Leaving places - with a 20mo having a screaming tantrum...

[HKat]

I have recently gone part time and so spend two full days a week with my 20mo DD. The other three days, she's with child minders.

On the two days with me, I try to take her out to places, such as soft play and the like. She absolutely loves it - so much though, that when it's time to leave she throws a screaming tantrum. Throws herself on the floor, crying, wailing kicking, thrashing etc. Obviously this makes it really hard to get her coat and shoes on, and get her back in her buggy.

She has her moments at other times but it's leaving places like this that seems to bring out the worst - clearly she just doesn't want to stop having fun!

The problem is though, how on earth do you deal with that? It's making me hesitant about taking her in the first place as it's just so so difficult when we have to leave. But I'd rather not do that, of course.

Does anyone else have any other coping strategies other than just pinning her down and risking life and limb?I got a fair few whacks in the process today as she thrashed about - and I'm worried she'll hurt herself too .She's just too young to understand warnings about leaving etc.

Thanks

Watching with interest as DD, coming up to 15 months, can also have a massive strop when I go to put her in the pram at the end of a playgroup. I'm not sure if it's about leaving or about going in the pram but either way it's embarrassing.

So far my tactic is to carry her (while pushing pram) out of the playgroup, then strap her in once we've got around the corner, and give her a snack while I strap her in. The food bribery seems to stave off most yells and if she does yell at least we are around the corner. Not sure if that would work for you though as your DD is older and perhaps less easily distracted by a mere rice cake...

Have you asked the childminder what they do about it?

Thanks for the reply, glad to know I'm not alone! That's a good idea about asking child minder - though she's only been with them since start of the year. Before that she was in full time nursery so they did everything on site, target than visits to soft play etc. Thats also a good idea to try distracting with food - though once she's in the tantrum zone, she's in the zone! Failing all that I think I'll join you in sticking her under my arm and marching her sone place a bit quieter :)

Do you give her warning before you go? Distraction?

Something that works well is giving dd a snack while sticking her in the buggy. Or leaving sooner as she might be hungry/tired hence the meltdown.

Another option is be very excited and say "come on dd, have a look at x" then point to something just in sight. Give her an option eg dd do you want to put your shoes on mummy.

But do understand that under 2 tantrums are more likely to be tiredness/hungry not an attempt to get their way.

In the morning before you go say "we are going to playgroup today then we are coming home to have a boiled egg/play with the play doh/see grandma" so she can picture the timetable a bit more on her head.

Give her a warning of playgroup coming to an end. Or it being time to go if it's soft play.

When you go tell her it's time to go home and then in the same sentence tell her you will come again another day. Or if you are doing something nice sooner tell her about that.

I am another distract them with a snack fan seems to work with my 23 mo! We also play lets see if we can see any dogs/buses/birds when we go outside

Start giving a warning, they may not entirely understand but it wont take long before they sort of get an idea. Make it something positive, DD in a few minutes we're going to put shoes on and go in the car/visit someone/have lunch. And distract with food, i've personally found a few chocolate buttons with me praising him sayin well done for sitting still while i put your shoes on really good.

Ignore the crying/fuss when putting in buggy. I've had to carry DS out of places under one arm like a giant rugby ball at times.

I found between about 20 months & 24 months a very frustrating time as my DS could understand a bit but couldnt communicate with me very well. Within a week or 2 of his 2nd birthday his words have come on & he understands a lot more so dont worry, this phase wont last forever

Thank you all so very much! I'm going to start with the warnings now so even if she doesn't understand, setting the ground rules so to speak for when she might start to cotton on. I guess it's worrying me more because we're ttc #2 and the thought of doing it with both...but I guess she'll be much older by that point (although not too much older I hope!). Thanks again All

I think sometimes it can help if you imagine yourself in their position.

So think about what it would be like if you were out with your friends at Alton Towers and you didn't know if you were going to be there for half an hour or five hours.

Then your mother rolls up and tells you to get in the car. You were just about to go on the slide but she doesn't want to hear it.

I would rather my mam asked me if there was anything else I wanted to do first as we were going in 10 minutes. Also I would like to know if I was ever going to go back so I could feel better about not having a turn in the ball pool.