encourage and praise him lots.

-He can not follow simple instructions without getting distracted. I know he understands what I'm saying, he knows consequences of his actions 'if you don't put your coat on we can not go out' but, it's literally impossible to get him to cooperate.

-He is continuously (and I mean continuously!) asking for food. To the point where he obsesses over how much he has eaten (I allow 3 foods between 8am and lunch as he was making himself sick!)

He is a lovely boy, I truly love him with all my heart but, he is seriously draining in comparison to my youngest. He has been like this since a baby.

Is he just high needs?

He is well socialised (nursery twice a week) at least 1 soft play a week, exercised every day and lots of attention at weekends from myself and extended family. We do lots of activities together but, he never seems stimulated.

Where am I going wrong?

The lack of eye contact would concern me. Have you looked at the national Aspergers website? You can read more and then approach your Gp if you still have concerns

No I haven't Tartan, Thank you for your advice!

Stop dishing out blanket praise - either be very specific or talk to him about it. Eg what did you like doing the most etc? Otherwise he becomes a performing monkey.

I would tell your dh to back off about his noises. He should have ignored them!! Your DS sounds a bit anxious about it which is sad.

That aside have a chat with your HV or gp.

I think you may have misunderstood me,I certainly don't 'dish out blanket praise', he is good at a lot of things to which I praise appropriately. He is very very confident.

You do have a point about his father though, he should ignore his noises. I do ignore these myself but, I don't blame him dad as it really is quite constant!!

Sorry! I scaled back on the praise and found ds would stop checking he had done something good.

You say "his father" - are you together? Just a strange way of phrasing it.

. No I picked up on a couple of things which could be changed and suggesting speaking to health professionals. I think you're projecting or being defensive about your own position.

Although he sounds like a lovely, bright little chap the noises, eye contact, food obsession and lack of awareness of your expectations ( daily routine/leaving house issue...) would make me think that you really need to look at getting him assessed . A lot of these are markers for being on autistic spectrum and even though he seems to be coping very well, there may be lots of support and tips for yourself and DH! Pls approach your local GP/HV or his school ASAP !

Thank you everyone for advice.
I watch him in comparison to other children his age (large circle of friends/playgroups/cousins) and gut says he is remarkably different to others.

A few family members have commented on his inability to listen. It's as if he wants to behave but, within 10 seconds he's been distracted and can't remember what was asked of him.
Time outs are effective for a few moments after. Maybe I'm expecting too much?

My youngest son is very quiet, manages to sit still, very slow natured and extremely affectionate. Iam not sure if this is just his personality or he has filled this role because it was vacant? He is beginning to copy his brothers constant wanting of food.

I haven't got a HV but, will be contacting my GP and have contacted nursery regarding a meeting. His key worker is full of praise for him, has always led me to believe he is very much 'the leader'. He is very happy there thankfully.