Please read and help me. Anyone got a "Highly Sensitive" Child ? Or Recognise this? Can you share and help me?

[Flippingell]

Hello

I have name changed for this as feeling quite emotional about this.

My DS2 is 5yrs old and their behaviour worries me. It's also causing issues at school.

He has food intolerances and has reflux.

He is very bright little boy. On a very high reading level for his age. It comes naturally to him. We did not teach him. His comprehension of language is 'wow'. The staff consider him to be a 'high flier'. His siblings are not high fliers at all.

He always has questions. He loves learning.

He is funny, loves playing with friends ( but can be bossy at times if he thinks a particular idea is the best) and interested in his friends lives. Very loving.
A social boy and will make friends at the park/woods instantly.
Hugs us lots and loves cuddles.

He is incredibly stubborn. He rarely concedes.

If he thinks someone is wrong ( or being stupid) he tells them ( this includes school staff).
His temper is so difficult to deal with. If your react then he gets explosive and can go on for hours. We just leave him them then he calms down says sorry and is straight back into happy mode.

He hates certain items of clothing particulary tops. He does what we call the 'itchy' dance. I wash his clothing in a recommend product from the eczema society. This is now creating huge melt downs at school after PE lessons.

Seems to feel things deeply.

And this is what hurts me. I don't understand him. I get his siblings - I see parts of them in me. I want to help him but it's like there's an alien in our home. I think he scares himself at times too.

He is so little and so wise and can sometimes look so lost in this world.

I have looked at autism and aspergers but it doesn't seem to fit with him.
And his nursery discounted that.

I know there is something but I don't know what.

Any of you recognise this?

I recognise these posts as ds1, who I recently posted about on primary education. He's 8 and from being a baby has been incredibly hard work to parent. He has issues with refined sugar and if he has some he can be almost hungover with it and the behaviour that follows.

He still hates hand dryers now and has some sensory issues, most specifically anything on his waist that's not comfortable so any itchy labels or buttons are no good. He also feels things really deeply and has an astonishing memory. He can recall in full detail things that happened years ago and recall an entire film for instance after one viewing. We often wonder if he has a photographic memory.

I've recently spoken to school about seeing an education physc. But they don't see any reason too. However they do agree he can be challenging.

Sears and Sears talk about "fussy babies" or "high needs children" in some of their books. They are focused on babies and toddlers, but perhaps you can identify with some of their descriptions.

manchester have you talked to his teachers as his challenging behaviour presumably may be there if he isn't stimulated or kept interested? I know 2 lovely girls like this who are actually thriving being homeschooled and may think of this for our youngest as even now can't see how he'll thrive unless work is specifically chosen to interest him . He follows much of DD's homework who is 4 years older and plays up /is deliberately irritating to her when we aren't keeping him interested in stuff, it may just be that his social skills are still those of a two year old but I feel worn out by his high needs and they seem to worsen in a setting with his peers as he starts to misbehave almost as if to create something interesting. Aargh.

Hi there my DS is now 22mths and your Ds sounds so much like mine even tho he is much older! although i worked out he was high needs, reflux, colicky early on, its only been recently that i've really looked into sensory processing issues... Your LO sounds a lot like mine, lots of empathy very social, funny, very bright super alert noise sensitive, very headstrong its his way or the highway etc etc... We still have to use distractions at the highchair to get him to eat because he is that headstrong, really different to all the bubs we know the same age.. Never slept in pram or car, always too busy observingEVERYTHING then unable to process it all...

Def check out sensory processing disorder, my DS i would say has mild sensory issues, but enough to keep his sleep disturbed, takes ages to wind down, gets overstimulated easily etc... I,Ve been trying out different calming techniques for him when i think he is having issues (always overtired)... But i suspect your LO could also have a lot more relating to food intolerances as well... Esp when you mentioned the explosive tantrums... Have a look at fedup.com.au website, the parents stories are amazing, it might help you clarify some intolerances...

He may be struggling to cope with everything at school to, after all he is only 5.. I. Think its easy to assume because he is very bright that he is more emotionally advanced than he may be... Kind of like how some tall children have issues because everyone assumes they are older than they are... Anyway all the best :)

I have pancakes, over and over. I'm going into parents evening armed this time. I have a thread in primary education about my ds1 which I won't repeat here, but that has given me some ideas in addressing some of his issues.

