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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

14 month old night waking for cuddles

15 replies

Lilypie · 08/08/2006 12:16

Is clinginess as 14 months very common? She wont sleep unless I am holding her or at the very least, in the room. Have tried controlled crying but couldn't bear it. She's also very sensative during the day to me leaving the room / putting her down if she's not ready to be put down etc.
If I thought this was a normal developmental phase it'd be easier to bear. Has anyone else experienced this kind of clinginess and insecurity at this age?

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brimfull · 08/08/2006 12:21

sorry don't have a definitive answer but thought the thread title was sooo sweet "waking for cuddles",aaaawww

Personally I would view it as a phase and indulge in the cuddles if she needs them.
Not much help ,sorry.

mcnoodle · 08/08/2006 12:29

My 14 month old definately been going through clingy stage for a good couple of months.

From what I've read this is perfectly normal, and coincides with a range of developments for your dd. In particular, their ability to remember things beyond the here and now, which means she knows when you put her down to sleep that you will be leaving her eventually.

It's a phase - give her the cuddles!

clairemow · 08/08/2006 12:30

def think it's a phase (think it's quite common around 18 months) - she's probably just becoming aware that you are not attached to her physically and it worries her when she can't see you. Have you tried sitting a little further and further away each evening so eventually you're sitting by the door, then outside, might be more gentle than controlled crying?

liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 12:40

DS has always been a fab sleeper and he's now 21 months. However he did go through a brief phase of night waking around the same age as your DD. it passed pretty quickly but I used to go into the romm, stroke his forehead and say 'shhh, sleep time'. That would take literally 30 secs and then I'd leave the room. He'd generally carry on crying but I went backin every 10 mins until he calmed down and went back to sleep. I found this less difficult than controlled crying but me and DH also believe quite strongly in sleep associations and we didn't want DS to get the wrong message. It's up to you though and depends how you work as a couple. The phase only lasted a week or so. Good luck, I'm sure she'll be fine soon.

riab · 08/08/2006 13:09

Liquidclocks, what you are describing is Controlled crying? or at least thats what I've always called it.
My 16mo DS likes cuddles too but I wasn't willing to get up 5 times a night to give ihm them!
We did CC, that meant he got a cuddle and 3 nursery rhymes to go to sleep, then I popped him in his cot and said goodnight, shhhhh.
I left the room for 5 mins then popped back in, if he was upset he got another cuddle, as soon as he was quieter I say Shhhh again and leave. repeat and repeat. After a while I went to 10 mins, then 15 mins, then 20 mins.
If he wakes in the night i leave him 5 mins to see if he will resettle, then I go in, small drink of water nappy check and cuddle. He generally goes striaght back to sleep now which is great, occasionally I have to pop back in after 5-10 mins to reassure him again.

PS If he SCREAMS (ie sounds upset/hurt) I always go straight in to check him.

I do give him a cuddle and / or reassure him with my voice but I don't cuddle him to sleep to avoid sleep associations.

Original poster

Lilypie · 08/08/2006 13:15

Unfortunately this has been going on a few weeks already, on the advice of other mumsnetters I co-slept with her last night and was surprised how refreshed she was this morning, but,like liquidclocks I strongly believe in sleep associations and I don't want to make this into a regular thing. I'm so hoping she'll just revert back to her old ways of being a fantastic sleeper one day!

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Original poster

Lilypie · 08/08/2006 13:18

The trouble at the moment is she screams if I even make the move to put her in her cot, don't want to teach her that screaming = cuddles!

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liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 13:39

when I had controlled crying explained tome it involved leaving them for longer and ust checking they were ok rather than any interaction. Sorry if I was wrong, I just wanted a slightly softer approach but without risking wrong sleep associations.

Lilypie - DD isn't teething is she? I know ths might sound really obvious and sorry if you've checked. Does she get comfort out of anything else - DS has a muslin and sucks his thumb but I know of some otgher mums who leave a no-spill cup of water in the cot.

I think personally she does need to learn how to get back to sleep without a cuddle... how you do it is more difficult - make a fuss of a special sleep toy, maybe someone else will have some alternatives.

liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 13:43

btw, don't want to worry you further but it does already sound like she's learned that.

If co-sleeping's for you and it works then fair enough but you need to think about whether it's a habit you can live with. I couldn't - don't get enough free time in bed with DH as it is!

Original poster

Lilypie · 08/08/2006 18:28

No, couldn't live with co-sleeping. I need my space and dd is very hard to settle in my bed anyway, always wants to play etc.

Just read the advice in What to Expect - The Toddler Years and it's made the most sense so far so I'll see how I go.

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muma3 · 08/08/2006 18:31

i have a thread on this problem . dd3 is 14minths (2nd june o5) and she is being a nightmare at the moment . hates going in her cot at nap times or eve and im going crazy . she also follows me everywhere and screams at bottom of stairs if i close gate and go to get something . i think they must go through a stage tbh

liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 19:26

Best of luck lilypie - hope you have a good night tonight

Original poster

Lilypie · 08/08/2006 21:48

Muma3 - bless you, my sympathies but I have to tell you I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Thankyou liquidclocks, you are such a sweet heart.

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muma3 · 08/08/2006 22:20

me too its getting easier though went straight down for first time in ages , had a few moans but then went to sleep . think they like to test you more at his age too seeing what they can and cant do .
sypathies go to you too hun

TFD9 · 01/08/2018 23:54

Hello.
First post.
Our son (second child - the first is an amazing sleeper) is giving us sleepless nights and has done pretty much since day one.
Between midnight and one am he will start to scream and will not stop until he has had a cuddle - it used to be breast and then bottle. (I know we should have nipped it in the bud a lot sooner but external factors precluded that). He will scream for hours.
We have tried, giving in and cuddling (easiest but exhausting), controlled crying, the chair method, even one night of crying it out (never again). At our wits end. Any and all constructive thoughts and suggestions are most welcome.
Thanks

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