Toddler pushing baby sibling

[OutNumberedByBlue2]

DS1 is just 2 & Ds2 is just 10 months, so only a 15 month gap. Ds1 adores his little brother - loves giving him cuddles, kisses, 'helping' him & for the most part will even happily share with him.

In the last couple of weeks though he's started to push him when he's sitting on the floor. Ds2 isn't crawling or standing yet but loves sitting & playing. It's doesn't seem to be done in anger or temper or with any apparent reason for it. He will just randomly walk up to him & push him so he falls backwards.

We've obviously very firmly told him when he's done it that we don't push, you have to be gentle with babies, pushings not nice etc. We've used the naughty step for it to. Ds1 will say to us 'no push ds2' 'fall down, bump head' so he has some understanding. Obviously now we're right next to ds2 when he's on the floor constantly so we can pick him up at the first sign of trouble.

I'm really at a loss as to how to handle this for the best & why he's doing it. Help please?!

I found with mine that their relationship was an evolving thing. DD was sweet as anything when DS was a (very easy) baby. At each stage where he became more of a full person who could impose upon her, we had a week or two of more difficulties between them. Then things settle down as they both adjust to the new reality.

After all when your baby was little, he was quite different to how he is at 10 mths, your eldest has to adjust to this.

Once your baby is crawling and destroying your eldest's lego you will find they don't get on well, but they will muddle through and negotiate and then things will settle. (Hopefully!)

The first week that my eldest goes back to school after a holiday (she is in reception) is always difficult, she is herself getting used again to the rough and tumble of the playground, and she can be more pushy than usual with her brother. Then after a week or so it settles down again and she is back to her usual self.

You say it yourself, you are right next to DS2 as he plays on the floor. So your responses are immediate. DS1 knows you will react instantly. The naughty step to his young mind won't be a deterrent. Pushing DS2 is his Esc key he presses to get out of a program he resents. He has gained your attention.

Pre-DS2, when he acted up DS1 knew you were his constant, he could get physical, test his grab reflexes, push boundaries and you were still going to love him, even though you would re-direct his energy, tell him "Gentle hands" etc. He had 100% of your attention.

Now he has to share time with you with DB. He can adore him, play sweetly, give him cuddles under your watchful eye, I am sure you praised him from the outset whenever he was affectionate. Ten months on and maybe as you relaxed more when he was with his baby brother, you eased up on praising positive behaviour? I woudn't be surprised if DS1 has started taking himself to the naughty step anticipating what you will say when he shoves DS2?

Can you rethink how DS1 is occupied when DS is settling down, even if you say something trite like, "What a good boy you are DS1, doing X or watching Y", praise something specific or acknowledge a particular feature. It is full on with a toddler and baby, a lot of the time you will feel like you are parrotting phrases, DS1 will seem so much bigger and more mature than DS2, but he is still little in the scheme of things.

You have some really great advice above.

I also have an odd thing to add - I think it's sort of funny for them how they fall over. My DS is older (3.8 now), we've been through real roughness with our DTs and now he loves helping and kissing them really gently but he still pushes them over occasionally! It's like they're little dominoes for him as they tip right over with a really gentle push.

I will be following advice above, however. Just saying don't worry too much it seems quite normal to me.