Coping with 2...#2: Older sister refuses loo & has accidents

[Artyparty]

Hi
My dd is 4 weeks old & her older sister- whose 3- has started to have accidents again which I know is not uncommon in these circumstances, The main problem is that she flatly refuspes to go on the loo- just hovers over the potty so half of it goes on the floor. We have no downstairs bathroom so have kept a potty there.
She also takes her pull-up off at night & wets the bed.
Finally, she doesn't wipe properly - I do it at home - but she often comes home from preschool soiled & smelly:(
If I didn't have a newborn I could put all my energy into fixing this, but I'm not able to be consistent at the moment.

DH is always slightly lagging behind on these developmental changes & doesn't see the problem with pottys etc.
Any ideas? I really want to give her the skills & reassure her.

Surely her pre school should be helping her wipe?? I would speak to them about that.

The regression is normal - going through it myself with 2 yr old and baby - but I know how frustrating it can be. I went right back to basics like I did when first training him. And a bribe - choc buttons! Has she got a step so she can get up to the loo easily etc?

It is very hard with toddler + baby, you have my sympathy!

I would consider it totally unacceptable that the preschool are sending her home smelly and dirty. Poor child. I think that is awful. Whatever they may be trying to teach in the way of independence they also need to respond to children as individuals and most children still need help to clean themselves properly at this age. I would be furious about this tbh.

She may be finding her potty too small to be physically comfortable, hence the hovering over it. Maybe a bigger size would help - perhaps one of the more 'big kid' looking ones with a seat etc. Lots of praise, lots of practise/playing with you with her dolls (hard I know when your youngest is so very young), lots of rewards - stickers, choc buttons etc as biscuits suggests. And wet wipes rather than toilet paper for cleaning herself as it is much easier for them to get clean.

We had a spot of regression with DS (3) when DTs arrived as well as lots of other behavioural issues. A reward chart helped get him back on track but we did it for a few things not just being dry (eg being polite, using cutlery, gentle with babies).

Re wiping at nursery - at a certain point at our nursery the workers would only help wipe if the child specifically asked them - might be worth checking that she knows to.

Thanks ladies- now she is at pre-school they expect them to go to the loo on their own highvoltage
Tbh she rarely poos there but when she does she can't reach to wipe & loo paper doesn't do the job as wipes do, as you say adoptamama. I will specifically ask them to help her & she knows to ask for help.
Good idea about the chart; that worked first time around.
I haven't been able to find a 'big' potty. Even the seat ones have a shallow bowl. Do you know of any brands that do then?
Still flatly refusing to get on the loo.

I'd try Amazon

e.g www.amazon.co.uk/Child-Toilet-Training-Removable-RED/dp/B00FF6VP9Y/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1390759169&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=potty+chairs+for+bigger+children

huge url :)

try also the steps up to the toilet - they can have a well founded fear of falling in at this age and never being seen again, so the steps with handles are good. Also get one of those seat thingys that you put under the adult seat to make the hole smaller. my petit DD2 hated the toilet until i got that - she really did find the hole to big and was scared to sit on it.

A potty chair, even if the bowl is not bigger, may be the answer because it will look bigger and feel more substantial when she sits on it. Sit down with her and look at them on amazon together and see if you can't get her excited to buy one and try it out

good luck