Crying

[Taler]

It has been suggested to me that babies need to cry sometimes in order to learn to regulate their emotions to understand how to get their needs met and that if you 'rescue' your baby all the time she won't know that its ok to cry and will become more distressed say when you leave her because she won't realise she can self soothe. It also sends her the message she can't soothe herself or sort her problems and that only mummy can and that the world's a scary place.

Would be keen to know others thoughts on this?

FYI my DD is 12 weeks old and is generally a pretty contented baby who doesn't really (thankfully) cry that much. However when she does I do always rush straight to her, even when it's not a 'proper' cry.

Baby's cry for a reason. I've always picked my dd up if she was grisly or seemed unhappy . They are babies for such a short time why make it stressful for you both and I as her mummy can sort her problems Just like her daddy can too.

When dd goes to bed sometimes she will moan fir a short while but I know she is very tired and she is just winding down. If it goes it to a cry I will see to her.

Self settling will naturally come when baby is secure and happy - leaving to CIO dosnt bring that - I feel.

Thankfully she is a very happy little baby and doesn't really fuss and I feel that's because if she needed me I was there.

I think that is complete tosh, and don't see how it can be anything more than someone's own notion of what babies "need". There's no way you could sensibly test that idea to prove it!

I was as responsive as possible to my baby, also not letting him cry if I could do something about it. He has developed into a confident, happy, calm and lovely toddler (I am obviously biased here!). He sleeps through and is easily put down for his naps and bedtime. Obviously my 1 example does not prove or disprove anything, but my personal instinct is always to respond to my baby.

She's twelve weeks old. The world is a pretty surprising place, if not scary. Pick her up and cuddle her, that's what she needs. It goes so quickly. Ignore anyone who mentions rods and backs. They are talking rubbish.

Pretty silly stuff. As said before, babies cry for a reason. They cannot self soothe, the simply give up. You cuddle your baby as much as you want

Not sure that you could really prove the original point without being harmful to the child tbh, but anyway, this is my experience.

DD cried non stop whether I picked her up or not. She was in pain with reflux and absolutely nothing would help, bar medication. Once that was stabilised she was able to only settle with dummies, despite my pretty much going to her within minutes whenever she was upset. At age 4 she is the most stoic, uncomplaining and bouncy child, in fact the first sign you generally get that she is ill or in pain is bad behaviour rather than upset. She sleeps through reliably and has done for years now. She is happy, confident and bright.

DS was contented from the word go, rarely got upset and is cuddled whenever he cries. Granted I am more concerned about waking DD with crying but it settles him immediately, he is a very cuddly child. His character at 8 months is in many ways more laid back than DD, but he is more likely to get upset if I leave the room which I never experienced with DD. He also sleeps reliably and can be easily distracted if needed.

The personality for mine seemed set from day 1. Both have been responded to promptly, one seemed to appreciate it, one didn't, but the one who did is also more sensitive to my presence. Both are happy in general and have no issues with other people caring for them.

I don't think you can 'spoil' a baby with cuddles.

Don't really know about the science behind it but after having a second, who I couldn't always rush to because busy with dd1, I found he would often be crying because he was tired and he'd be asleepbefore I got to him (5 mins max) and it was one of his sleep cues. After a little while I could tell this crying from a cry for food, attention etc.

So whilst you've only got one make the most of having lots of time for cuddles but equally I don't think it does any harm if you don't instantly rush to them,wwhilst not leaving them to CIO.

Babies can't regulate their emotions so rely on you to help them. Responding quickly and soothing them is exactly what they need. Leaving them to cry stresses out their nervous system and releases stress hormones that effect the way their brains develop.

There is a great book why live matters: how emotion shapes a babies brain that explains it really well.

If you look at attachment theory, secure attachment (.i.e. the ability to form lasting, happy relationships througjout life), whereby an infant's emotional needs are met, forms the basis of a happy, secure person. We're bringing up our children to be well adjusted adults (hopefully) and I fully support soothing a crying baby.

I never let my babies cry.