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Why doesn't he listen?!

6 replies

FiddleDiddleDiddle · 28/01/2014 11:22

My son is 5 and in Reception. I would like to stress that I love him more than the world and think that he's essentially a very good and sweet boy but... he's driving me and his teacher mad!

The problem is basically that he doesn't listen, and often doesn't do as he's told.

We are quite strict with him at home so it's not a case of spoiled brat, but he just. doesn't. listen!

For example, it sounds like a silly thing but when I took him to school this morning I said 'put your book bag in the box' (where they go). The fact he even needs reminding when all the other children come in and just do it automatically is telling, but then I promise I told him five more times, ending up getting quite cross with him. He was stopping to pull things out if his book bag and look at them, playing with a chair, messing around with a friend etc.

Everything I tell him, I feel like I always end up having to get cross with him before he'll actually do it. He's VERY distractible and I do know, for example, that if I ask him to do something I have to ensure the TV is off as he's incapable of ignoring it. Even when you talk to him he's looking off round the room, or you'll be telling him off and he'll suddenly break into talking about something else he's just seen or thought about. It's at a level where I'm even wondering if there is some reason behind his inability to concentrate.

He's not hyperactive, it's more of a dreamy lack of concentration. Anyway, the teacher has mentioned a few times that it's very hard to get him to do any work and this morning she pulled me aside and spoke to me quite seriously about it. It's a very gentle Reception class so we're not talking about hard graft, but he'll literally sit there with a piece of paper and mess around and do nothing while all the other children are drawing the teddy bear or whatever, and (like me) she said she can only get any effort out of him if she gets cross. :( I'm so upset.

So as not to drip feed, he's a bright boy as he can read and write already (was reading pre-school) so it's not like he's finding the work too hard.

There's also a bit of back chat - the teacher said he can give you a hundred different reasons why he thinks he should be rolling around the floor not sitting up nicely at group time, and this is the same as at home, he's got an answer for everything but doesn't just do as he's told.

I know he's very young, but this is an issue both at home and at school - it's distractibility and lack of concentration in the extreme, coupled with a bit of an attitude about it all. :(

OP posts:
willitbe · 28/01/2014 11:41

How about getting him checked for attention deficit disorder (AD(H)D).

He sounds very similar to how my oldest son was at that age, (and my currently undiagnosed 5 year old). My oldest son was diagnosed as ADHD inattentive type at age 9.

FiddleDiddleDiddle · 28/01/2014 12:11

I've asked my husband a couple of times about ADD actually, so it has crossed my mind. My husband is a special needs teacher (emotional and behavioural difficulties) and, although he's very aware of what a pain our little boy is being at times at the moment, he is very clear that he doesn't think he has ADD. But maybe it's harder to see when it's your own?

OP posts:
mandbaby · 28/01/2014 14:41

He sounds a lot like my 4YO son. I also have to get cross with him before he will do anything I ask (getting dressed, putting toys away, stop climbing on the sofa, stop pulling the dogs tail, etc, etc.)

Like your son, in the main, he is a very intelligent, capable and pleasant boy - but he JUST DOESN'T LISTEN!! My mum is adamant that he's a normal boy and just pushing boundaries.

My son hasn't started school yet, and I actually often say to myself that I will pity his teachers because he just doesn't respond to requests to do anything. I try and teach him how to read and add up numbers and he just goes off on a tangent and wont listen to my explanations of how to do things.

The problem is, because I get angry with him over things, he gets angry back and it has become a viscious circle.

Every day I promise myself that this is the day I will not sweat the little things and then maybe he will start responding to the bigger, more important things because he will feel like he's not being nagged at so often. Does this make sense? But every day, I fail miserable and find myself nagging at him.

Basketofchocolate · 28/01/2014 14:52

DS never seems to listen.....cept he does cos he repeats things back at a later date that I've said to him - all the attitude in the world!

I put it down to him thinking he knows best half the time - he doesn't really understand why I'm telling him to do stuff.

Have to run, but two things I was told, which do help, when we remember:

  1. Touch him when talking to him - a way to make sure he knows I am talking to him, not just talking - this also stops me talking to him across the room which he can then choose to believe is clearly not meant for him
  2. If need to confront, stand/sit to the side, instead of in front of

DS thankfully fine at school it seems, least for now, but I'd label him as more 'management material' than ADD Smile He just thinks he knows best, only listens when suits him and would rather I tidy up than him.....sounds like a lot of bosses I've worked for!

willitbe · 28/01/2014 21:06

I have worked with special needs too, and deal

willitbe · 28/01/2014 21:17

Despite this I was in denial for ages about it. Even getting the formal diagnosis confirmed I spent a month trying to explain why it had to be wrong!!! But now retrospectively it is obvious.

Also despite this. I have been in denial about my younger son age 5 too. His teachers over the last few months have been telling me to go and get him assessed. Just because his character is different I have been ignoring the similarities, lack of concentration and distractibility are not expressed in exactly the same way.

It might be difficult to persuade your dh, but definitely go for assessment. it does sound more like ADD than behavioural, but would need proper assessment.

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