Struggling to juggle work with motherhood

[ianleeder]

Since I had kids (age 3, 5) I find it hard to concentrate at work (work 3 days). I've become forgetful, make mistake and can't concentrate. All I have on my mind: 'what's for tea?', 'they are sick so need to arrange gp appointments', 'I'm tired as didn't sleep well..', 'have i paid their childcare and need to do online food shopping. The list goes on. I need to shake this attitude out otherwise I be out of a job soon.. I try not to interfere my family life with work but it's hard not too esp when they are unwell. I recently made a mistake at work and my boss sent me an email in BOLD telling me off and that I can't be bothered to REMEMBER! I find the email offensive and I was angry but I apologised as don't want to upset the boss. I'm starting to feel pissed off at work and really want to leave but it's not an option, financially. Anyone else find it hard juggling work with motherhood?

No not really as childcare comes straight out of bank, my husband does the food shop in car, dh does all gp appointments on his day off as he has the car but they are infrequent its usually things like jabs etc.

God yes, I went back full time after DS1 and it was just too much. I didn't have any time to think, constantly dashing to & from childcare, always sleep deprived etc etc. I found I started to resent work. It has really made me reassess my piroritues.

Currently on mat leave with DS2 and aim to only go back 2 days - hopefully that will be easier

What are your husbands doing? I work full time + and its manageable as my dh does so much.

My husband works full time and he helps out a lot with the kids after work. But I'm more of the organised one I.e getting uniform and meals ready the night before, washing and cleaning etc. I'm more organised at home but at work.. It's a different story. I'm forgetful and I make mistake. I can't be efficient in both work and home... That's what I realised anyway

He cant do very much at all if your having thoughts like you have written in the op. Just tell your dh to sort things and then you wont have to worry about things.

I must admit I find it harder to concentrate these days and really don't feel as on the ball as much as I used to. However, I know I need to work otherwise I'd go mad, rather than really really need to work for the money. I have a dh that does share the load a bit, although most of it is my doing.

I've no advice really, just want to share that others don't think thy can do it all perfectly either.

It sounds like you need some sort of organiser. Do you write lists? Keep a diary?
I don't work, nevertheless, I keep everything written down and it really helps.

Thank you Jaffa.. My point is that my husband does do his share of house work, what I'm trying to say is that I find it really hard to concentrate at work. I'm less efficient now that I have kids.. Nothing to do with housework or kids but I can't put 100% at work and I'm not ambitious at all. I use to be career driven but now my priority has change and I need to work to bring food on the table. Sorry for the mis leading post but I really had enough of work and I just want to let out steam!

Yes I should keep a diary at work really.. I try to cram everything in my head at home, that's probably why I can't concentrate at work

I work ft and have 2dc, a bit of home life seeps into work, but a bit of work seeps into home life too, so it does balance out. DH also ft and we share chores, parenting, etc.

You don't sound like you enjoy your job? I go through phases of boredom with my role and they are hard - finding something new to do/something to challenge me works well to keep me motivated.

Yes thank you..I don't enjoy my job. But it's really hard to look for p/t work that pays the same as my current job. Think I should start looking again and yes a new job will keep me motivated

Sorry I wasn't v clear - I meant change something about your job, not the job entirely. I have been at same place over a decade as handy for school run, flexible, etc... But I sometimes feel bored/trapped and that's when I have to make effort to challenge myself a bit. Otherwise I am just resenting my workplace and it's not the company's fault I work there! They do pay me after all...

Yes thanks.. I'm in the same position as you so thanks for the advice!

I recently got a secondment. Luckily I work in a large enough organisation that thinks like that pop up occasionally. It was a bit mad really, the chance I'd been waiting for for 4 years came up & I had 2 days to get my head in gear, revise the subject matter & pip my close colleagues to the post. It was funny how I raised to the game, given that I generally don't feel very awake & on the ball most of the time.

My point is, I feel better about myself & that I DO know something, I AM good at something as a result. Maybe you just need a new challenge & you could get it where you work now or somewhere new?

I read an article about women athletes in the guardian the other week. They basically said that a year out & the trials of childbirth & motherhood mean that people like Jessica Ennis will actually achieve more when they return to competition. Maybe you're bored, want to think about your kids cos they're more important & interesting!

Annie - my husband works in a job in which he starts at 8am and I literally don't know what time he will be home each day (as it depends on what happens in the day) therefore midweek he can't really be relied on to provide any childcare, drop offs, pick ups, making tea etc. if he can he will help out but I prefer to plan that I will do it all and then it is a pleasant surprise if he can make tea, or pick DS from childcare.

Therefore its not so simple to just expect DH to do more. Not everyone's life is like yours

I can understand how you are feeling - I'm going back to work in a month and I know it's going to be a struggle. I'm naturally a very disorganised person so it takes tons of effort to actually remember everything so I do wonder how I'm going to manage when I'm working as well. Without a list I am useless.

Incidentally, your boss is pretty stupid for putting something like that in writing. If they aren't happy with something you've done they should be speaking to you in person, and NOT be sending you something by email that is actually quite offensive and unprofessionally written that can be presented back to them if you ever feel you have cause to complain about their treatment of you. A manager is only as good as their staff so if they aren't happy with your performance they need to be offering you extra training/assistance to get you up to speed.