3 year old anxiety/ won't go to bed

[deliverdaniel]

bedtimes are becoming a nightmare with our 3 year old and need advice or suggestions.
We do the whole routine- bath/ books in bed then say goodnight. He wants us to sit outside his door until he falls asleep but this is taking longer and longer, up to an hour. We are having no evenings at all now and no time together as a couple as one of us is always upstairs sitting outside his door. Last night we decided enough was enough and told him we would be downstairs. He is now upstairs sobbing his heart out- we have gone to check on him every few minutes and every time we leave he is just devastated. We have offered him a nightlight/ music/ a teddy etc etc. None of it makes any difference. Any thoughts or advice? are we being cruel to go through with this or does he need to learn? Any thoughts on how to do it? thank you.

Is he scared of being alone? Our 3 yo is terrified of the dark at the moment as he has been having nightmares. He still sleeps with us anyway, but at bedtime I sit with him until he falls asleep...it takes seconds. If I. Were to leave him I think it would take forever because he would t be relaxed enough to sleep iyswim?
This works for us, but if you are not happy to sit with him then you will have to persevere I think...and get him a nice nightlight and allow him to choose a new toy or teddy that helps him feel safe??

Oh poor thing. I know it's difficult but I'd try to find out what he's worried about. Talk to him during the day when he's happy and not tired.

Maybe just talk through what happens at bed time and he might just say why he's upset.

I am a compete softy and sit down holding both my children's hands signing songs, until they fall asleep. They are 6 and 8! Sometimes they ask me to leave them!! As other poster say, you are doing everything right with reassuring things such as night light and teddy. Has there been any changes in his day to day routine? New nursery/child-minder?

One thing I did when they were younger was to say 'I'll be back in two minutes and give you one more kiss/sing you one more song if you stay in your bed with your eyes closed'. They have a clock in their bedroom so they could tell when I was coming back. It did work, but I prefer to sit down with them! It usually takes then 5-10 minutes to fall asleep.

Agree with Tarte re it possibly just being a developmental stage - our 3.5yo is also getting scared of the dark & wants us to stay & so will try & drag out bedtime with 'I need a wee/drink/cuddle[insert numerous reasons here]'. We have put a nightlight in his room but generally find the best option is to give warnings we are about to go 'in one more minute mummy is going downstairs/to do the ironing' etc, & then be consistent if he creates. He may screech in protest but has generally stopped by the time the door is shut & then takes around 5 mins to fall asleep

One other thing OP - does he still nap? Can you post his routine? We find our DS just as difficult to settle (if not moreso) if he's overtired as when he's not tired enough - its a fine balancing act!