ok so just how common is headbanging in "normal" 19 month olds?

[Jimjams2]

I don't know enough to judge!

DS3 really whacks his head when angry (which is frankly all the time he has a vile temper!). He hits it hard enough to bruise (has two bruises at the moment- one on the forehead and one on his nose from belting his face into a trolley). I know he's worse when he's had certain foods (esp gluten, cows milk).

We're seeing a chiropractor this afternoon so will get him to check he hasn;t got a squashed bit or anything. He may be copying ds1 to an extent, as ds1 hits his head a lot, and sometimes ds3 will hit his head straight after seeing ds1 do it.

Getting cross with him/ignoring him when he does it does seem to work a bit. I must point out he is hitting himself hard enough to hurt himself though so we can't completely ignore it.

JJ,
My DS (14 months) head butts all the time. His older DD never did! SO it really scares me. He is otherwise a sweet boy, but upon being frustrated the slightest he start banging his head. He has learn to look for a cushion when in hard wood floors
Everywhere I search seems to indicate is a fairly common way to express frustration, and the best thing is to ignore. Everybody promisses they won't self harm themselves and they are just looking for attention... Not sure If I can quite say the same, yet...

Had exactly this problem with DS. It's so hard to ignore when yhey're actually doing themselves damage isn't it? But with DS it was attention seeking behaviour very clearly. We solved it by when he had a fit/paddy/strop to put him in a soft sided travel cot until he got over it. AS soon as he'd calmed down though we went over and said something like 'oh, it's so nice when Ben is happy' - you get the idea - lots of praise (but not cuddles) for calming down and immediate reward of being allowed out of the cot.

The phase didn't last long - though now he bangs his head occaisionally by accident on his way to the floor when he has tantrum - but now we use the 'calming down step'.

Hope that reasuures you a bit - I know lots of parents who've had the same dilemma. If you don't give in I think the phase passes pretty quickly as they learn the only one who gets hurt is them.

Message withdrawn

Ah well pleased to hear I can continue to ignore it.

The putting him somewhere is a good one. Today he headbutted me in the cheek and I put him in the living room and shut the door for a few seconds and that seemed to work quite well, just now he threw himself on the floor in the kitchen and walking away did work, eventually.

The problem is that his 7 year old brother is a headbanger (he's autistic) so one of his role models is providing a good example of what not to do. Unfortunately he can't be left when doing it as he likes to go for glass etc And unfortunately seeing ds1 do it often triggers ds3 to do it immediately- which is really odd. He hit his head really hard on our patio windows last week 2 seconds after ds1 did. God it was chaos, screaming kids (and adults) everywhere.

JJ, DS (20mths) has started doing this again. You may remember you advised me on this when he was younger and as it turned out his Sunderland test showed a problem with gluten.

Anyway, he started doing it again about a month ago. But, it's more controlled and deliberate IYKWIM. It's like he's doing it out of annoyance or frustration and to get my attention. Don't get me wrong, he can still give himself nasty bumps from it but it doesn't seem to have the random, violent action that it had when it was gluten induced.

So, Ive gone along with the ignore (when possible) and distract tactic. Oh, and the hope its a short phase tactic too!

Good luck

Hi JJ - does your DS1 get attention for it, ie do you actually have to go and stop him? I just thought that maybe if DS3 is seeing older brother getting attention he might take a bit longer to figure out that it won't work for him. I'm sure he will eventually - he'll realise it hurts and he doesn't like it!

My ds didn't bang his head, but pulled his hair out quite badly (massive bald patch) for around 9 months starting when he was 13 months and finishing just before he was 2.

Is it worth you telling him it is naughty and punishing him as you would if you told him off for something else. This is the only way we managed to get our ds to stop, ignoring etc didn't work for us. Now he knows that if he does it its naughty and he will have to go in the naughty corner.

I think in a way the fact that he is copying his brother rather than being a compulsive headbutter is a good sign.
My ds4 is a terrible headbutter although ds3 has never done it. We think ds4 was responsible for causing ds3 the injury to his face that led to the septal abscess. He headbutts so hard. We also have the same problem re glass.
How is ds3 in other areas? Has his joint attention improved?
Does ds3 only headbutt when copying or in temper or does he do it in other ways? Ds4 seems to do it to test a surface or in excitement.

I know nothing I have said is likely to reassure you but it is the overall picture that counts.
Ds4 is a very quirkly language disorder dx by the way.

Sorry if bit garbled, am on way out door to work

ds3 does it in temper violently and copying ds1 (sometimes more gently). I think he is far worse after gluten, msg etc (actually thinking about it he got hold of pringles this week).

He's fine in other ways. Understands lots, very communicative, good joint attention etc. Don't think he;s auti, but think he might have been if he'd carried on with gluten and cows milk!

Just wondering if seeing your ds1 bang his head distresses him, and maybe it's all he can think of to do in the situation. How old is your ds3?

dd3 does abit of head butting, mainly people (mainly me) but is also a pincher. no idea how to stop it either, but you have my sympathy. dd3 also has the most amazing temper tantrums, they shock me.

Must be 3rd children misdee- all the 3rd children I know are a bit like that!

I don't think it worries him to be honest TooTicky, ds1 is always hitting himself, or shouting and if ds3 is busy doing something else he doesn't even look up (it's his normality so it doesn't even register as strange to him, all he's ever known iykwim), he just copies him in the way he copies ds2 dancing or something. The copying bit doesn't really concern me, its more the red hot temper! Everyone always says "ooh they won't hurt themselves"- and ds1 always has done (which I've always put down to autism), so I was suprised to see ds3 doing it (95% certain he's NT- he;s 19 months now).

We might have the pinching to come misdee- ds1 (bored- no school) has started pinching ds3 to liven things up a bit every now and then........ So if ds3 copies that......

oh dear jj. dd3 wont allow me near her nails, so they are very sharp. she also wont let me clean her ears, brush her hair, put her glasses on, pick her up.

stubborn little moo

she still wont go near peter so things are very stressed right now.

awww misdee, she will, it must be really werid for her. and I guess it's not just him, he comes with lots of equipment.

but nails nails nails, you have reminded me- ds1 nails- need doing- am off to try (if she sleeps is a good time to try, although harder with babies as they are lighter sleepers).

i used to cut dd2 nails in her sleep. i cant bend into the cot atm to do dd3 nails (lugging the spare LVAD has done my back in)

Just to add, JJ, I think the fact he is doing it in a temper is reassuring in a way. I know that sounds daft but that's what DS does now and it doesn't worry me nearly as much as the crazy, manic headbutting of before.

Just as an aside; he went to MIL last week. I'd forgotten his goat's milk so said he could have cow's milk for breakfast. When we got back she'd also given him cheese on toast for lunch (normal bread, hadn't touched the GF stuff we brought) followed by yoghurt. Well even she noticed he was high as a kite by the afternoon. He wouldn't sit and play appropriately with anything and it took us 3 hours to get him to sleep that night.

So very glad we stopped gluten when we did and the more recent cut right back on dairy(cows)and change to goat's milk has clearly benefitted him also.

Hi Jimjams, I haven't read all the thread, so apologies if someone has already mentioned this.

I saw one of the Baby Whisperer programmes and a child was featured who was headbutting in temper. When they recognised when he was about to head butt, she sat him down on a beanbag until he had calmed down and then praised him for calming down, eventually he took himself off to a beanbag instead of having a headbutting tantrum.

I realise this wouldn't be easy to carry out, especially having other children to deal with aswell but thought it was worth a mention. HTH

DS (23mo) did this. One day he banged his head on the garden wall and never did it again. He still shakes his head from side to side when he's dog tired.