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Eating/Feeding Nightmare - 19 month old

6 replies

btbven · 21/01/2014 18:36

Hi All

My daughter is 19 months old and an absolute pain when it comes to eating/feeding. She's not mastered the art of eating with a spoon and spends most of her time playing with food (mixing up the food in the bowl constantly, or moving food from one bowl to another, dropping on the floor etc.), very little food actually goes into her mouth and then to her tummy. She also seems to have a very small appetite and consequently says no to food during meal times very very regularly. There's also the habit of holding food in her mouth and refusing to chew/swallow. I absolutely detest meal times with her as it's a constant battle...and it drives me absolutely bonkers.

We are of Indian-origin, so a lot of the meals are based on Indian-food such as lentils, grains, veg and includes spices (not excessively). I am vegetarian and whilst my husband eats meat, we rarely cook meat at home. I incorporate meat into her diet specially (as I wasn't keen on her being vegetarian) but this meat is typically on weekends when I can cook something for her - mainly chicken or fish. She loves smoked salmon, so during the week - she has that as a part of lunch or dinner (once a week). During the week, as we are both working, there is no opportunity to sit down and eat together, so this is usually only on weekends.

Mealtimes are restricted to a maximum of 30 minutes.

Breakfast at 8:30am
She has chia seeds soaked in milk (2 teaspoons of chia seeds - soaked in about 20 mls of milk) along with 1 teaspoon of flax seed and 1 teaspoon of hemp seed. Plus a teaspoon of blitzed dates & goji berries (daily). The main breakfast can be cereals, readybrek, savoury pancakes, savoury vegetable semolina etc. She rarely eats the full portion of breakfast - takes a lot of coaxing and maybe she'll finish about half the portion.

Mid-morning snack around 10:30am
Usually thats either biscuit or crackers + a fruit (usually a clementine)

Lunch at 12:30pm or 1pm (depending on activities on the day)
Usually comprises of lentil soup (lentils vary daily), veges (vary daily) along with grains such as rice/millet/buckwheat/pearl barley/couscous/quinoa. Twice a week, we include a portion of fish usually salmon or chicken. We add a teaspoon of flax/hemp seeds to either the lentil soup or grains. Same as breakfast...she tends to eat about half of the full-meal.

Mid-afternoon snack around 3:30pm
Either a yoghurt pot or a smoothie.

Dinner at 6pm
Can be anything - noodles/pasta/flatbread/cooked grains etc. along with veges and a soup. We add a teaspoon of flax/hemp seeds to either the soup or grains. Same as breakfast & lunch...she tends to eat about half of the full-meal.

At 7pm she has about 150mls of milk by bottle. She also has a teaspoon of gelatin & turmeric mixed together with about 10mls milk.

Bath starts at 7:30pm and she's in bed at 8pm. She wakes up at 6:30 - 6:45am and has 1 nap daily of about 1.5 hours.

She hasn't mastered the art of drinking from an open cup..so still drinking water from a closed cup. With meals, she eats all the dry stuff like veges, cooked pieces of fish or chicken or smoked salmon by hands. But eating with a spoon for the meals - i.e. the lentil soup, grains - it all lands up on the floor unless we feed her (and she is reciprocative). How do I get her to eat her meal with a spoon without just playing with it? Between meals, we only offer her water or occasionally water with a few drops of orange juice/cranberry juice.

She's otherwise a happy, active child, she has activities to go to every day including toddlersense, tumbletots, ballet, messy play, local church playgroup etc. At present she weighs 12 kgs (26 lbs).

Please can I get some advice on how to get her to eat better, I really need something as this whole eating drama is making me soooo frustrated and upset. I also don't want that frustration to make my daughter feel like she has a bad relationship with food. I want her to enjoy food and eat happily.

Thank-you
BT

OP posts:
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LaundryLegoLunch · 21/01/2014 18:59

Really, stop stressing. Drinking from an open cup would be very unusual at her age. And making mess/playing with food is part of discovering food. So long as she's not losing weight and has lots of energy she's clearly eating enough.

She will pick up on your stress around food. Tell yourself that you give her food, she takes what she needs and loves touching and discovering food. She will eventually manage spoon control but she is still very small.

LaundryLegoLunch · 21/01/2014 19:02

And tbh what you've said she eats is more than my 2.2 dc3 eats. Mine refuses all fruit, most vegetables and a zillion other things. But I put the food down, she chooses what she wants and I take the plate away. She's growing and energetic so that shows me she's fine.

roweeena · 21/01/2014 19:26

Stop making this into a stressful situation and a battle, it sounds like she has a wonderful diet. As she gets older (if she realises that food winds you up so much) she will use it & food is one battle toddlers will win! She is likely to get much pickier as she goes through the terrible twos!

Best to just keep on offering amazing balanced diet (puts me to shame) and take away the plate when she's finished, no cajoling, no stressing, etc etc.

Open cup is not expected at this age & spoons she will get there eventually, if she wants to eat the lentils help her with the spoon

Chill, relax - don't let this become a battle

mummyxtwo · 22/01/2014 10:21

Tbh she sounds like she is doing really well with eating. I appreciate it doesn't feel like that at the time if she isn't actively shovelling food into her mouth, but although there are some babies that are little hoovers when it comes to food, most don't eat as readily as that. Between 1 and 2yo is a typically fussy age with food, and many toddlers completely go off many foods and pick at everything. Just keep offering the amazing diet that you're giving her, let her pick and try things without pressure, and I'm sure in time her appetite will increase and she will start to eat more. The key at this age is willingness to try things, not how much she will eat - if she is willing to sample lots of different foods, that bodes excellently for her future eating. Don't worry if she doesn't eat much now. My ds1 had feeding difficulties and largely lived off yoghurt and chicken nuggets at that age. I worried enormously about it and it was a constant source of stress, but he is 5yo now and has developed fine despite his poor eating and diet. One tip - never compare your lo to the child that you see in a restaurant shovelling down everything, and using a spoon! There are always exceptions. That child might be in nappies until the age of 5yo, you never know. It was years before ds1 managed to use a spoon by himself or use a bottle that wasn't a baby bottle. Admittedly he had a background of feeding problems but even so, who cares about a bottle or spoon? They won't be still unable to master cutlery as a teenager! They all get it at some point, it doesn't matter if that is at 19mo or 4 years. Hope all the comments above reassure you a little.

btbven · 27/01/2014 12:39

Hi All, Thank-you very much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I guess I need to stop stressing about her intake...and that is such a battle!!

OP posts:
Middlesexmummy · 27/01/2014 13:09

Hi there
I am too of Indian origin and often cook indian food however my daughter has been a fussy eater on and off . Yours sounds like she is doing fine so please do stop stressing as she can prob pick up on it . My daughter went through a phase where she would hardly eat anything but yoghurt . Today was a victory as she actually ate a whole jacket potato ! Small victory but for me it s great ! I hope things getter better for u but honestly it sounds like your lo is eating well

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