bit of a drama at nursery today - should i be concerned??

[awwwwmannnn]

so, my DD turned 3 in November and started pre-school 2 weeks ago. the first 3 days she cried going in but no problems at all after that, as soon as the door is open she got her little bag and is gone without so much as a goodbye

she has been toilet trained for about 7 months and (unbelievably) has had no accidents at all - she has had 2 in nursery but when i spoke to her she said she was scared to ask to go - i explained to her that its ok to go to the toilet in school and has been fine ever since.

anyway today she was asked by the teacher to do a task to which she said no, after they tried to persuade her to do it, she cried and had a complete meltdown for about half-hour. my CM picked her up and rung to tell me about it as i was in work. it broke my heart to think of her crying for that time, its most unlike her, usually 5 minutes and whatever is it is over and done with!! she was so upset she even wet herself

anyway, for a 3 year old her speech is not the best. i had her assessed at 2.5 years old as she was not saying a word, but i have to say in the last 6 months she has come on leaps and bounds, she will also try to repeat words and is happy engaging in conversation with people she knows.

she is quiet shy around people she doesn't know, and one thing that was picked up at her assessment is that she is a "thinker". from looking at her grow and develop, anything she is uncertain of or can't do very well she will refuse to do until she is certain she can do it. i don't push her to do these things, but will on a regular basis encourage her to give it a go. The nursery have said she is quiet, and tbh i haven't got a problem with that, i know that with time and the more she settles the more she will come out of her shell.

i haven't had chance to speak to the school about what happened today, and tbh i don't want to be one of those mums who rings for the least little thing. i won't be able to take her to school or pick her up until Friday, until then it will be CM doing it, and she will speak to the school tomorrow to try to find out what happened. i'm thinking maybe she just didn't understand what she was asked to do and didn't quite know how to say "i don't get it" so just refused.

maybe i'm overreacting and its just one of those things and it won't happen again. i think her understanding is ok, the other day she had an ice-cream and a spoon and when she finished i asked her to put the ice cream in the bin and the spoon in the sink - which she done no problem at all.

sometimes when i am reading her nighttime story i will ask her a question about what i have just read, and she will either just blank me or say no if she doesn't it.

anyway, sorry for the long post/boring essay, i would just like your advice on a)whether i should be concerned and b) what can i do to help her with her understanding if it is in fact an issue??

TIA

What was the thing?

i have no idea Funky - CM didn't get much chance to ask as DD was so upset, she just wanted to get her home and calm her down....and clean her up as she was soaking wet!!

Oh right. I'd call them tomorrow to be honest as until you know, you don't know. She is only 3. Perhaps tell them to back off a little if she doesn't get it second time round.

thanks Funky

Dd1 and ds are similar.

Dd1, even now at age 13yo, will not want to do something new even if it looks like fun if she is not certain she can do it. So she will refuse. What happens if she's allowed to refuse is she never does anything new (and the more often she refuses to do new things the harder it is for her to join in one) and she feels very disappointed in herself.

When dd1 was a preschool refusing to do activities wasn't an option. They would help her by letting her do it with a friend or teacher to start, but just not doing it was nor possible. She learnt new things, and often was very proud of what she'd achieved.
When ds was at preschool they'd been told that they couldn't make any child do an activity. So he refused. Firstly he never did anything other than play with cars at preschool. Secondly this meant when he came to school and he was told to come and do an activity he refused. Then stropped. Then sulked. Then did the activity as badly and quickly as he could. All letting him not do things meant it postponed his sulks for a year, and, I think, it meant they carried on for longer because he had been allowed to refuse before.
Took ds about 6 months to realise he couldn't refuse. Dd1 about 2 weeks.

It does also depend on what it was. If it was eg. washing hands after going to the toilet, then there may be a reason (eg tap squeaks and is afraid of it)-but it's non-negotiable. If it is something like swap her shoes over to the right feet, I'd probably rather they let her decide they were uncomfortable.

Try to give her tools ot express why she doesn't want to do a specific activity, and work with the school to get her interested. You should ask the school what the activity was and see if you can try to help her do it at home, so that it wont be so unfamiliar at school. Some children don't like getting their hands dirty for example, with glue or clay. However, teachers try to engage them as much as possible because it's really beneficial for the child to experience different textures and use their hands/little fingers for different tasks. I always try to engage with the children, say things such as 'it's your turn to do it now, lucky you' or 'you're next, isn't it exciting!' not 'Charlie, sit down and do some finger painting'.

my CM spoke with the teacher today and they are learning about doctors and medicines this week. She was asked to pretend to be a doctor and write a pretend prescription and she just refused to do it!

I understand she has only been there for 2 weeks, for 2.5 hours per day and there is an element of settling in taking place. The teacher is not concerned and said its par for the course. they asked her to do another task today and apparently she refused again!!

I'm taking her and picking her up on Friday so will speak to the teacher then about the way forward. I don' want her to be upset, but she also has to learn that when she is at school she must do as the teacher says.

sometimes at home she will refuse to do things, and once I use a certain tone of voice, or say [x] we are going to do this so I am going to count to 3, by the time I get to 2 she's halfway to doing it!!

I will wait and see what is said on Friday, but of the mind set to tell them to be a little bit firmer and not to let her get away with it - also, they have been doing this a lot longer than me so I'm sure they've seen it all before and know how to deal with it

@blueberry - I was really surprised when I learnt what the task was at home she has a doctor's set and loves nothing more than using it on any poor unsuspecting person to make them better lol all her toys have been in hospital this week and had the magic treatment from her kit...so she's well aware of what is involved and absolutely loves it!! maybe its just the fact that its "performing" in front of a load people/kids she's still getting to know and got a bit nervous about it!