5yo attitude!

[JustLetMeSleep]

Am really fed up with DD1's attitude. She's 5, and currently either ignores whatever I say, or repeatedly says 'pardon?' and I have to repeat 4 or 5 times. There are occasional glimpses of my lovely daughter but mostly this is how she communicates with me at the moment. She has a baby sister, 9mo, whose sleeping is shocking. I'm often grumpy because chronically sleep deprived (and probably DD is too) but am trying. Is this it now? Just can't find a way through to her. Am trying to wean the baby so DD and I can do more things together but it's not gone well so far. Hard to feel good about any of it at the moment really. Blugh.

It is really hard juggling a baby and an older child esp when sleep deprived. It will get easier as baby gets older! My daughter is 6 and goes through funny phases sometimes when she has a bit of 'tude or won't listen. It is probably a mix of the age she is at and getting used to new family. Is your dp able to help much?

Thank you. I just feel so guilty. When DD2 was born I felt I'd lost the good relationship I had with DD1 and people assured me it would come back, but 9 months on I feel it still hasn't, and I'm now basically a shouty bureaucrat who just moves them endlessly on to the next process that has to be gone through. There isn't any fun any more. I've promised her for months that once DD2 takes formula we will do some things but that hasn't worked out and I'm still bfing DD2 a minion times a day and sick of it tbh. I just need a bit of distance and to feel like I have two children who have equal needs and while I'm bfing I have real difficulty doing that and DD1 always gets told to wait or hang on or occupy herself. Rubbish.

Sorry, yes, DP helps and tries to settle DD2 but she's only interested in the bm now, won't calm or sleep for anything else.

I too am struggling with DD1, she is nearly 5 and sometimes I'm torn between wanting to tell her off and wondering if I should just let her be 4 1/2 years old and dawdling and taking an age to get anywhere. I worry so much that I'm going to 'ruin' her by being a parent who berates her for playing a little too roughly with her little DD or doesn't share her things or doesn't listen when I'm talking to her. Writing this is even making me think I should just chill a bit. I think when she behaves I project her behaviour to +10 years and think 'this will not do at 15. I must sort now'.
Any parents out there with similar aged children or older ones who 'grew out of it?' Or find a particular reaction to work with such behaviour? Really interested to hear your views. Thanks.

I remember feeling like that with my second child, a bit like I had lost the first one. But you find each other again, it happened again when I had dc 3 aswell. I guess like you say maybe you need some space maybe do some nice things for yourself if you can and then it might feel easier when you are with the children . I guess the thing is you want them to be close with each other aswell so maybe it is easier to focus on having fun with both of them together for another 6 months or so and/or getting dd to be your helper when bf instead of sending her off to play.?

Mine are 3, 6 and 8 and I still have days where I really struggle and think I am not doing well. When I rememer to to do the whole slightly fake 'well done' voice with mine and notice the good behaviour they do respond better to that. You could try going back to the sibling advice in the toddler books and babying your eldest a bit with lots of cuddles and a dvd while bf or treating her as your little helper rubbing babys back or picking out clothes so she feels involved (the plus side of this kind of thing with mine is they usually decide running off to play isn't such a bad option after all ;) ?

Could you settle the baby in the pushchair for a lunchtime nap instead of through bf, at least that way you and your dd could play at the park or hang out in a cafe or possibly just go round the block and then she might sleep in the puschair at home?

I think in a year it will all be so much easier and you will be enjoying them both so much more.

sorry mar1a I dodn't see your post. My ds is 8 and a bit angelic at the mo def harder when he was around 4!