Epic tantrums

[Epictantrum]

2 year old DD is going through a hideous phase of tantrums. I have just had a truly awful trip home from town. She refuses to go in her buggy (when she does, she wriggles out of her straps every 10 seconds so it takes hours to get anywhere stopping and starting, with her screaming all the way). So we went out without it, should only be 20 min walk which she can easily manage. But on the way home she just refused to walk, refused to be carried, pulled off her shoes, screaming the whole time. She sat on the ground and screamed and I ignored her, but after 15 mins I couldn't take it anymore so I scooped her up and carried her, kicking and screaming all the way. It took an hour to get home. I am so dejected and embarrassed, I don't think I can take her out again. Just needed to rant.

This sounds like my daughter. Every time we leave the swings she tantrums. It's so embarrassing to have the only child who won't leave without a battle. We have big tantrums over getting in the car, getting in her buggy, getting in a trolley at the supermarket. I try all the tricks of letting her know in advance what's going to be happening but she still ends up screaming and thrashing. I've cried in two separate carparks and a supermarket this week and I feel pathetic!

I haven't got any advice I'm afraid but I do have a bucket load of sympathy for you

My daughter is 2 as well. I forgot we also had a massive scene this week because she didn't want to take her wellies off. This was in front of my friend with the perfectly behavef 2 year old. It was all a bit excruciating.

Thanks foxsticks it is truly a horrible phase isn't it? I managed to hold it together today until we got through the door and then just sobbed; yesterday in the school run I had a small cry when we were in a quiet lane. I have become quite skilled at not meeting people's gaze.
Sympathy back to you; let's hope it is a short phase for both our DDs.

I have a 2.10 DD who can be a bit feral. My only tip is always to have a buggy with you. It's much easier to deal with an epic tantrum by strapping them in to a buggy than by having to haul them along / pick them up. That makes you lose your cool even more. So to the extent you can, take the buggy even when you're planning to walk somewhere.

Oh, and everyone's toddler has their moments. It's not your fault.

I am so dejected and embarrassed

Don't be embarrassed. It isn't a reflection on you or even on her.

She's a feisty child who is learning when it is and isn't appropriate to fight or what she wants.

You gave her some information today about what she can get away with and what happens when she pushes you hard enough that you run out of patience. It's part of a learning process.

You didn't hit her or scream at her. You remained in control of the overall situation and put an end to it.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

It is frustrating and exhausting but she will learn if you are consistent so she can work out easily where she stands.

Thank you both, good advice handmini , I think I was so looking forward to ditching the pushchair I did probably jump the gun in not taking it with us (that and the fact it is hard to even keep her in there safely when she is really kicking off).
thanks goldmandra, I think my parenting confidence is taking a real hit at the moment with various things. I didn't feel very in control, far from it!
Everyone always recommends ignoring an established tantrum, but I don't think this has worked for either of mine, in that they seem to have extraordinary stamina!

I hear you in wanting to ditch the pushchair. I have a one year old (usually in the push chair) and I keep a sling on the back if the push chair, then when 3 yr old kicks off, I put baby in sling and 3 yr old in pushchair. Kills my back, but worth it to have her restrained.

I never never judge parents whose children kick off in public. I've been there and I also know that the best parent in the world can have a toddler go nuts on them.

I wouldn't waste time being embarrassed tbh. She tantrummed- as many 2yos do. You dealt with it- far better than many parents do.

You will probably have to spend the next few months/years dealing with. Then she will grow out of it and you will look back wondering what all the fuss was about. And you will feel convinced that she grew out of it because of your expert handling.

I have teenagers now. And feel firmly convinced that the only reason they no longer lie on the ground screaming for the buggy is because of my expert parenting. My mother is in her eighties. And feels firmly convinced that the only reason her children (now all around 50) no longer lie on the ground screaming for the buggy is because of her expert parenting. It may just possibly be illusion. But it's a good feeling. And it won't be that long before it's yours.

I second the advice of strapping your DC and moving on. I find mine calms down very quickly once he is in his pushchair and something else takes his attention away. Do bring some food he loves. Mine loves raisins and forgets about the whole palaver very quickly. Remember to breathe and congratulate yourself for not having a tantrum as well! The latter gives me tons of satisfaction! In the long run, I found the Happiest Toddler on the Block book gave me a lot of tips which work in avoiding the tantrum in the first place. Do check I out. You are doing great.

My DD used to do that too. I look back now (she is 4),and wish I had used more coping strategies rather than trying to solve the problem.

What I mean is, like Cory said, they will grow out of it whatever you do with them.

So, find a way to make it easier on yourself now: strap her in the buggy and bribe with something appealing. If raisins work, that's great. If not, go for chocolate. It may feel like you are rewarding the tantrum, but if you move quickly when you feel it coming on, you are in fact avoiding the tantrum! You can always have a chat about it later when she has calmed down, so that she knows you don't like it when she gets so cross. Good luck!

I also should have mentioned that with some children (in my experience girls are the worst), nothing will calm them. In which case you just have to live with it, and know that it won't last forever. My DD was an epic tantrummer, and is now (mostly) really quite good (sometimes)!

My 2 yr old dd is the same and now I have a baby too it is often not possible to just ignore the tantrum or wait it out so I have resorted to biscuits/cartoons or promises of something she likes when we get home etc. It's the only way I can cope and if she does it over something at home she goes in the cot with the door shut until she calms down. It's not ideal but you have to keep yourself sane.