2.5 yr old talking about sex ed info!

[ThreeBecameFour]

Not sure if this is the right place to post.

2.5yr old dd came home from nursery talking about 'girls have willy's inside' and other such comments. In no uncertain terms I have spoken to nursery asking has been talked about. She has a new brother so is aware of the difference between girls and boys. Turns out the toddlers who are potty training are taking an interest in their own and others' bodies. Which is only natural. But dd told me one particular member of staff told her the above. Her key worker or in fact none of the staff raised the fact that questions are being asked by her with me! I have had lots of little chats with her about no-one should touch you in that area unless it is a nappy change etc. I don't think anything untoward has happened, but she has been exposed to information that I wouldn't dream of a toddler knowing at this age, so she is thoroughly confused. I think much of this misinformation has come from carers so I have said I am totally unhappy with anything like this being discussed outside of our home. I also suggested they may want a policy so there are guidelines for staff and parents. The nursery seem deputy manager didn't seem to think it was much for concern whereas the owners are taking it seriously.

Am I totally overreacting? I know she'll pick things up from kids as she gets older but2.5! Advice please.

I can see why this might be a worry but I don't think (as yet) you should be overly concerned.

Clearly, anything but the most basic sex-information is unsuitable for 2.5yr-old minds as not only will they fail to understand it but it might lead to all manner of wild and unpleasant imaginings.

The best thing for a nursery to tell their charges about sex is 'nothing'.

Hopefully, the owners will take a similar view.

So let me get this straight. Your dd and other toddlers are interested in penises and vulvas due to potty training. Am I right?

Your dd/other toddlers asked a couple of questions/pointed at someone's penis along the lines of "Why does he have a willy?" or "why don't I have a willy?" and one of the staff members said "girls have them on the inside".

And you are concerned? What should the staff member do? Ignore the question?

While not particularly well put by the staff member, girls do indeed have their sexual organs on the inside. Saying that girls have their bits on the inside or that boys have a penis/willy and girls have a vulva and vagina is really a non issue. Nursery staff can't completely ignore questions when asked, it doesn't sound as though they are leading a full blown sex ed class.

It's quite likely that the girl was told (in one way or another) that she has various genito-urinary parts on the inside but interpreted the message to mean she has a penis on the inside.

Not a big deal in itself perhaps, but the fact remains she came away with misinformation.

And that is something that needs addressing.

2.5 year olds ask all sorts of questions about all sorts of things and adults answer them to the best of their ability. No matter how accurate the information given children get loads of entirely wrong ideas into their heads about anything and everything about the world they are so new to and only understand a small amount of. As they get older they develop more accurate knowledge.

Indith - I think what has happened is one of the carers has imparted more info than I would have liked and it has got mixed up in dd's toddler mind. I am annoyed that they would give so much info at a young age. It is not just about naming parts of the body, but going into so much detail. She also said willy's grow and will a willy grow out of my bottom! I do think nursery staff should indeed answer q's, I just feel they need to be consistent and inform parents that these q's are being asked before dd comes home talking about x said y. From what I understand, q's have been asked way before this by the whole peer group - nothing has been mentioned until now.Toddlers do ask questions but I'd rather my 2 year old isn't given too much info and they can maintain their innocence for as long as possible.

What information would you be happy for them to give then? Because it all sounds really basic stuff to me, I don't think I understand your frustration at all. What stuff should children only be told at home?

What do you think they told your Dd?

It sounds like she has seen the boys potty training and that they urinate from their penis.Then she has asked where she urinates from and they've said 'inside'

I seriously doubt that someone has said when asked why do boys have a penis and I don't that its for sex ... and given a explanation of how! !!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make sure there is a policy and that all nursery staff are on the same page with regards to what information to give and what answers to use. I do think though that before you get too annoyed you need to establish exactly what was said. Small children do elaborate and leap to funny conclusions. my dd was convinced for a couple of years that when the sun shined brightly her hair would go curly and she would grow a willy and turn into a boy. Then she would be able to go to school. That is the sort of idea only a toddler can develop from basic facts. Jet brothers hair goes lighter and more blond in the sun, his hair is curly. Her hair also goes lighter in the sun. Her brother has a willy and he started school at the end of the summer. She put 2 and 2 together and got 5. It is very likely that your dd had also been developing ideas in her head, she is just trying to work out how the world works. Girls talking about growing a willy and boys talking about losing theirs are normal, completely normal stages that nearly every toddler I know has gone through. o really don't think nursery can be held accountable for it.

jet = her

threebecamefour

"they can maintain their innocence for as long as possible."

You should really lose that attitude that by knowing about basic biological facts that they somehow lose their "innocence". There is nothing damaging about knowing this stuff. Quite the opposite - the attitude that knowledge is a bad thing is damaging.

It could be any thing, could be as simple as wee coming from inside a girl wee coming from willys on boys, and shes interpreted it as girls having willys inside.

I dont understand where the maintain their innocence comes from? Do you really think they told your daughter about sex and thats what she means by willy inside her?

My understanding is that something like that may have been mentioned Moomins. That comes from what she is relating to me. WidowWadwam - I certainly don't think knowledge is bad. I just wanted any information like that coming from me. And perhaps not at the age of 2.5.

What exactly is a child who knows how babies are made "guilty" of?
At 2.5 some of her playmates at nursery will have baby siblings born or on the way and will have been asking where the baby came from - and their parents or nursery will likely mention something about a grown man makes seeds to put in a woman's vagina where they meet an egg and grow into a baby. Then the child tells your dd or staff try to correct the story the friend comes out with...

Confusion is the natural state of small children - they figure stuff out but what do you want nursery to do OP? Refuse to answer questions? I agree it's useful to know what odd conversations have happened in the day so you understand more what preschoolers are on about, but that's not specific to sex!

I don't see anything wrong with this tbh

It's not like they've told her about how babies are made

Why not at the age of 2.5? That's the age when my eldest chose a "Where do Babies come from" book in the bookshop and proudly took it with her to nursery next day. She was interested, because she just had a little baby sister.

I'd be very annoyed if a nursery failed to answer questions from children about their genitals and how they worked.

I wouldn't be bothered about this at all. Toddlers do ask questions and regularly misinterpret information. My DD is currently convinced that afternoon is part of the morning, and no matter how many times I say it isn't, she just won't believe me. It can be frustrating when they get the wrong end of the stick, but they do understand things in the end.

My DD is 3 and I have started to tell her about how babies are made. Not the mechanics, but that I had an egg, DH had a seed and she grew in my tummy. I did this because she has got upset about things we did before she was born and thought we left her behind. Saying that she was sort of with us as an egg/seed made her a bit happier. I concede it might not be when I had intended to tell her, but I think it is fine.

At just before 2 years of age ds1 came downstairs one morning to find me on the sofa with an umbilical cord coming out of my vagina, attached to which there was a baby. Small children are perfectly capable of coping with knowing what their body parts are for, how we reproduce (in simple terms) and what differences there are between boys and girls.

I think I am just disappointed the information didn't come from me, as some of you were lucky enough to experience. But from someone else. The age isn't an issue so much - but 2.5 does seem so young. How we tell our children information such as this is a sensitive issue and we all raise them slightly differently, I guess that is why parents give their consent when/if kids are taught sex ed in primary schools. I'll just be sure to make certain that when she has questions I answer them better than some of the information she has already gained elsewhere.

On the bright side at least dd's experience of gaining this information will be much better than my awkward chat with my mother who named parts of the body odd names and gave me a book!