Just glanced down thread and it appears SEN/ Aspergers/ASD is the route more likely to go down for DS than DD. Could it be that we are less tolerant of HS boys than girls due to gender expectations?

This is very familiar.

DS1 is 8yo now, but at 5yo he had reflux and had just outgrown egg allergy and milk intolerance. I suspect he had had reflux for a lot longer than this, but it was only at that age that he verbalised it.

He had some sensory things going on - he would only wear certain clothes, insisting that he hated trousers so much he would wear them all year round. And his sleep was a nightmare, although around 5yo he started sleeping all night.

He behaved well at school, but was stubborn and explosive at home.

Up until age 5yo, he seemed to have had one illness after the other. Stomach bugs, ear problems, noise and congestion in his ears with some hearing loss

I read on here about the link with reflux and tongue tie which sent me off on a journey of learning about the far reaching effects of ties. Pretty much all his problems were linked to the tongue tie.

We had it revised and the reflux stopped - immediately - and we noticed a real change in him pretty quickly. He had obviously been feeling shite for months/years and was much happier very quickly. No wonder he had been finding it hard to behave

He also has a high palate which is caused by the incorrect tongue action. This took up the room needed for his eustactian tubes and nasal passages. He is a year into orthodontic treatment to expand his palate and the other problems - mouth breathing and ear trouble - have also disappeared.

He is still a bit stubborn and explosive, but I am currently reading a book called The Explosive Child which makes a lot of sense and is definitely worth a look.

Does any of this sound familiar? Could tongue tie be an issue? DS didn't have any of the problems that people seem to associate with tongue tie - he could stick his tongue out really far and his speech was great. He was very inefficient at breastfeeding, but managed ok in the end, presumably he learned how to compensate. His tongue looked normal to the untrained eye. It took me digging and digging for information to finally figure out what was going on and sort it out.

Sorry, the bit about trousers doesn't make sense!

He hated them so much, he wore shorts all year round, even in the snow!! It was NOT worth the fight!

One of mine was like this, by seven or so he just levelled out. Seams are no longer tragedies, noise doesn't cause eruptions, he no longer sucker punches the nearest person if he gets stuck getting his trousers on. He is now really mature and resilient. Who would have guessed it.

DS1 was a high needs baby, a precocious tantrumming toddler, who had lots of issues with texture (food) fabric/labels, could not handle noise ( birthday parties made him cry, or hide in a corner, until he was 6), bright lights.

Feels everything very deeply, other mums would comment on him being so emotional and taking everything to heart.

I have friends who "recognise" him as a highly sensitive child.

He is 11 now and much more straight forward. He has " grown into" his personality, and no longer finds the workd strange and frightening. He is actually super calm.

It's funny, DH and I feel it took us such a long time to get to know him, we now feel like we wish we had known him younger, iyswim.

Figis, lovely cross post!

:)fiscal yeah high needs Velcro baby too. Mute in public for years too. Funny little fellow, but boy do we appreciate the maturation process. Now his brother started off calm and unfussy but is now famed for his quick temper and sock traumas!

Your son sounds lovely, like he's got it all. Could be David Watts.
We got one boy who's v bright, happy, imaginative lad but he will flip out if you touch certain things of his, or if he feels wronged, or if his brother approaches him when he's busy. In a way that's OTT compared to most.
The younger one (5) will never be a rocket scientist but he's very socially and emotionally aware. He's broken out in tears cos his "wife" at school left him, cried because music is so beautiful, cried because he's going to miss people.
I think everyone is sensitive in their own way and that's no bad thing.
Hopefully we get better at controlling it as we get older.

Your son sounds lovely, like he's got it all. Could be David Watts.
We got one boy who's v bright, happy, imaginative lad but he will flip out if you touch certain things of his, or if he feels wronged, or if his brother approaches him when he's busy. In a way that's OTT compared to most.
The younger one (5) will never be a rocket scientist but he's very socially and emotionally aware. He's broken out in tears cos his "wife" at school left him, cried because music is so beautiful, cried because he's going to miss people.
I think everyone is sensitive in their own way and that's no bad thing.
Hopefully we get better at controlling it as we get older.

