19 month old starting to get rough with friends

[HelenHen]

Not in a malicious way but he'll try and cuddle them and knock them over or try and pull them over for a cuddle and they fall. He used to pull Hair but thankfully got out of that phase and now just pulls his own.

I don't think it's anything to worry about and would imagine it's normal but how do I deal with it? I've pulled him away, get down to his level saying no, we don't do that And you've hurt her, put him in time out, check friend is ok and apologise to mom while trying to make him apologise to child which obviously he doesn't yet!

Its so embarrassing and I don't want people to start distancing theselves from us as we don't have many friends!

Any advice?

Atthestrokeoftwelve....are you Katie Hopkins??

Delurking just cos I wondered.

Yes, we had this starting at around 19months. DS has gone through the hitting, biting, pinching, scratching and hair pulling phases... All have passed. He's a lot worse than his peers but they have all had their moments. As soon as he drops one horrible behaviour though another trots along. Caught myself saying "no head butting!" the other day, which is not something you ever expect to have to say to your 2.2 year old... Luckily it was DH he was headbutting and not another kid! He's understanding much more now that you don't do that to your friends etc etc. I don't think there is much more stuff he can do now though, I mean where can you go from headbutting!

I avoid trigger spots, usually softplay where there are lots of little toys, he just can't cope. Lots of fresh air and running round in the park with his mates. Super close supervision. You start to get a sixth sense about when he is going to do something, and I remove before he does. It's much worse when he is tired, hungry or thirsty so I keep on top of all that, in fact he now gets weak squash instead of water to drink because he drinks so much more of it and is a much nicer child!

Prevention is much better than cure...with DS, the biting especially was becoming a habit. He just liked doing it. Breaking the habit, I.e. Preventing the bites from ever happening, worked much better than punishing or whatever afterwards. What worked really well though, from about 22 months, was talking before we went out then we would be gentle, share, and NO biting, pinching etc. in fact I would do it several times a day about how we share with friends and we don't bite, and always before bed. He then went through a phase of licking and saying "no biting," as he would lick my arm or whatever. You could almost see the little cogs turning as he remembered what we talked about.

DS (2.8 now) was a biter (I say was with a hopeful face), his was definitely down to communication. But thankfully as he got older and learned he'd actually hurt someone he stopped. Re the cuddles he loves to kiss his friends goodbye (and them back to him), I just try to make sure I'm stood right next to him as sometimes they both lose their balance. I'm not going to stop him being affectionate because he can't quite get it right, but I'll help him try and figure it out.

I like your last paragraph hardertokidnap. I've been playing more with his toys and putting them to sleep and emphasising 'gently' and making him stroke them gently. He definitely understands but the odd time he gets overexcited and reaches out and grabs my cheek or neck or a handful of my hair. It's gonna be a long few months I reckon

Minibmw yep, when he's hurt a friend, he does look at them all sad and concerned when they cry! I'm looking forward to him understanding a bit better that this is a result of his actions.

Quick update: ds has played with the same friend a couple of times this week but, apart from one incident where he tried to pull her over to him but I got there in time, he played really nicely. In fact she pushed him once and flattened him another time. I feel much better about it this week