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Behaviour/development

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FREE TO COLLECTOR!! 1 small boy of 20 months.

52 replies

intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 17:15

Seriously, anyone want him?

I've had it up to here with him, I really have. He is Mr Tantrum 2006 at the moment, and I don't know what to do for the best, quite honestly.

He wakes up in the morning full of beans, and doesn't stop for the test of the day, which is knackering for me at 34 weeks pg. I can cope with the non stop energy thing, but what I can't cope with is the whingeing, biting, scratching, hitting, tantrumming and head banging. If I get another sodding brick thrown at me, I'll be doing time for sure. I feel like such an effing failure, as he just won;t respond to me at all. I have tried all sorts of things, like removing him from situation where he's misbehaving, ignoring the tantrums, saying no firmly while maintaining eye contact, confiscating any thrown objects, putting him down when he hits me (if I am holding him, which is when he normally does it) putting him in a chair in the corner (doesn't work, as he gets off it within 2 seconds) I try taking him in the garden to run off any excess steam, but that's even more stressful than staying indoors, as throwing takes on a whole new meaning (big stones, mud etc, all at me) and going anywhere is a different kettle du poisson, as he just cries when we are out, almost as if he can't take on the stress of being out and about with other children etc. This means we spend a large part of the week at home, and I am desperate to talk to someone who can speak anything other than monosyllabic words.

Everything came to a head today when I took him to the HV clinic so I could get him a script for his eczema creams. She turned up 20 mins late, by which time DS had whipped himself up into a frenzy, and was screaming the place down. The clinic was full of mums with tiny babies, who were all dogging me up (I do get a certain satisfaction in giving them the "just you wait, lovey" look, mind you) When it was finally my turn, HV weighed DS, and told me he is putting on too much weight, (he's on the same centile as he was a birth, wtf?) and she has made an appointment with me to "discuss his behaviour, and to discuss coping strategies" Now, this has totally battered what little shread of confidence in my parenting ability I had, and now I feel like a big pile of shite. I have spent most of the day wondering if it's all down to my lack of ability as a mother that my son can't behave, or that there's something wrong with him, etc etc.

I am dreading the baby's birth, quite honestly. I can't cope with one, let alone 2. I know a lot of it is down to hormones (mine) and age (his) but it doesn't make it any easier. I don;t quite know what I hope to achieve by posting all this, but it feels good to write it down, and maybe someone can give me a good stragegy for coping with a willful trantrummy child!

One more thing.........

Thank fuck for CBeebies.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 17:29

[desperate emoticon]

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burstingbug · 02/08/2006 17:32

intergalacticwalrus,
Sounds like the same situation I'm in!
39 weeks pregnant with a 17mth ds from hell who'll whinge and throw tantrums at the drop of a hat. Throwing things, bad behaviour, everything you've pretty much covered.
Please let us find the strength to carry on and hope things will improve and we can cope again once our hormones get back to 'normal'

MarsLady · 02/08/2006 17:36

So I'm guessing you don't want to swap for the DTs then?

Don't worry honey it will pass. He doesn't need an appointment to discuss his behaviour. He needs a practitioner who turns up on time.

You are fine! You'll do a great job with the second child as well. This time will pass.

hermykne · 02/08/2006 17:36

intergalacticwalrus
i'd say you'd like that ride to intergalacticus on a rocket

maybe a day away from him , is that possible? you need a break esp being pregnant.
and he needs some regieme, and i dont mean some awful mean scene thing, he needs to know that this is it and start with a fresh attitude towards him.
resist shouting etc
oyu prob know all this.

but 2 months ago, after i got really annoyed with my dd and she got a slap, she started slapping me whenever i corrected herso we had to nail that on the head. we discussed it and ds was included as he copies all her actions and i have to say it has stopped and we have a bold corner thats the utility room for time out, they hate it and usually after 3 warnings for it, say sorry and stop.
or they lose a favourite toy.

its very hard. i know but you have to ride above it.

intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 17:38

This particular HV is bloody patronising, and always implies that I feed him on crisps and turkey twizzlers alone. She's a hag. Other HV at GP's is great, but she wasn't there today.

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intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 17:39

God, I could do with a G&T.

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gracej · 02/08/2006 17:40

intergalactic, sorry, not much strategies to give you here, my DS is only 18 months, but really feel for you.
Please don't ever loose confidence in your parenting ability, being a parent is NOT easy, every child is different. When you are expecting a baby everybody tells you it's intuitive, but IT IS NOT.
So if somebody offers you an app to discuss his behaviour and coping strategies, I would say YES PLEASE, take pen and paper and make the most of it. Who knows, they may have some good ideas for you.
Good luck!

burstingbug · 02/08/2006 17:42

My hv's aren't that bothered about even weighing my ds they think that he is old enough now not to be too concerned about his weight. As long as he eats when he's hungry and has enough fluids he's fine!

intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 17:44

This HV also told me that DS had an abnormally large head (when he quite patently didn't) and she got me all worried about that as well. She also told me that I'd starve DS if I didn;t wean him at 4 months.

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intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 17:45

Anyway, enough about that old bag.

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TillyRose · 02/08/2006 17:47

Cancel that appointment to discuss his behaviour. He's a 20 months old boy ffs. His mother is about to turn his world upside down with a new addition and she is lacking any strength to deal with him right now.

I agree with the OP which said time will pass and his behaviour will change - not all for the better, mind you - but you will get more energy back and learn to manage him. Good luck.

TillyRose · 02/08/2006 17:48

Oh and I also remember saying to DH 'how am I meant to cope iwth another when I can't even cope with 1'. I have now taken them camping on my own for a week (ages 5 & 3) with some other mums and we did great. You will get through it .

intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 17:50

There's a chink of light at the end of the tunnel then?