My DS2 is sensitive, articulate, bright, extremely creative and imaginative. He is very sensitive to others needs but can be a little shy when he doesn't know people. He can be very level headed when rested but is awful with any disrupted sleep (happens often sadly!) or tiredness from school. I feel that we lose who he is quite regularly at the moment.

It's taken years for me to get him. Very slow process. The main thing is that he feels loved and liked by you. Love him but dislike his behaviour.

My strategies tend to be to give him space/time out when needed, to be consistent with routines and expectations, to reward good behaviour, to bake/create things alone together, to acknowledge how he feels, to get him to ask for things nicely etc. I always try and lead by example behaviour wise.

to be honest, I read your post and thought you could have been describing me as a child. I have not got ASD or any kind of disorder, but I went through intensely volatile years as a child/teen. I was angry, loving, intellectual - all the things you describe. (bossy, telling the teachers off - all sounds familiar!).

I'm 31 now and I can honestly say I'm still a bit of a different species to my peers, but it's not in a bad way. I work in a caring profession where my empathy, intuition, creativity and academic bent etc are v useful. I've got a lid on the temper tantrums (they eased off about age 15). I still love reading (was on the Hobbit when my class were still reading Biff and Chip) but I'm not weird about it.

I had really challenging relationships at times with my parents and siblings growing up because we were so very different, but I love them all deeply and with my mum and dad especially, their acceptance and patience made all the difference. I accidentally came across letters my mum wrote to her aunt after the aunt passed, that described me as a child... she said I was equal parts a gift and a challenge. It sounds like she felt just like you do about your DS.

Please don't try and get a diagnosis for him. He doesn't sound like he needs one at all, and you've already been told he's not ASD. Some kids just feel deeply and express themselves freely. That's ok, it's still normal even if it's not the same as your other kids!

It really bloody helps reading your posts.
SillyM - you sound brilliant, I hope my lovely son grows up

with characteristics like you and uses them to his advantage in his work life.

He's having a good week though going crazy as he needs a tissue in his pocket (got a cold and green shot nose) but he hates the feel of it. So the itchy dance is in full swing in the mornings.

Oops forgot to name change.

HS person here too. I was much the same at that age. Your son sounds lovely, it's just that some things are beyond his tolerances. I know some people have already recommended some good books, but there's also a useful website here.

Itchy clothes could well be something like seams, labels or texture like other people have already said. Do they have to wear polo shirts or something specific for PE? Could you reasonably do a swap for something less irritating for him? Is it possible that it's the way he's dressing himself after PE that is causing something to make him feel 'itchy'?

Some things may always be beyond his ability to tolerate, so maybe talking to him about some coping strategies might help him? Like noticing when his temper is building and then taking a break before it explodes?

You will probably need to work pretty closely with his school, so it might help to talk to them about working out a strategy for helping him manage his behaviour there, like letting teachers know that they might need to explain the reasons for their decisions to him, rather than just telling him, so he can see their logic behind it? (That last one helped me a lot, by the way.)

Also, talk to him about the fact that he will need to learn to compromise, and help him to work out ways he can do what people ask, while not feeling stressed out by not having the control (IYSWIM?).

If neither the school, nor his nursery, nor you, think that he as asd, or autism, he probably doesn't. A lot of people show up on the spectrum without actually having any problems. We just march to the beat of our own drum!

Hello - this all sounds pretty normal for a gifted child. Have a look at this thread all about dabrowski's sensitivities shown by v gifted.

giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101/a/overexcite.htm

As you can probably tell by my username, I consider myself pretty aware of the subject of Klinefelter's Syndrome, mainly because I am diagnosed with it.

In all honesty, the original poster's explanation is the best definition of my own behaviors thats ever entered my mind. So, and I don't know if it's been said yet, but I would suggest you have your child genetically tested for XXY Syndrome, as the behaviors line up perfectly.

There are many publications on the Syndrome, and if needed, you can always ask me for help.

-XXYAware

Oh my God. This is my son. An extremely refluxy baby and toddler with cmp allergy. He also has tounge tie we never reversed it as he was put on neocate due to multiple allergies and he managed with bottle better than bf. He has some pronounciation difficulties which could be due to the tie. A very fussy and needy little boy and his problems have been hightened as he is tall (people expect him to be more mature than he is). I have recently posted a long thread about his issues at nursery.

This thread has been very enlightening.