4 year old and behaviour at school - teacher wants to "talk"

[mamabear35]

So i need some hand holding, calming down and a little perspective with regards to my little girl.

DD is 4 and is at preschool. She does Mon 9 -1 Tues, weds, thurs, 8 - 3
and Fri 9 -1.

Her teacher has told me today that she has had a bit of a meltdown earlier - but as she has been sneezing all day it could be that she's coming down with something. She didn't elaborate but she suggested I come and have a chat about what we can do. She has only ever brought up DD's behavour once before - apparenty she gets silly and finds it hard to calm down. That time she had been playing in the toilets and dropping water on the floor with some other children, when she was told to stop she became silly and couldn't stop laughing.

I have spoken to DD about this and reminded her that we always do what teacher tells us - we don't do silly things even if other people are doing them, and especially if we know it is wrong. Apart from those isolated incidents her behaviour seemed to be fine and I had no further reports - until today.

What I want to know is, is school over-reacting? When I asked DD what happened today she said she was told to sit apart from the class because she was making silly faces and making silly noises. I only have her version of events as the teacher didnt go into detail.

Am I wrong in thinking that for a 4 year old this doesn't sound like hideous behaviour and that she just needs to be pulled up on it.She is 4 ffs surely its up to the school and us at home to set the boundaries and help her to stay within them.

Just not sure why they feel the need to call me in for a chat?

I know that sinking feeling when school calls you in... don't worry too much. Maybe they just want to check that you are ok with whatever tactic they want to use with dd. She sounds like a pretty normal 4 year old to me.

Thanks LastingLight
You mean this has actually happened to others? No seriously I have just never heard of it happening to a mum of a four year old? How bad can it be?

It is just a chat. Why are you cross about tit

Sounds like an over reaction on the part of the school to me. Don't let them convince you she's abnormal if we are just talking about those two small incidents. Afterall the phrase 'behaving like a 4 year old' came from somewhere.

Hi givemeaclue

I'm not cross about it as just nervous I suppose. Of course I've built it up in my head that DD is soo badly behaved that they've had to call me in about her, otherwise why the chat? And I guess I'm finding it hard to understand how her behaviour at school can differ soo much than her behaviour at home.

Like most 4 year olds she has the occasional meltdown but she is much more thoughtful, sweet, gentle with her sister and considerate than she is silly. I'm worried that they have marked her out as badly behaved above everything else and are not giving her credit for all of her other attributes. Have other parents been spoken to about their child's behaviour for something that seems to me to be quite trivial? and at 4?

Moving a child away from the group where they can still see and follow what's going on but not be as disruptive for the group is a pretty standard and effective technique. Also, removing the "audience" can help a child to calm themselves down. From what you've said, your DD finds stopping once she's "worked up" challenging. Teacher is probably going to ensure that school and home are on the same page and that together you can help DD manage herself ready for reception.

Honestly don't worry!

Thanks hoppinghare thats how I feel but wanted to make sure I wasn't being PFB. If they are basing this chat on those 2 incidents - how do I gently, but confidently tell them I think they are over-reacting?

Thanks VanGogogh - and everyone for the ongoing discussion - it is helping me order my thoughts. I agree that sitting her apart is a fine tactic and allows her to calm down. It is what I use at home and what I asked the school to do - sort of take her out of the situation to allow her to calm down. So why are we having a 'discussion' about it?

As far as they have told me, once she is allowed to calm down she quickly adjusts her behaviour and understands how to behave. Do they really expect to never have to discipline 4 year olds or set boundaries?

Well you will find out when you talk to teacher.

surely its up to the school and us at home to set the boundaries and help her to stay within them.

Spot on and, in order to work together to achieve this valuable consistency, you need to communicate which is exactly what the teacher is trying to do.

Go with an open mind and an intention to work together to help your DD learn how to behave more appropriately in the classroom.

This sounds like an excellent teacher who works hard to nip problems in the bud before they affect anyone's learning. Your DD is lucky.

Thanks Goldmandra

ok I will hope for the best and as you say go in with an open mind. She is my oldest DD so this is all new to me. i do have a habit of preparing for the worse but will take a metaphorical chill pill and not over think it.

I think it's great that they want to talk to you at this stage.

Much better that you both know what's happening and how they intend to help her to deal with it than it suddenly becoming more of an issue (I'm not saying that it will) and then you feeling upset because they'd never mentioned anything.

Don't go in feeling cross, angry or upset. Go in with an open mind and a view to working together and being consistent with school to help your daughter to learn how to deal with her feelings.

How did it go OP?

Well we have arranged to meet after school next week. She did tell me it wasn't so much about naughty behaviour as much as working through some issues to make sure DD was happier at school.
Completely baffled but promise to go in calm, not upset and eager to hear what she has to say. Felt strangely sad about the whole thing.
Thanks for asking VanGoGogh will update you next week