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TillyRose · 02/08/2006 18:06

Definitely. It's a stage to just get through and enjoy if you can. Just take one day at a time, then in a few months you will see that he is now in a another behavioural phase! I do wonder if some HVs have ever had kids of their own.

psychomum5 · 02/08/2006 18:10

hey there......I owuld happily take on your 20mth old if you fancy my 5???? (12, 10, 7, 6, 4)

right then....seriously.....

you are doing fine. frazzled yes, but to come here and ask advice means you care which is the biggest bestest fine.

all babies/toddlers do this, so he is completely normal in that regard. add the age (terrible twos do not start on their second birthday....they start waaaaaaaaaaaaay before. normally from when they figure out how to walk and throw at the same time). add in you being pregnant (I have 22mths between my first and second so I do rememeber how it was), then quite frankly you have a melting pot of emotions.

DD1 had her first and hugest tantrum in toys r us at the grand age of 20mths. I was at the stage of bing unable to band down to pick her up...which she had cleverly taken on board, and so while shopping went 'on one'. we took her with some xmas money (was in the sales.......HUUUUUUUGE mistake), to buy a dolly pram. she didn't want a dolly pram....she wanted a play house. she then lay down on the floor, rigid, and screamed like a banshee....

tis only because daddy was there to pink her up that we got out the shop, as mummy was clearly unable to pick her up. the look of pure fury on her face when she realised that her 'trick' wan't panning thro was comical had I not been so ambarrassed.

anyhoo.......don't worry, it is normal, and it does get better. you will want to bury him in the garden a few more times than this I promise, but things are never so bad as when you are hormonal and pregnant!!! (actually.....hormones do figure after prgnancy, say, around, once a month.)

and beleive me when I tell you this........a 20mth old is MUCH preferable to a preteen grump

and you can take this as a whole door of light just wating to slam when said monsters hit puberty

psychomum5 · 02/08/2006 18:11

meant finest, not first....she had been tantruming a while already at 20mths

beansprout · 02/08/2006 18:20

Ds is 21mo and everything you describe sounds very familiar! Just want to say that you are doing fine. I wonder when your HV last had to entertain a toddler in a waiting room for 20 mins with one broken toy?!!

Keep talking to us lot so we can all support each other - there, that sounds like a fine coping strategy to me!!

intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 19:13

You are all wonderful, I feel so much better knowing I am not alone. Bloody kids, eh? Even more, bloody HVs.

I'm just counting the days until I can have a large G&T on the rocks.

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biglips · 02/08/2006 19:21

my DD who just turned 22 months old yesterday had her tantrums since she was 11 months old on and off, so what does mine called as she is not even two yet! but last week for 2 days on the run.. i managed to bite my tongue with her as 1st day she did the wall of death in the living room cos she wanted some dried fruits from a bag and not from her bowl! the second day she screamed and screamed till she was gagging cos it was a mixture of tiredness and the park! as i was late for a appointment, DD was whacking the back of her head on the hard frame of pram big time till i thought she gonna draw blood out of her head..i tried to calmed her down and once she calmed down i asked her whats up? adn she kicked off all over again ! (oh crumbs!) so i just ignored her and she kept on asking "mummy?" "mummy?" "mummy?" so i bent down and asked what? - guess what??? she kicked off again!! i couldnt win AT ALL!!!!!!

i had to wait till i got home and i put her to bed = i was sssoooo tense as my shoulders were stiff cos of the stress i had for 3 hours!!!!!!

RANT is over - hee hee!! otherwise she is an angel!!

intergalacticwalrus · 02/08/2006 19:29

Oh Christ, Biglips. I can relate to that. DS has tantrums often because he wants his "dink" from the purple cup, not the blue cup etc etc. It's a pain in the bot. His main reason for his tantrum this morning at the HVs was because he wanted to sit in his pushchair. When I sat him in there, he just said "down, down" I can't do anything right. Also, I have to take a sodding Jo Jingles doll everywhere I go at the moment, as he is surgically attached to it, and it causes no end of trouble if I forget it.

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wrinklytum · 02/08/2006 19:41

Dear IGW hes just going through terrible 2 it will pass.I had dd when ds just turned 2 and was a little b....r. and toddler tantrums + being pg/new baby is a nightmare.DS is coming out the other side now and I have suvived minus a little of my sanity.It will get better.Good luck.

kittywits · 02/08/2006 20:27

2 year olds--bl**dy nightmare- you can never do ANYTHING right. Up is down, black is white etc.etc.etc. I've never liked this age group, before I had kids I didn't like them, once I had kids I liked them even less.
HOWEVER, saying that, it's a phase and one day you will realise that the little horror has actually been lovely, happy and kind all that day. Those days will come more and more often . Hey ho, that stage will be over and a new one begins. New challenges, none in my mind quite as bad as those presented by a 2 year old.
I haven't reached the teenage stage yet so I've no doubt that I will be changing my mind on that one!

biglips · 02/08/2006 20:36

so that means that my DD will get WORSE???? nnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

kittywits · 02/08/2006 20:36

How old is she big lips?

kittywits · 02/08/2006 20:42

It will pass. You just have to make out like you're a rodeo rider or something and hold on for dear life. remember, they are manipulative but they are not in control of themselves and it does frighten them to get so angry with things. my current 2 year old had really fearsome tantrums. they'd come out of knowhere and she would be in consolable. I once had to drag her across the floor by her arm through boots, with a wee babe under the other arm and the shopping God knows where. She was SCREAMING and people were STARING . When she'd finished tantrums like that she would come up to me sobbing slightly, wanting a hug and would always say "I'm better now". like she thought she had got broken slightly and needed to fix herself. She's comming out of the other side and is really lovely to be with most of the time.
TAKE HEART!!!!