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6 year old feels left out after new baby.

10 replies

cupcake78 · 28/01/2014 18:16

Help help help! I'm at my wits end now. I'm massively sleep deprived, stressed to hell, have PND and just about had enough.

I have a fil with cancer, a mother recently widowed and about to go into hospital for operation, a father due a major life threatening op, were moving house. My 7 month old is allergic to cows milk, on a dairy free diet so I'm making all meals, not sleeping and teething badly. A husband who works 12 hour days. I have started working again. I'm self employed but don't have 5 seconds to do anything!

And now just to too it off my 6 year old is feeling left out. His behaviour is seriously deteriorating. He's brilliant for everyone else but hell at home. I cannot split myself anymore than I am already doing and could seriously runaway and not look back.

How do I do this? How do I give my ds the attention he craves while doing everything else? I get chest pains from stress on a regular basis, I grind my teeth, I haven't had time for a haircut in months and I look shockingly bad.

I am permanently attached to by ds or dd usually both. I am sick of being touched, sat on, pulled. My body aches because it's getting no rest. I don't have time to go to the loo, shower daily or even sleep. Ds is forever there! He has to get dressed in the same room as me, he has to be in the same room all the time! Even the toilet ffs! Dd will not settle with anyone else except dh but he's not here mon-fri.

I don't know where to start but I'm crumbling fast!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
santasballsackisnolonger · 28/01/2014 18:28

how about a set time every day for just you two make sure he knows what time it will be and keep reminding him about special mummy an big brother time even if you can only spare 10 minutes between jobs it might make him feel special?

cupcake78 · 28/01/2014 18:34

I do things with just him but he wants more! I spent 90 mins colouring in with him on Sunday, we watched a film together. I take and collect him from school each day. I sit and eat breakfast and dinner with him. We do homework together. I take him with me to places at the weekend without the baby ie the supermarket (via the cake shopWink). I take him to swimming class, martial arts, I read books with him.

Dd is with us for some of the time but she plays while I spend time with him but still he tells me this isn't enough Hmm

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tattychicken · 28/01/2014 19:13

It sounds to me like you are doing a great job! It just takes time for them to get their heads round sharing you. I would be more concerned about you getting some respite so you don't go under. I totally know that almost claustrophobic feeling of being pulled and touched all the time. You really really need some time just by yourself somehow to recover your strength so you can continue to be the amazing mum that you are.

murphy36 · 28/01/2014 19:28

What's DH doing for the other 12 hours. Kids is 24/7 even if you work, for both of you

Chottie · 28/01/2014 19:32

Could you get DS more involved with the baby? brushing her hair, helping with her bath, can you cuddle them both up and he reads the baby a story?

cupcake78 · 28/01/2014 20:07

Dh is good when he's here. He really is help, if anything I have to stop him getting up in the night because he has a long drive to work and I need him to be safe. At weekends he tries his best. He's an untidy bugger and makes a messy trail everywhere he goes but that's just him.

Ds and dd adore each other. Today he spiked her hair GrinGrinGrin to help me. This is the only hairstyle he knows it would seem. He plays with her really nicely and we do have a laugh together. Their relationship is not a concern at all, they get on great!

This may sound horrible but I don't think I can do anymore. I can't invent time or availability. I do get very shouty with him and this doesn't help at all.

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murphy36 · 28/01/2014 21:49

Taking something for your PND? People I know with it say 'take the drugs'

cupcake78 · 28/01/2014 21:58

Yes I'm taking the meds.

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mellicauli · 28/01/2014 22:21

it sounds like you are doing a great job..you are doing loads for your son and giving him as much attention as you can. If he wants more, can he help you with the baby? My then-6 year old loved playing helpful elf (get the wipes, find a cup, help hang up the washing) when his brothere was a baby. But before you do that, you need to look after yourself.
Call your husband, tell him he's on his own with the kids this weekend. Book yourself into a travelodge (or better if you can afford it) and sleep. Everything will seem better, I promise you.

cupcake78 · 29/01/2014 17:40

I've started pointing out to him all the times we spend together. He seems to be starting to realise he actually gets quite a bit of attention.

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