Would nursery help her? Or make things worse?

[Happydaze77]

My 15mo dd has always been quite a sensitive little soul. She was a 'velcro' baby for her first 4 months (naps on me, comfort feeding etc) I always went along with this as I believe that, in order to foster independence, you have to first of all build their confidence.

She is now very comfortable around her grandparents (who look after her, in our house, for 5 hours twice a week while I am at work) but is still very wary of strangers. She's also very 'all or nothing': when she's happy she's happy but when something upsets her she cries like her world has just fallen apart.

I thought that this was totally normal and, as far as I can see, she has blossomed into a happy (albeit very spirited!) toddler.

However, a couple of people (one of them a hv) have asked me whether she goes to nursery (she doesn't) and, while they haven't explicitly said so, I got the impression each time that they were suggesting that her behaviour is perhaps linked to this.

I'm so confused now as I have based my childcare choices on the theory that, until they're around 3 years old, children do better when looked after in a one-one/ family setting.

Does anyone have any advice? TIA

I chose to have dd with a childminder from 11 months, and then combined the cm with a nursery when she was 3. I wanted her to be in a home environment and build a strong relationship with one person.

How lovely that your dd is looked after by her grandparents. I wouldn't change a thing unless you really want to.

My advice would be to not think about this too deeply. Chances are you have a completely normal toddler and when you put her in nursery is up to you.

Too young in my opinion.

Clingyness at this age is perfectly healthy and normal, and I strongly believe that trusted caregivers providing responsive, loving care is the best foundation to lay for the long term.

I honestly don't think that going to nursery would make a difference, different children have different personalities, in the same way as you and I do. If you and your DD are happy with your current childcare arrangements then stick with them, there is plenty of time for more formal childcare settings when she gets older.

She is however at a great age to start getting a lot out of playgroups/soft play etc where she can start to learn to be more independent whilst having the comfort that you/her grandparents are close by.

One of my DDs will be two next week and has always been looked after in a home setting (by me and/or a nanny) and we will be starting her at a prep school nursery for 2 mornings per week next term. She is fiercely independent and has never stepped foot in a nursery before. My younger DD is a completely different personality, I can already see she is a much more clingy 'mummy's girl' despite having had the same start to life as her older sister.

I second the play groups/ mums and toddlers /soft play . Your there but she can wonder and will wonder off with time. My son3.5 was exploring from 11 months he'd pop back and check in with me but was quite Independant. My daughter 14 months keeps me near her most of the time. I've recently started going to these places with her while ds is in pre-school to gain her some confidence. Some just take more time than others. She needs to do it with you before going it alone x

Thanks for replying.

I'm really happy with the current arrangement (and my parents would be heartbroken if anything changed)

She does enjoy going to soft-play and having play-dates. I would say she's fairly confident and independent in those settings. I agree that they need your presence to reassure them first.

Perhaps when she's a little older we might try some morning sessions at a nursery.

I'm always worrying about what's best - aren't we all?!

It sounds like you are doing a great job and she sounds like a happy little girl who is surrounded by people who love her, I think the current set up is perfect for her age!

I also find myself often worrying if I'm doing the right thing for my children, and then I remember I'm happy and they are too and it's all good again!

Nursery hasn't been shown to have any particular benefits for children younger than 2-3 years - a good nursery won't do any harm though.

I have a sensitive 17 month old. I have deliberately taken him to toddler groups and let him wander within sight, then popped him in the creche at church/the pool once or twice a week. At first, he clung to me and I ended up sitting in the creche with him, but very soon he was wandering off to play, and now he sees the toys and just runs towards them - I'm redundant! He is so happy now when he goes to the creche and loves spending an hour playing with the other children.