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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Pre school want to start assessing DD - sorry long!!

19 replies

loujay · 03/08/2006 14:01

Me again, just when I think I have got myself on top of DD's behaviour at home something else comes up!!
DD has been visiting the preschool room at her nursery for the last few weeks and yeasterday was her first official day in ther (she goes 2 full days per week)
When I picked her up she cried when she saw me, which was a little upsetting, and also she had had 3 wet accidents during the day, her room manager said that she "needs alot of support" which I could not question further at the time as other parents were around, but have spoken to the nursery manager today who has said that they have decided to perform assesments over the next few weeks with a view to obtaining funding for a 1 to 1 person to work with her to bring her up to speed as it were.
I am obviously upset about this and the nursery on the one hand are saying that all children develop at different speeds and so not to panic, but are also saying that her language skills are below par and need to improve!!
A few months ago "friends" of ours commented on DD's language skills or lack of and bandied the word Autism around, at the time I took her to a speech and language drop in and they said she was fine, but here I am again......the nursery also have an issue with the fact that although she obviously understands everything they are saying to her, she doesnt follow up on instrucions immediately!!
She is my beautiful girl and I am majorly worried that there is something drastically wrong that noone including me has picked up on yet. Help!!
If you have got to the end of this thankyou.

OP posts:

LucyJones · 03/08/2006 14:02

Have you taken her to see your health visitor at all to reassure you that everything is fine?

Original poster

loujay · 03/08/2006 14:03

I only had the conversation with the nursery this morning and have just got back from work, that will be my next stop I think

OP posts:

thechildsslave · 03/08/2006 14:11

Sorry Loujay I asked how you were doing on your last thread . If she gets a 1 to 1 that is a good thing in the long run .Her understanding things is a good thing also not doing them immediatly is probably her way of controlling things . At least the nursery are being responsible about helping her and trying to do the best for her . How drastically can things be wrong .She is still your little wonderfull beautifull fantastic little girl . Nothing changes that . You still love her just the same .

Original poster

loujay · 03/08/2006 14:14

The thing is that she doesnt talk much, especially when we are out and about, she forms 2 - 3 word sentences. I have spoken about this before to the nursery and they said she was doing OK and that others in her class spoke less than she did, sop not to worry about it. Now it seems to be a problem

OP posts:

Original poster

loujay · 03/08/2006 14:16

Thanks TCS you seem to have a great way of putting things into perspective for me!!
The sensible part of me knows that this is the right thing for the nursery to do but I am cross that they seem to be shifting the goalposts.

OP posts:

Original poster

loujay · 03/08/2006 14:18

On the home front things are going fantastically well!! She is obedient, no tantrums, we are getting along together well and I have not shouted once

OP posts:

RubyRioja · 03/08/2006 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxinsocks · 03/08/2006 14:38

I think I'd be a bit suspicious tbh loujay. If you have taken her to a 'speech and language' drop in and they have said she is fine, then why are the nursery making an issue out of it? If I was you, I would take her back to the speech and language place and ask them for a further opinion stating that her nursery seem to think it is an issue.

(I'm not sure how old your dd is)

thechildsslave · 03/08/2006 14:59

I think the nursery are trying to do the right thing and as you say you are upset that they have moved the goal posts ,the goal posts are still there and they still have to go through them . I would if you could take a video of your daughter at home in a casual way ie her singing a song or doing a special thing for daddy just so you have on record her speach or even a tape recording because if you have to go down the route of speach therpy they always clam up in front of strangers and you are sat there like an idiot saying : well she speaks fine at home : LOL
Hope your counciling went ok today .

Davros · 04/08/2006 13:58

I haven't seen your other threads/posts Loujay. I would go back to the SLT place if you can, see your HV and GP too. Not to over-react but to have those things in place if necessary and maybe get reassuring and a different perspective.

cg25 · 04/08/2006 14:09

Message withdrawn

pinkandsparkly · 05/08/2006 14:20

Woah woah woah! that's what I would be inclined to say to your nursery/pre school!

As I understand it, your dd has only just moved up to a new group? In my experience tears on being collected and a slight dip in communication skills are perfectly normal when a child moves up a group.

