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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My son won't hit back......

51 replies

Sel00357112 · 05/02/2014 07:13

My son won't hit back! I have been brought up to fight back, never to hit anyone first, but always hit back.
I'm scared my son will become a target for bullies, what shall I do?

OP posts:

cory · 05/02/2014 19:31

I had another gentle boy- and very thankful I am too. It meant that when there was a problem I could go straight into school and know that he had right on his side, and there are plenty of ways of putting pressure on schools these days.

Now that he is older, his peers also appreciate his more mature approach: the ones that really struggle socially in secondary ime are the ones who don't manage to grow out of the very physical behaviour. Ds has very good friends and is well liked.

CandyJournal · 05/02/2014 20:02

Two wrongs will never make a right, some schools are very good at tackling bullying. My rule to my youngest son is if anyone hits you, tell your teacher or tell me.

angelinajollybutcher · 06/02/2014 09:10

Yes, Two wrongs don't make a right I agree.. I'm talking about 10 years ago. But even then school was supposed to sort out bullying, but all they did was bring the boy to the headmaster for a chat, call his mother who didn't answer or call back, and that was that. The bullying continued, got worse in fact.

My son started truanting and was picked up by the police. That brought it to a head. It's history now but my husband told me that he, (my son) feels a coward and a failure that he didn't feel capable physically of meeting the bullies violence with his own. He's a lovely, balanced young man now, happy and just started his first proper job.

But it really breaks my heart to know he feels the way he does about himself.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 06/02/2014 09:13

What should you do?

Congratulate him on developong a better grasp of common sense and morals than you, despite you.

mrswarbouys · 06/02/2014 09:19

angelinajollybutcher I'm so very sorry to hear that your son feels that way, he is still quite young though? I'm sure he'll come to terms things and understand that he's was right not to lower himself to the bullies level.

My sis' has twin boys and told me a similar story about one of hers.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 06/02/2014 09:21

Even 10 years ago schools had a legal duty to take bullying seriously. It was 10 years ago that my son was bullied and I knew that if I did not receive satisfactory support from the staff then it was well within my power to escalate things to the DOE, board of governers or even police.
All this was with in a parent's power even then.

Thankfully the head at my son's school took the bullying extremely seriously and acted well to stop the issues.

I do think that part of the reason that my son's position was supported so well was that he never hit back.

angelinajollybutcher · 06/02/2014 09:26

Yes we would have taken it further through the DOE. We thought that going directly to the family of the bully might work and work quickly - luckily it did.

BTW YoureBeingASillyBilly Did I say I see my son as a failure and a coward? Try and read and understand before you write your nasty, vile posts.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 06/02/2014 09:36

Angelina - who mentioned a "failure and a coward"?

angelinajollybutcher · 06/02/2014 09:47

Did you actually read my post. My son said that about himself. My husband and I were horrified he could think that way about himself. Again, try reading properly before you let loose your insluts.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 06/02/2014 09:50

angelina- reign it in a bit here- I haven't insulted you- please read my posts.

BuzzardBird · 06/02/2014 09:53

I have reported this thread as was pretty sure it would have gone by now.

mrswarbouys · 06/02/2014 13:48

Why you reported it ? We're discussing an important issue that effects many young people.

MNHQ

KateSMumsnet · 06/02/2014 14:04

Hello everyone - just a quick reminder of our guidelines

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 06/02/2014 15:45

Angelina have you mixed me up with another poster? I havent addressed you at all and didnt use those words. I was talking to the OP in my post.

BuzzardBird · 06/02/2014 16:35

Because it was posted to be goady and it worked. Where is the op I wonder?

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 06/02/2014 16:50

Just hitting back is an inadequate response.

Proper self defence is quite another matter.

There is more to bullying than punching.

matana · 06/02/2014 17:28

Ok, so I get that hitting back shouldn't be taught or congratulated, but what if your child is 3 and the whole concept of turning the other cheek is a bit beyond him? I ask because my ds hits back. I don't tell him off, but I do tell him that next time perhaps he could use his words instead to say he's angry. How old are we talking for the op's ds?

atthestrokeoftwelve · 06/02/2014 17:35

I think at 3 years old a child needs to be protected from being hit in the first place.

matana · 06/02/2014 19:41

That's not helpful or practical. 3 year olds sometimes hit. You cannot helicopter around all the time. I am not responsible for other children's behaviour.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 06/02/2014 20:08

You are not responsible no, but the other adult caregivers are. It would be up to you to deal with it on an adult to adult basis.

At three years old a child needs a lot of help in dealing with their , if another child is hitting then it's up to an adult to intervene on his behalf and make sure he is safeguarded.
That's not helicopter parenting, that's being responsible.

Three year olds are too young to be left to sort things out for themselves when violent behaviour happens.

ladyquinoa · 06/02/2014 21:17

Ha ha very funny op post

Elli4ka · 19/03/2017 15:46

I am in the same situation like you My ds is so good and he wouldn't fight back when he is pushed or hit. He is very social and friendly, but He would walk away if he is been pushed . I would like him to fight back to the bullies. I wouldn't want to see my son in the corner or on the ground.
I am thinking to sighn him to a fight club and encourage him to defend himself. Not starting a fight, but defend himself. Most of the mums here do not agree with "fight back" way, but if you see your son in the corner and being hit by other child then I'll ask what you would do.

Wolfiefan · 19/03/2017 15:48

Good. He won't hit? So he's not a violent thug. I would be proud.
If he hits someone he could get in real trouble. If he's caught throwing the punch and the other person isn't spotted hitting first then he takes the blame.
Teach him to use his words and seek help if he's being bullied or hurt.

blueskyinmarch · 19/03/2017 15:50

My children were taught not to hit anyone and they were never bullied. Teach your DS to be a kind and gentle young man, don’t teach him to fight.

NerrSnerr · 19/03/2017 15:51

Zombie troll thread

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