Child Lying

[starlight1234]

My DS (6) seems to be going through a lying phase....It is not the first time...I am so mad with him right now...He woke me up at 5 am pretending he had a bad dream at 5am...He had a bad dream earlier in the week and got lots of comfort as was obviously upset.

He lies about such obvious things like his toothpaste and brush were stuck in the pot , I got them out then asked him why he hadn't put toothpaste on he said he had. He told me he got kept in at school but lied about why...I have told him if he gets in trouble at school that is his punishment so he had no reason to lie other than make himself look better.

I have confiscated his tablet and DS and he is banned from the goodie tin... I have told him the worst punishment is mummy now can't trust him.

It does worry me though...His Dad was a compulsive liar it is not a trait I want to see in my own son...Has anybody been through this got any positive advise...

He is not generally a badly behaved kid but it is a quality I hate

I think it's a stage all children go through and certainly not an indication he's picked up on his dad's behaviour. I think it's valuable to talk to him about consequences of lying, ie lack of trust, which you've already been doing...

This might be of interest. Good luck.

www.themotherco.com/2012/06/our-little-liars/

Oh my dc are similar.

My ds last year made up a story and told his teacher, I got pulled in as it was a CP issue if what he said was true.

My ds has been lying about a tummy ache atm, so I took him to the drs which he got prescribed babies gaviscon. He hates the taste and now magically his tummy ache is no more...

So my advice is to "believe" their lie and follow it through if you can.

Lying is a normal stage of development. You really shouldn't project your feelings about his dad onto him and label him at such a young age.

Don't give the lies the big negative attention. If you know he's lied then breezily say "oh but I saw x/y/z". so keep it to a minimum and say that he should tell mummy the truth. Talking about not trusting etc is quite a thing to say to a 6 year old.

Thank you for the advise...I found the article very interesting...

I am not labelling him a compulsive liar , I have said I know it is a phase but one we have visited before...

I liked the Idea in the article of explaining that trust is lots of strings...

I think at 6 he is quite old enough to understand trust...I explained when he was bullied I believed him straight away and it was sorted out but if he said that at the minute people would wonder if it is true.....He certainly understands lies right and wrong and they have talked about white lies at school a while ago so he does know he is doing wrong already..

You said mummy now cannt trust him. That's quite a thing to say!

"It does worry me though...His Dad was a compulsive liar it is not a trait I want to see in my own son...Has anybody been through this got any positive advise..."

I assume Dad not around... perhaps attention seeking?

and right now I can't...I have done a lot of reading on the subject today and just about everything says you need them to understand it is about trust and they shouldn't tell lies because it destroys trust...

I have looked at some of the ways I have dealt with them and don't think they were the best ways but we do teach them and do need to teach them from a very early age lies are wrong...That is why the boy who cried wolf is a story young children are often taught.

We have had a chat tonight...I asked him why he was lying...He said as he wanted to get everything he wanted. I pointed out it hadn't worked..then we talked about a version of this :

Finally, explain to your child that lying breaks trust: “You and I are connected by thousands of little invisible strings of love… When we do something loving, it creates another string… But when we lie to each other, it cuts a string… That is why I never lie to you, I always keep my promises to you… And why it makes me so happy that you tell me the truth no matter what… I promise I will not yell or punish, no matter what the truth is.” -

He seemed to like it and understand he can repair the broken strings...It was something tangable he could understand....We have had a good evening fingers crossed on an improvement...

Thank you for the advise and opinions even if I don't agree.