advice needed- terrible two's, help me or i'll strangle him (not a threat)

[justamum]

I know its all been said before but I need help with my 21/2 yr old ds, some days he's great, some days he's ok, some days like today he is a complete demon. I have left him watching cbeebies as I cannot physically cope with being in the same room with him. since waking up this morning he has: bitten me (on the breast-copying the baby!), weeed all over the house, deliberately not accidentally, thrown his cereal around, bitten the baby, stood on the baby, thrown all the bathwater out of the bath, thrown all the washing around as i tried to put it away, rubbed cream cheese into the carpet, eaten half a tube of toothpaste, ripped his favourite book and just now has grabbed my necklace and deliberately pulled it so hard it broke. i am at breaking point. have screamed/ done timeout, played with him/ tried emphasising positive behaviour (not easy) after screaming failed i am now trying to remain calm- failing dismally. oh blimey, he is now trying to bf baby godlovehim!! please has anyone got any coping strategies- don't say don't write on internet forums instead of playing with him-i only normally do this at night or when he is napping

come and join us on the supernanny thread, were all going through the same.

sounds like you're havng a really tough time. I've not had to cope with such a little whirlwind. Just wanted to send you a hug. sounds so hard.

OK, my coping strategies

take them out to a park and let him run himself ragged

find a great soft play area where you don't have to watch him every single second and use it

every time bad behaviour do a time out .. don't switch and change reaction

repeat mantra "its just a phase, just a phase"

Try to get in touch with your inner 2 year old .. imagine how much fun doing something like throwing bath water would be if you didn't have the social controls you have now ... it doesn't help change his behaviour but may help with your response to it .. sometimes I just throw my hands in the air and think 'fuck it' and laugh at mine

remember that EVERY mother is going / has gone / will go through similar days .. so if in public and he's kicking off don't be afraid to catch other people's eyes and laugh inwardly at him

get yourself a break .. use friends .. invite friends with kids over and let them all run rampage .. amazing how well behaved your child can seem when faced with other people's monsters

don't be scared of using TV so that YOU can have a time out .. why the hell not? you aren't a martyr to it .. everybody needs it

plan something to do every day .. so you have a time you HAVE to leave the house .. you will find your morning leads up to it and afterwards you're calming down from it

we're all just muddling through here .. nobody has the 'great answer' .. behind most doors are similar scenes .. 'real' friends let you see theirs .. some people feel you should think their lives are perfect .. they AREN'T ..

Remember 2 year olds are great .. wait till he's 5 and can actually argue lucidly with you so you think 'bugger me he's got a point there, now what am I going to do?'

sorry. I rambled

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how reassuring. i am going through the same with ds1 and some days i just want to take a sabbatical! it all gets so boring and i am so sick of hearing my own voice saying 'don't do this, say sorry to your brother, don't hit, bite, kick, say shut up, etc!!'.
the going out thing does work well but some days i just feel so knackered that i can't be bothered to traipse around.
anyway, good to know it is not just happening to us and it is just a phase (i f*cking hope so anyway).

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what a brilliant post Twig. An awful lot of angst can be avoided by changing your expectations - I don't mean you have to lower standards and accept genuinely naughty behaviour but as you say, just laughing and accepting the mad, chaotic toddler behaviour will save your sanity, rather than being po-faced about it all, which will only make you and the child have less fun out of life.

Lighten up, is my mantra, along with itsjustaphase!

In a parallel universe where i have lots of time I have embroidered twiglett's post on to a sampler and framed it.

very true sparkle.
my sis can be a bit controlling about play and i sometimes just want to say 'lighten up - they are just children!' she would be horrified if she saw my garden at the end of the day - every toy is out, chalk all over the patio, mudpies in the sand pit, mud in ds2's mouth, dinner all over the place, ds1 sat in a bucket fully clothed.
i know i am a bit of a dog but sometimes i can feel like every one else manages to keep their houses spotless, kids with no snot, dinner on time, make up perfect. i just cannot be arsed sometimes and then feel like more of a dog.
like you oops my boys are v similar ages and hoping things will get easier. when it all goes well it is lovely but when you have a teething ds2 and a stroppy ds1 it does not make for a happy family.
sorry waffling on now but have been feeling bit down about it lately and nice to chat to others in same boat or gone through it.

it sounds fun at your house, notsoladyjess!!!!

thanks for advice twiglett, i don't usually mind him throwing water around and fully expect small boys to be dirty most of the time. He has been ok today, partly because we've been to the park and partly because I wasn't so busy. A combination of just getting back from hols and domestic slovenliness due to heatwave meant that I had to do some serious housework yesterday before the house disappeared under a mountain of laundry and dust- i am not houseproud but it was getting insanitary. I was also tired because I hadn't slept very well. Today I have taken a more balanced approach and given myself plenty of time to play with him & done household stuff in between, have repeated "its a phase" once or twice, especially when he sat on my head when playfighting on the bed, sitting bull i like the special box idea-may implement that one, just taking it day by day now.