Is this a pre-cursor to anti-social behaviour, or just boyish-ness...?

[NormaSnorks]

Was at a kids party at someone's house today and saw the following:

• 6 year old boy whacking a bouncy castle repeatedly with a toy golf club
• same boy climbling across top of material part of bouncy castle (quite fragile) despite being told not to
• 4 year old swiping at rose bushes and smashing heads off (repeately)
• 6 year old throwing windfall apples at other children (DS got hit in the face.... )

These aren't things I think my kids (same age) would do, or if they did and I saw them I'd stop them...

Am I just too strict? Is this just what being a boy is about these days?

Sounds pretty normal to me, unless boys are closely supervised they get up to mischief. Next door's kid lobs apples over our fence.

My DS still a baby (18 months) but starting to show potential for mischief. I wouldn't be too impressed if he was doing any of those things, especially not as a guest at someone else's house/party.

In fact, I used the old "If you do that once more we'll be going straight home" line on him just last week when at a friend's house he kept playing with the hi-fi controls....it worked.

Boys at parties are uncontrolable, I have a hyperative 10yr ds whom I thought would grow out of this behaviour but he hasn't. Alot of the children in his class all behave the same. They don't get freedom these days, they are cooped up in the house, or under the watchful eye of an adult, they have no social skills because we are there doing it for them!

We have just been to the Brain Gym, apparently he is dyslexic and dysphraxic and the behaviour problems stem from his coping strategies he has built up over the years.

I have no support from the doctors or the school.

ok....this is very sad to say but this IS just normal boys behaviour!!!!

I have two of the critters and believe me, as many times as I ask them not to do something, they invariably will to it about ten times behind my bakc.

I also have a fair few friends, and we all say the same.

truth be told tho, before having my own sons, I truly thought it was a discipline problem that the parents had (and I speak of someone who has brothers and nannied for twin boys too, ooh, and before I had my daughters, there had been 10 boys born into the family in 10 years, and no girls, so I really should have known!!!!!).

anyway....there was me with my three small little ladies who behaved (well, except for the whining part), and played babies, barbies and tea sets. they were angels. (this was before the hormoens hit you understand......hormones changes everything).

well......I was all very smug.....I clearly knew how to bring up charming well behaved children, my friends on the other hand raised thugs who wacked my girlies regularly, spat, ran, and generally ignored their parents!!!!!

and THEN

I had my own sons......

and now I know, all too well

they are critters who spit, chase the poor rabbits with plastic golf clubs, wipe bogies everywearblurgh, play with themselves at every opportunity, and aggravate and growl at each other and their sisters.

this week alone they have spent a lot of time on the stairs or bedrooms...and this has been a fairly GOOD week.

this is the price I payed for being a smug cow

BUT......when in a good mood, they are very cuddly, loving and totally gorgeous. and it goes without saying that they are gonna turn into handsome men like their daddy and dote on whom so ever they fall in love with

fantastic psychomum, here here!

{grin]...thankyou....

I do sometimes wonder tho how awful and smug I would still have been had I not had my sons.

they were definately sent for a reason

Nothing wrong with smug cows!

Moooooooo!

hmmmmm...when mine are 'on one', I would love to sometimes be a smug cow still.

nahhhhhhhhh....love em realllllllly. especially right now as they are asleep

I have 2.7 twins ds & dd and a ds of 10, my dd has only just gone to sleep I think I'll follow her footsteps so night night, sleep tight don't let the moooooooo cows bite, might just ya know, as we are camping out tonite (thats me and my 10 yr ds)

Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Moooooooooooooooo back at'cha

have fun camping....

oh yes (((((((sigH)))))))))))its just boyishness im afraid. ive got two of the little monkeys myself.

Thanks for replies...
Hmm - yes, I kind of feel it's fairly normal too, and don't get me wrong, my two would resort to this a lot too, but I usually try to stop/ divert them - and especially if we're at someone elses house and there is a greater than average risk of someone being hurt/ something being broken.

I think the reason it bother me is that I sort of see this behaviour on a continuim which could be the beginning of moe serious anti-social behaviour in the future?

I mean, if it's OK to throw hard little apples at people, then surely it's a short step to throwing stones at people?

If it's OK to go about whacking other people's property, then surely it's a small step to vandalising property?

The phrase 'nip in the bud' comes to mind??

Slepysooz - I know what you mean, but kids don't have to be cooped up in the house - there are playgrounds, gardens, swimming pools and organised sport facilities for kids to burn off energy and aggression...?

normasnorks......as and when I have kiddies partied from home (hell, when I have them anywhere), if I have little shites playing up and their mums/dads aren't with them, they get told in no uncertain terms to STOP!!!!

