Worried - 3 year old tantrums and pre school

[Natalie82B]

My dd has just turned 3 and started pre school yesterday. She has aways been 'strong willed' and will throw a tantrum when she doesn't get her own way. I have been using the 123 method and a naughty corner and although the tantrums still occur they are becoming shorter and less frequent.

The problem is she started pre school yesterday and when I picked her up after her first session they said she had tantrums a few times throughout the 3 hour session particularly at structured times like not wanting to sit for registration, not waiting for all the children to sit down at snack time and not waiting her turn on the climbing toys.

They said she just needs to get used to the routine but I know her and know she will take a while to do this. When I arrived to collect her I knew straight away she had been naughty by the looks I was getting from staff, there was another mum collecting a new starter and they were all smiles with her saying that he had a star for good behaviour etc and then when it came to me they gave me a sort of fake smile. I know it sounds silly but it just made me feel awful. I could tell dd had been crying too which didn't help.

Im dreading taking her to her next session tomorrow, I'm worried that she is disrupting the the children and that the staff think she is a nightmare and that she is going to spend the whole time being told off and not enjoying it.

TBH I was unsure whether to start her this term anyway as I was worried about the tantrums and also her speech is still not great. I wasn't sure that she was ready but the pre school reassured me that she would be fine. Now I wish I had waited.

Sorry for the long post I just needed to get it out as I have been worrying all night.

Could've written this OP. My dd1 (3.3m) started two weeks ago. And the last three days she was doing exactly the same.

The things I've noticed is she hasn't been sleeping as well at night, waking ridiculously early, and not having a nap which effects her behaviour. I also asked why she hasn't seemed to be doing any messy play as she's never dirty? Or bringing art home? So I'm going to monitor it. I have been taking her to playgroups since 4 week old so I know that she's into that stuff.

Does your dd nap? Any changes in her life? I'm also due with dc3 tomorrow so I think she senses that. But I was shocked when they told me that as she usually loves stuff like that, snack etc. Will see how next week goes!

Good luck too.

I know exactly how u feel. My boy started 3 wks ago and is struggling with sitting and focusing at circle time, and some days a bit boistrous in freeplay time. I think he basically ignors the staff and does as he pleases! V frustrating as hes not that bad at home but is a nutter around other kids . U do feel like u have the 'naughty child' but suppose other kids have other issues that u woudnt know about. Just keep hoping hes going to suddenly improve! Got to meet with teacher to discuss strategies. Wish i could just enjoy the nursery routine but at the moment its a bit stressful!

I know I dread taking her, she only goes three times a week and had to have a day off last week because she was ill. She had one good day before that and got a sticker for sitting in group well but today was a disaster. She came out of nursery crying and one of the staff said age had been hitting out at her every time she didn't want to something. She hardly ever hits at home so I was shocked. I asked to speak to the manger and she said that she's getting better with a lot of things and just give her time.

I was so embarrassed because the teacher that dd hit came and told me about it in front of all the mums in playground. It was awful.

I was so embarrassed because the teacher that dd hit came and told me about it in front of all the mums in playground. It was awful.

You need to tell the manager this. It is really not acceptable.

I would ask to come in for a proper meeting so you can find out exactly what they are doing to help make it easier for her. Have you discussed doing shorter sessions for a while?

Hi, I'm glad you said this because tbh I wasn't sure if that is just what they do at nursery. This is my first experience of a childcare setting and dealing with teachers and not really sure when I'm being over sensitive.

I have tried discussing with them what they think we should do to help her but they just brush me off and say she will get used to it, give her time. I'm going to see how the rest of the week pans out and if no better I'm definitely going to ask for a proper meeting.

Another thing I was bit annoyed about today was that dd is getting over a cold and where she had obviously been crying in class earlier when she came out her whole face was covered in dried snot (sorry tmi) I just felt that they should have helped her to wipe her nose/ face or again am I being too sensitive??

I just felt that they should have helped her to wipe her nose/ face or again am I being too sensitive??

No. You are not being over sensitive. They should have helped her to wipe her nose, although at this age it would be more guidance than doing it for her and they could easily have helped her or guided her to wash her face too. Could it be that they tried and she refused?

It is important to maintain children's dignity and having your face covered in snot is not dignified.

Could you send her with a few tissues in her pocket today and ask them to help her remember to use them?

Yes good idea, I will. Thank you.