i have a friend whose ds has been at preschool with dd1 all year and they are due to go into the same reception class in sept. she's a lovely girl but is having lots of problems with her ds's behaviour towards her. at school he's fine, bit of a dolly daydream, but nothing disruptive or anti-social. towards her though he will kick, hit, shout and even spit. she has quite low self esteem and is on ADs; she admits she's at her wits' end with him and her dh is very litle help. on the plus side she's sought help from her HV and GP who has recommended couselling for her and the HV is sorting out parenting classes for her and her dh. when her ds kicks off she knows what she should be doing to help avoid it but she doesn't have the confidence or resilience to follow it through a lot of the time.
the other day she and another mum came round for a picnic at our house, both with their kids. dh had bought gingerbread men for dd1 and her 2 friends but i told them they could only have them if they ate some sandwiches and/or veggies and savoury stuff. my friend's ds refused to eat any savouries and asked me for the g'bread man. i said no, he would have to wait until dd1 and the other little girl had eaten their sarnies or it wouldn't be fair on them. he said ok but then started ranting at his mum. i know she wanted to just give him the g'bread man but i didn't want dd or her friends seeing one rule for them and another for him just because he was acting like a brat.
he carried on in this vein, refusing to use the downstairs loo, wanting to use the upstairs (which was just being bloody awkward as the stairgate was up to stop the 2 babies that were there going upstairs). my friend flipped and after threatening to take him home about 5 or 6 times (without any other threats) started getting her stuff together to go. she was close to tears. i told her not to go and she asked me if i'd have a word with him and 'get him to behave'. i took him upstairs and told him he was making his mummy very unhappy and that there would be no gb man unless he ate just 2 items of savoury food. i also told him that if he carried on making his mummy unhappy by being naughty he would have to go home and leavbe the girls to play without him. we then went downstiars and i stood with him in the kitchen as he sat at the table and took 20 mins to eat two bits of ham. It was PAINFUL and i felt quite uncomfortable by this time but i felt he and she needed to see him being held to an agreement and threats being carried through. eventually he ate this bloody ham and i let all of them have their effing gb men. i told him what a good boy he had been and how happy his mum would be and she gave him lots of praise. he seemed chuffed to bits.
she left later on and seemed happy, as did he, but i feel quite uneasy about it now. i'd hate another parent being so regimental with my dd and in some ways i felt it wasn't really my place to do this but i started something and i felt i had to finish it. i just hope she doesn't now think 1) i'm some kind of complete showoff who thinks they know it all or 2) i'm some kind of supernanny who has all the answers. i think her problems with her ds are quite deep-rooted and need addressing by a professional.