I think some take the lack of their mums to do stuff they know is completely unacceptable at home around otherpeoples houses, in the hope that they can do it there. add to that they general excitement of a party, plus the sugar rush they are invariably having, then you get a melting pot of behaviour. forgot to add that having friends there too makes it worse!!!!!

it really doesn't mean that they will turn into thugs, sadly it means that they are normal boys doing what their testosterone naturally makes them do.

put girlies together and you will get them playing babies, which can then quickly descend into a 'bitchfest', and don't be shocked at that....I have seen it happen to 5yr olds.....they tel one that the colour dress is horrid, who retorts that the othr girls hair is ugly.....and so on and so on.

tis the way of the world.....you just have to be strong enough and confident enough to make sure that any child in your care gets to learn what is acceptable to you.

I am know to my friends for stipulating in certain behaviours in my home, and sadly I will also tell my friends children off in front of their parents in their own homes if I see disrespectful behaviour.

BUT

My friends do in fact ask me to nowadays, and no-one minds because I am very free and grateful to allowing my own friends to tell mine off if they see fit!!! I find that mine listen better to my friends, as do their kiddies to me.....

only problem I do have is that my friends do threaten their kiddies with a phone-call to me if they are being particulary bad, as their kiddies know I stand for no nonsence!!!

guess that comes from being a childrens nannie, and being in charge of many unruly kiddies with no parents about (courtesy of being left in sole charge of a group of my employers friends kiddies....18 was the most).

Have got rather a loud NO and STOP going on now.

but please don't worry.....the most badly behaved of those early charges of mine has recently graduated from Uni with the highest result.(and no trouble with the law either.....seeing as uni results don't tell the type of person they are.....)

makes me feel old tho....i remember them being a snotty 'orrible gobby kid who laughed in my face....apparently tis a fine young man now, who still remembers me..(I was his cousins nannie)!

sooooooo....don't panic.............tis all normal, if infuriating!

Love your posts psychomum! Norma - I know what you mean about wanting to nip thing in bud. I think a lot of this behaviour in inherent in boys (ds1 is 5.5 and is on that cusp between adorable little boy and appalling thug), but I also think that parents should make it clear that such bahaviour is not acceptable, even if it doesn't stop it entirely. So if a kid was throwing apples AT people (v diff from throwing them over a fence IMO) I would expect parent (if they were there) to wade in and say no, even if they have to say no 50 times. I would say, from my limited experience so far, repetition is the fate of all parents, but with boys it is even more so. Even if they don't get the message about aggressive behaviour immediately, I do believe that one day it will filter through. [hoping fervently]

Norma - I think you misunderstood me, I don't lock my children under lock and key, the point I was making is, children are under our feet these days, in the 60's we played out by ourselves, we had freedom!!!!! children made their own decisions how they spent their school holidays!

Yes I know there are parks, but I can't go to the park unless I have 2 adults with me as I have 3 children, you must be very fortunate if you can use you park safely. (we don't have a catch on the gate in our park and its on a main road, just not a safe option.

Plus I can't take them swimming as the ratio of children is too high for safety, so again, you must be fortunate enough to do this!

Yes we have a field to run round in and we do do that! but you are obviously fortunate to have the option of choice activities, not everyone is in your position! you sound very lucky!

We paint, glue, make things, have paddling pool go on splash walks, autumm leaf walks, all the normal options parents have to do with their children, but again, we need to get out of the house, and a lot of things cost money which is another barrier we face, unless again you are lucky!

So its not as simple as you think!

Sorry I'll have to go, the twins are calling me, and we need to get out of the house for a walk (thats free)

Don't get me wrong though, there is no excuse for behaviour you described and yes I would try to nip it in the bud, but as I say it isn't as easy as taking them to the park etc.

If you read further down the thread, my 10yr is hyperactive/dyslexic/dysphraxic and alot of his behaviour is down to his own copeing strategies, and are very difficult to manage!

Put him with 2yr twins, and you have instant mayhem unless your're on the ball.

You have to be supermum to cope sometimes, its not easy! so sorry if my last posting seemed off, you hit a raw nerve in me, and I am feeling rock bottom at the moment.

Agree with Wilbur. They will try it on with this behaviour if they can get away with it. It's up to the responsible adult to decide when they've overstepped the line. Then it is repetition of NO.
I found just going out for a walk can get rid of excess energy/boisterousness. However, at a party if nobody is paying attention they will do some things that they know they shouldn't do, whether deliberate or unthinking, due to the excitement. So the parents need to be on their toes about it to make sure things don't get out of hand.
Sleepysooz - not sure I understand why you need to other adults with you before you can go to the park.

Sleepsooz - sorry just read your last post about your 10yo.

i think its illmannered and rude
to hit flowers and disregard other peoples property.

i have two boys - i mean BOYS. my youngest has always climbed trees - i always let him. trees are fun to climb and quite an achievement. a little dangerous - but then i judged on each occasion.

recently told him ( now13) he couldnt do this anymore becuase he would get arrested for ASB.

my boys would pick someone elses flowers to give me to make me happy - when they were younger - but not just bash the heads off. i think thats bad parenting.

the climbing over the roof of bouncy castle - i can see as something my boys would do in party excitement mode - i think thats rather normal.

my children would use the apples to play catch. throw them for the dog to fetch or see how far they could whack them with a bat.

no wantenly hurt other children. thats bad parenting.

some parents are too liberal and it fucks me off