Did you mean to be so rude?! Nearly 3 year old getting rude/bossy

[HandMini]

Seemingly out of nowhere, my nearly three year old has become really rude in the last week!

Very bossy ("Mummy, make my egg NOW"), forgetting her pleases and thank yous and today called me a "stupid idiot" when I said I didn't know where a toy was. I was pretty speechless at the stupid idiot comment so just removed the toy in question as punishment.

So, how do I go about squashing this rudeness? A gentle approach of reminding her how we ask for things or a more full-on "you are being rude" approach? I've felt a bit of a broken record this week saying "how do you ask properly" and "please say thank you".

Maybe it's natural for children to "break out" at this age, but I cannot stand hearing her toddlers demanding stuff and bossing their parents about and am definitely not a parent who sees that sort of behaviour as cute.

Any books I could read?

I feel as though this is my first real test as a toddler parent.

She goes to nursery 2 days a week and has a nanny three days a week if that's relevant. I'm not blaming either of these childcare options for her rudeness in any case.

I ignored my son through out that stage. He didn't get a reaction when he spoke like that. He tries it now and gain but now is very polite

Thanks MrLoverMan - that is one technique I haven't tried. I'll admit I'm quite an impatient person so not great at just stepping back from the situation, but perhaps I should try it.

It took me a while to work out that ignoring was the only way. I spent ages telling him to not be rude, to ask nicely etc and it wasn't getting me anywhere so I just ignored him and he realised he wasn't getting a reaction or what he wanted.

I mumbled under my breath a few times as it was hard at first not to say something

Right, ignoring is the new black. I too shall be mumbling some curses under my breath.

She's literally just bellowed upstairs through the banisters "Mummy put your tea down and come and get my Sylvanians out of the bath NOOOOW".

Just ignore! I'd be tempted to shout something back though at that

Ds is also 3 and lapses into this once in a while. My usual response is "you won't be getting anything if you talk to me like that," utterly calmly. That's usually enough to remind him of his manners. He's bossy which actually makes me smile, though I don't indulge him by doing everything he tells me to do, unless he's playing a game. Tbh he doesn't tend to be rude, but I'd probably calmly ask him not to talk to me like that again because it's not nice and makes me sad. If he continued to do it I'd remove a favourite teddy.

Should have said that ignoring ds just does not work. He's one of the most persistent, tenacious little monkeys I've come across. Refusing to do something for him until he remembers his manners and explaining why is what works best with him.

Matana - I agree with something like removing a favourite teddy.

Her passion at the moment is sticker books, so to take her sticker book away for a day would be a real blow

The problem is I've always done instant punishment/reward so far, as felt she was too young to deal with any time delay, but I now even if she's been good and polite for an hour, do I still withhold the sticker book and say "you were rude earlier" and this is why you can't have it?

Hand- watching with interest as my dd 3.3yo has been doing the same

I am bloody as well littleray, didn't expect this to come so soon.

More experienced parents, please add to the wisdom above.

My nearly 3 yo is doing this too and I can't stand it either. I'm feeling like a broken record - 'how do you ask nicely for that?''use your friendly voice please'... I've started being careful about the way I speak to her too, as I've recognised echoes of myself in her bossiness ('just put your shoes on NOW and stop faffing about! for example...). She doesn't understand why I can order her about when we're running late, but she can't order me about when she urgently needs something. Trying to see it that way is helping me be patient. Sometimes.

Easier for me as I have three, so I can make a fuss of one of the others, praise them for their lovely manners whilst ignoring the cheeky one! Could you try with a favourite teddy, sylvanian etc... Might feel a bit daft there though, would you like another biscuit mrs bear, as you're sitting so
Nicely.

DIY I have noticed the same. Then I end up blaming myself

DIY, my 3 yo copies what I say and says it back to me - even regularly tries to send me to time out! I try and make sure I say please even when I am ordering him to do something. It's a real issue with him thinking he has equal control over situations as an adult.

My DD aged 3.5 is completely bossy at the moment. She called her dad a 'you silly old man' this morning!!! Not cute, but we went to the other room and (silently) cracked up laughing any way.

We just do the broken record, how can you ask nicely, ask me again in a nice voice, etc etc.

And we also praise her sister like crazy when she's polite.

Thank goodness it is not just my child.

My four year old is getting worse! She will say things like.. "Mummy just get me it right now" it's strange because her manners were impeccable before this phase.

I just ignore it, if she doesn't ask nicely she doesn't get. She doesn't give in easy though.