I'm pleased your nursery are so on the ball, and obviously want the best for the children in their care but I would advise them to hold fire a bit to let your dd settle in properly before involving outside agencies.

If I was the NN in charge of your dd's group and I was concerned about her in anyway then I would
a: LET HER SETTLE IN PROPERLY!!!!!

b: Discuss my concerns with the staff from her previous group.

C: As above but with anyone senior to me eg; manager

d: Begin to do regular observations on the child. (this may be what they mean by 'assessment'?)

I have carried out this process on numerous occasions during my NN career and have found it works well. If, after a while it became clear that there was a 'problem' (hate that word) then We would involve the parents and any outside help we felt was appropriate. Having a folder of observations meant I had evidence of my concerns and something concrete for the parents to digest.

Hope your dd does settle quickly into her new group. I would say don't panic about her language skills etc.., trust what your instincts tell you. Remember, YOU know her better than ANYONE.

pinkandsparkly · 05/08/2006 14:20

Sorry, that was so loooooooooong

southeastastra · 05/08/2006 14:24

i've been through all this, my ds(5) was referred to speech and language at 3. i know in the long run it is a good thing, but sometimes can't help but feel they want all the children to be the same iykwim.

MaryP0p1 · 05/08/2006 15:32

The nursery just want to confirm all is as it should be and if not the support she requires is in place asap. Its a win win situation for you because if all well there no problem and she get more one to one than she would normally. If not she gets the support she needs. Its difficult to accept that you child might need a little extra help but better she gets it (if its required) no?

liquidclocks · 05/08/2006 16:36

Hi - we just had a total over-reaction from our nursery because DS has had a few weeks of being a little monster having previously been ever so cute and charming - he's just discovered he has independence and doesn't have to do everything you say!

I found the relevant page for you on the ican site here

Sounds a bit OTT - your DD is adjusting to new people and a new environment. If she's still struggling in a month or so then maybe you need to pursue the extra help option but I wouldn't worry. Children struggle with change sometimes, we expect a lot of them so young IMO. Speech and Language therapy would probably be quite fun for her if she did get referred, just as long as you don't let on that you're anxious. Both my brothers had it and I actually felt left out because they enjoyed it so much!

coppertop · 05/08/2006 17:05

I have 2 boys with autism and, as others have said, a lack of understanding is more of a concern than a lack of speech. Ds2 (3.5yrs) has great spoken language but doesn't understand a great deal when spoken to.

I very much doubt that the nursery will succeed in getting funding for full-time 1:1 support. Even with a diagnosis of autim my 3yr-old's SN funding doesn't cover that level of support.

As Davros says, it's worth getting your dd's name on waiting lists for speech therapy - even if only because there is such a long wait. If by the time dd's name gets to the top of the list she doesn't need an assessment then you can always just cancel it.

FWIW your post doesn't set any alarm bells ringing for me but obviously I'm not a professional.

Davros · 05/08/2006 20:22

I agree that nothing you've said rings alarm bells and I dimly had not noticed that she's just changed classes. So its a hard line to tread between over-reacting and being complacent..... maybe talk again to the nursery with some of the comments here in mind and see HV as well? But, if she does need extra help, as CT says, no harm to get on waiting lists and then cancel if necessary.

Original poster

loujay · 11/08/2006 09:12

Ok its a week on and I am much calmer!!
Thanks for all of your replies. DH and me decided finally to move DD back to the tweenie room until september when the school age children will have left pre school and therefore it will be her peers only in the room.
Last Friday when I took DD into preschool she cried and refused to leave my side which is just so unlike her.
So taking her lead I asked that she be transferred back to the tweenie room immediately, where, upon arrival she visibly relaxed and has had no accidents whatsoever for the 2 days that she has now spent there.
The tweenie room manager is back from holiday next week and DD is at her Nans for the week (decorating to do here!!) so I will make an appointment to go and see her to discuss the future for DD.
My gut feeling is that she just wasnt ready to move and felt out of her depth in the older class, so she showed it in the only way she can at the moment.
Thanks again to all.
Lou

OP posts:

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