Time out/naughty step at 18 months?

[SpanielFace]

DS is a lovely but strong-willed little boy of 18 months. So far my discipline strategy has been along the lines of saying "no, don't hit the tv/ chase the cat/ throw your toys", if he continues then remove from the situation and/or distract. But I don't feel it's working - I think he thinks it's some sort of game, where the aim is to do it faster before I grab him, and then when I do remove him, he's started throwing a tantrum. He's worse when tired, or when he has an audience to play to (eg at grandparent's house).

I'm considering starting some sort of "time out", but not sure how to implement this when he's still so young. His language is still pretty basic - he understands more than he says, and has about 20 words. How do you explain to such a young child why they are being put in time out? And how on earth do you make them stay there? I don't want to physically make him, but I can't see what else would work!

Anyone have any other tips? He's getting bigger/faster every day!

I don't punish or reward behaviour. Don't believe it really works.
I do have friends who use punishments and they swear by it but it's not for us.

I'm unsure that 'time outs' or 'naughty steps' work for any children let alone 18 month old children.

They can work as a punishment for children who are willing to comply but, for a good number of parents, they just create another battle to have and the original message gets totally lost.

The ridiculous battles we see played out on Supernanny are simply a way of teaching the parents to use their authority and stand their ground until the child gives in. There are other, better ways to do this but they wouldn't make such dramatic TV.

Time out, used as a positive, supportive strategy to remove a child from a situation in which their emotions, and possibly those of the adult, are out of control, can be a very effective way to enable children to learn to manage their own behaviour. They don't need to be placed on a specifically spot or step to humiliate them or reinforce the naughty label. That gives the strategy a negative slant and changes it from a learning experience to a punishment.

We all have to learn to walk away and calm ourselves at some point. If we teach children to do this by guiding them away from a fraught situation, giving them strategies and time to bring their emotions back under control and gather their thoughts, we are managing their behaviour and equipping them to do it for themselves in the future.

An 18 month old who is throwing toys can be dealt with by a clear "No" so they understand that it is not acceptable. They can then be redirected by either showing where to throw more appropriately,e.g. with a ball in the garden, or encouraged to engage in an alternative activity. Sometimes they will keep trying to return to the unacceptable throwing and, at that point, it is the adult's role to repeatedly intervene again, using "No" and a redirection until the child accepts that they aren't going to be allowed to do it.

Throwing toys was an example. My dd is not humiliated by being in time out. She does understand the concept. She is not shouted at, hit or treated unfairly.
I do spend time with her, all day but other things need to be done in the day too and she needs to learn that. I do not have time to spend all day saying 'no' she just finds it funny.
If the behaviour warrants discipline, I get down to her level an explain we don't do that and why and then try distraction. If she carries on, she goes in time out.
I'll hold my hand up and admit I don't have the patience of a saint but this makes her realise she can't do what she wants all the time and stops me from losing the plot.
I'm not saying it's for everyone or that it'll work forever but it works for us.

My dd is not humiliated by being in time out.

That's good.

Some children are.

Well in those cases it's not an effective way of dealing with a situation is it?

I also have a boisterous 15 month old son for who cat chasing is a full time hobby. I just leave him to it. If the cat scratches him then he'll realise that this maybe isn't such a good idea. As it is, I seem to have a very tolerant cat who either runs away or swats at my son with claws retracted as if he were dealing with a naughty kitten. DS thinks this is hilarious!

I try to use the word "NO" said with a fair amout of force sparingly for things that are really going to cause DS damage eg. trying to touch a hot oven. So far this has worked. I try to use other words for other situations. I use "Careful" a lot when he's doing something that could be a problem but he's not in immediate danger. If he throws a toy then I take it away from him and if he then has a tantrum I make sure the surrounding area is safe and leave him to it. I think he understands direct consequences better than time out which is a bit too abstract for a baby and impossible for them to co-operate with.

Well in those cases it's not an effective way of dealing with a situation is it?

A lot of people still do it.

Ds is 19 months and we've used the hall for about a month. If he's doing something dangerous, I put him in the hall and close the door (it's well lit and he has toys) for about a minute. He usually stands at the door smiling and waiting for me but he's been completely distracted. Now, if he's misbehaving, I say 'do you want to go to the hall' and he smiles, nods, says yes and heads on out there like it's a great thing... And again completely distracted. I don't close the door anymore either.

It's actually really cute and I try not to laugh every time. I'm not sure how or why it works or for how long... But it. Does

Helen- what you are doing sounds very cute but how effective is it? Your son sounds very confused.

Is this a punishment? He is smiling and is given some toys to play with- Not sure that I understand what you are trying to teach him here.

No it's not a punishment, more of a distraction method but it's certainly a form of time out which is what the op is asking. I'm not really interested in giving it a label though, it works for now and that's all that matters. When it stops working we'll move on to something else or improvise! Before I do it, I do say 'no' sternly and explain that he's not allowed do what he's doing.

He's given toys but less than usual and is on his own! Usually hall door is open and he comes and goes between lounge and hall to give him some freedom, both childproofed!

I am another one unconvinced by the naughty step. My mum (my rl source of wisdom other than mumsnet!) says - if your child will sit on the naughty step, they're not naughty.

I have used time in more effectively with my eldest once she was 3+ where I remove her and sit with her if she's chucking a tantrum/ lost the plot so I'm there for her when it's all too much. (we go somewhere else so no one else has burst eardrums!)

I agree with the poster who talked about being too young to understand consequences, distraction is the best technique for 18 months IMO.

Also, I stressed a lot about dd1 wanting my attention all the time. She still wants my attention all the time, but it is better as she has got older and it was a waste of my time and energy to try and 'fix' her. It's part of her personality and what she needs, and as much as I try to make it all positive etc etc. I've decided the best I can do is try to understand her and not criticise her whilst not overindulging her. Hard balance! So I feel your pain about never getting anything done. I just wait till bathtime now and whizz round while DH does bath.

Oh, and I once heard some child psychologists talking on the radio. They said the only use of time put/ naughty step was to give the parent time to calm down.

Time out!

In some cases that's probably true... That it's only for the parents! In many cases it's not. It, as everything else, depends on the child, the battle or lack of and the result. Every kid responds differently to every tactic.