3 year olds falling out

[AllBoxedUp]

Hello. I think I need to toughen up but my DS has been saying that some of the other little boys at nursery won't play with him and run away from him. He does have some friends but there seems to be a group of boys who exclude him. One of them in particular used to be one of his "best friends" but now plays with these other boys.

DS is 3 and the rest are 3 to 4. He is obviously sad about his old friend but is generally still a happy wee boy. It makes me feel so sad though and I just want to fix it. DH says this is what boys are like at school and it is probably good for him to get used to it. I have spoken to the nursery about it (mostly because they have been playing a game where the little group all have guns and kill DS and another boy not in the group) and they have said they will watch out for him.

I am mostly looking for advice about what to tell him. I've tried to discourage him from focusing so much on best friends as I think this is unhealthy. I've also said that you can't be friends with everyone. I don't want to make too big a deal of it but when I ask what his day was like that is what he talks about so it obviously is an issue for him. Thanks.

Well first of all remember that all children remember one tiny incident from school or nursery sometimes and then focus on it....when generally they're happy. I have two children aged 6 and 9 and they've both come to me with tales like this so it's not unusual but it IS hard with your first one....what you probably need to do is invite some children home with their parent for coffee and a play...one at a time....this gives you a chance to see the dynamic.

Once you see whose a really nice kid then you can encourage your little boy to play with them if he complains about others...playdates also reinforce friendships and make them closer.

If this isn't possible, just keep telling DS to play with nice children and if anyone hurts him then he should speak loudly "Don't do that!" as it's standing up for himself as well as calling attention to adults nearby.

Check with the staff again in a few days...see how it is.

Thanks for the reply. I think I am being a bit pfb but I just want everyone to love him as much as I do - even other 3 year olds! It's not that bad as the other children he does play with are the ones in our village who he will go to school with and sees outside of nursery. The other little gang live in a different village and will go to different schools. Maybe they have just split along the lines of who they see outside of nursery. The nursery did say that DS reacted badly to being excluded today and shouted at and shook another child which isn't great so willjust have to try to keep talking to him and helping him learn how to control his feelings (easier said than done....).