4 month old, HV says I need to socialise him

[Sparkeleigh]

My 4 month old DS is usually happy and smiley and loves looking about him but he's recently started to cry when people he doesn't know or recognise get close to his face or hold him.

I mentioned this in passing to my health visitor and she immediately told me to get him out and socialising. I have to admit, I usually take what she says with a pinch of salt.

We do go out to the shops and for walks but I only occasionally go to baby groups. He loves looking at other babies and people when go anywhere, he only gets upset if strangers touch his face, or lean over him closely or hold him.

Is this just a phase? I'm not keen on passing him round like a parcel to get him used to it if it's not necessary and I'm not even sure this is actually a problem that needs resolved...

Defo get him socializing. Set him up on fb while you're at it! Ignore her.

You mentioned it and she gave you an answer, I am not sure what answer you were expecting? HV's have to listen to a lot of over anxious mum stuff, maybe they make some of it up, who knows but whilst new mums continue to search for in depth answers about non problems, hv's will talk more crap.

Do you think she's really saying that you need to get out more, but saying it in a round about way?

Socialising tiny babies. What a load of old crap. I never attended a single baby/toddler group with either of my two and kept them firmly to myself. Fast forward a few years on and both of them talk constantly and will engage random people in chit chat which is brilliant for an antisocial type like me.

Don't worry. Just lots of love and cuddles and milk is all he needs.

Natasha I remember a thread too where someone was worried that their newborn was bored.

But if she knew what she was talking about she would of given a valid answer instead of spouting rubbish!

Sherbet - I mentioned it because he cried when she came over and picked him up. I wasn't really expecting an answer because it was more of an explanation for the crying rather than a question.

Your baby needs a Facebook and a Twitter page. This is the only way "young people" meet other "young people".

Quietly - that is rather lovely

My four and a half month baby does that, but mainly to ugly people! :-)

She doesn't smile at strangers either, she just stares at them.

She is like yours v interested in looking at other people's and other babies faces, but that's about it. Not much socialising happening!

Your HV appears to have confused babies with puppies.

Your first reply is the best- smile, nod, ignore.

That's what's called a securely attached baby. Your HV's full of nonsense.

I don't think it is a problem, babies have a good survival instinct and they are quite right not to enjoy being touched or passed around to strangers.

I do think though that it is quite nice for a baby to be exposed to social interaction, to watch and listen to have everyday chatter, for other people to make eye contact with them.
I am not suggesting leaving him with strangers, or have him passed around a room, but I think baby groups are a nice way of opening up communication for you and baby.

I attended a couple of groups when my babies were this age, I found them a bit of a life saver tbh, a chance to have a coffee with other Mums in the same situation, see their babies and have all that mundane chat about nappies.
I was protective of my babies , I didn't allow them to be passed around the room etc, and while not essential to go to these things I think it can be nice for baby and Mum.

What a silly HV. They don't need socialising till much later. At the moment what your baby needs to do is to build up a strong relationship with one or two people. That's what he's doing. Him protesting is a GOOD thing! It means he is securely attached to you and wants you not a random person. Would be much more worrying if you had a child who didn't care who was holding him.

Of course babies can enjoy socialising with you, but only in the sense that they enjoy anything that is new and stimulating.

The actual NEED to start socialising a child with peers doesn't really start till much later. Say 2 or more. Even then they are not really old enough to form strong friendships and preferences for who they spend time with and they don't really play together as such. That happens later, at getting on towards three, when they have got over the "mine" phase in favour of co-operative play.

I would carry on as you are, don't pass him around if he doesn't like it.

A child who is allowed to develop a secure attachment as a baby will be more confident, not less, later on.

My baby was sick a lot and I was told by HV I needed to socialise more as babies are all sick, like I didn't know this! (I was concerned at the amount, later told she had reflux)

My DS totally did this starting at about 3.5 months. My DF also said 'he needs to get out more' which p@#$ed me right off because he went to baby groups nearly every day.

Believe it or not it was my MIL who helped me to see the light... She told me: DH was exactly like this so I simply didn't pass him to people. Why traumatise him?

She was so right, a few months later he leaned right over to MIL one days for a big cuddle. He still (18 months) doesn't like being mauled by strangers but then, neither do I!!

The only exception is the baby's father... loads of babies do a 'won't go to daddy' thing and in this case I think it needs to be worked on.