7 year old has massive tantrums

[BitsinTatters]

How do I deal with them?

She looses her temper at some thing like bashing her sister on the head and I ask her to apologise

Then she goes crazy starts screaming and shouting and throwing things

Then she sobs

What am I meant to do? If she was smaller I would put her on the naughty step. If I tried this with her she would protest until she was sick or I was bleeding.

It's still going on. She's slamming doors and screaming at me

I have just sat and done her reading with her (before all this started)

You just ignore. If she gets too bad go and lock yourself in the loo! When she gets to the sobbing stage cuddle her and have the discussion as to 'how she thinks it helps', 'what would be better' etc

Put her in her room and stand and hold the door shut.

Colditz I can't don't that!

I try and stand out of her way but she tends to want to keep her display for every one so will follow around and crash about. I was unpacking the dishwasher and she walked passed and slammed it shut

Small ones in bed now. She's laying on the sofa sniffing and moaning

Yes you can do that. Grow some balls! She has tantrums because you allow her to have tantrums. Stop that audience, stop the tantrum.

Hmm

Agree with physically separating yourself if the tantrum goes on and on.

If she can control it then the lack of audience should damp it down, if she can't control it then getting 'in her way' will make it worse. Leave time afterwards for her to process it, and don't discuss and impose consequences until she is completely calm.

That is why I said 'lock yourself in the loo' so that you don't have to get involved. Take a book and wait it out. She wants attention-don't give it.

No point in interacting in any way until she is calm.

IME you need to remove the element of escalation, give her something she can't fight against. For example TV ban which increases every time she hits, kicks, pushes something/someone or shouts something rude. She can't physically push against that and she can't retaliate without losing out.

But also if it's out of character I'd be trying to work out the underlying reason, stress at school perhaps? Anything going on in her life that she might be finding hard to cope with even if on the surface she looks fine? Does she want more control/responsibility in her life (you can do this in a controlled way).

I wouldn't do the TV ban, if she is in tantrum mode she will end up banned until Christmas! Ignore, ignore, ignore. When she has calmed down is the time for discussion as to why, problems etc.

When my 6 year old tantrums he has to calm down in his room. If he stays in it, the door is open. If he comes out shouting I hold it shut.

He calms down quickest alone (then we cuddle). I don't punish him for not being able to control his feelings cause I was exactly the same at his age and it doesn't help.

The way I see it, it's not reasonable for the whole family to cower in the bathroom to help him calm down and it's useful to learn to remove yourself from people when you are losing your temper.

In my house that would = bed. Especially at 7 years, they wouldn't be moaning on sofa whilst younger ones in bed, they would be in bed also as treated as a younger one if that's how they behave

I bought the book mentioned in this article and have so far found it interesting as I was at the end of my tether Article

Tell her to go to her room or another room as you are not interested until she is going to talk to you properly.

Room now
No attention no discussion no drawn out punishment.