Bossy 2 yo - does this need curbing?

[spritesoright]

DD is 2.4. She is very energetic, affectionate and lately increasingly articulate. Now that she can speak in full sentences I've noticed her being a lot more bossy.
Some examples:
Me: DD, pick that up [which you just threw on the floor]
DD: No, you pick it up!

Me: Good morning DD! Let's open your curtains.
DD: No! Not good morning. No open curtains.

She will also tell me where to sit, what to eat (likes to switch food with me), wants to do everything for herself ('No, me do it!')
I have to admit that mostly I just find it amusing and go along with it although I will call her on things if I feel she has crossed the line. I have heard myself saying 'too bad' on a number of occasions.

But both my MIL and mother have said I should be reining her in more and not letting her 'manipulate' me. Apparently not all 2 year olds are this bossy. She is a first born and has a new sister on the way so I suppose the bossiness could become a problem if her sister can't stand up for herself.

I suppose my question is, is it too early for her to understand the concept of impertinence and isn't it normal for her to be asserting her independence? Or do I need to stand my ground more? Is your 2 year old like this?

There's charmingly independent, and there's rude. You know what she sounds like IRL - if she's stroppy, deal with it. No one likes the rude kid, it's not fair to anyone. OTOH she is only 2 - so be gentle.

Mine was bossy at two, I mostly sat on it but actually, she can still be rather bossy now at 5 even thou she knows she won't get away with it. Don't know who she gets it from

That's a good distinction. To be fair, I just think a lot of it is mimicking back to us what we say to her and she doesn't necessarily understand that she's the child so she shouldn't speak that way to her parents (and maybe I need to think about the way I phrase things to her).

Her most recent phrase to me is " And please don't make a mess" but she also told me "And that's enough!" which I did think was rude.

I think she gets some of it from nursery but it's hard to say.

Mine is bossy. Ds was a dream. Dd has been asked to rephrase several sentences today. From 'you pick my gloves up!' to 'mummy please can you pick my gloves up'.

She's also very good at saying 'please' and 'thank you' and even 'no thank you Mummy' which is very sweet.

Rephrasing is a good way to go about it. I take it DS is the first and DD the second? I heard it was more common for first borns to be bossy.

You could have just described my DS, OP. I just take it as part of normal development. He's trying it on, pushing boundaries and now more than ever, it's essential to have boundaries for him and be consistent! I don't much like being told what to do, and there are times, eg when we're out, that we just don't tolerate it. ("No, you sit in your buggy like a good boy!" etc). I think bossiness is a part of them developing themselves and asserting themselves. However, there are times DS tries it on, and it is helpful to know when he's doing that (we do stamp down on that!) DS is mostly just very independent and will shout "NO!" if I try to help him. I do gently correct him to "Inside voice, DS" and he does understand and he will go quieter usually. If he tells me to do something, I will ask him to say please and usually he will. It sort of takes the edge off if they repeat the "demand" with a "Please" at the end!!!

I don't think its bossiness as such as learning appropriate behaviour. It is acceptable for you to ask your DD to pick X up and put it away but it is not appropriate for her to tell you to put X up and put it away. But your DD doesn't know that yet. My DD would sometimes announce "you've done all of the telling today, mummy, and now it's my turn to do the telling" which made me realise that it must be quite annoying being constantly told what to do. So we introduced a lot more choices provided that they were all win/win for me (so hair first or teeth first; sweetcorn with lunch or peas; shall we buy some pears today or some apples) and I would sometimes ask DD what we should do that day or go along with her idea.

I think it's just normal development. They're learning that using language gives them control over all sorts of things, including people. My ds at 2 1/2 has already figured out that by saying please, thank you gets him somewhere quicker. How do they learn that unless you play along a bit? I think to set boundaries of politeness & who's the parent now will help them positively through this development but surely we can have a bit of fun with it too!

I did something wrong & ds was telling me off, mimicking exactly how I tell him off. It was hilarious & he tried to pick me up, just like I do him. He does the same to his teddies!

I think it's normal OP - in fact I had to check with DH that he hadn't written this!!!
DD is very independent and she picks up on phrases etc. that we use with her. We'll stamp down on rudeness that is evident in tone (or sometimes phrases she's picked up from nursery) and she's been complimented on how polite she actually is, so I think she's just testing / learning.
To answer your question, no it's not too early for her to understand the concept of impertinence and r.e-phrasing if you feel she's overstepped a boundary is helpful to her

Sorry that seems garbled - watching Bake Off!!!

Sounds exactly like my DD. Same age, same attitude. Told DH he had to sit down on his bottom and say sorry because he went through a red light on the way home from nursery! I hasten to add, he didn't commit that particular crime, DD just doesn't quite understand the rules at a right turn

LOL, DD has picked up 'sit down on your bottom' from nursery too. And I agree about the being told what to do all day. It must be wearing and I can understand her bid for autonomy.
DD does this with her teddies too and it's hilarious to watch. Glad to hear this is fairly normal.
I'm hoping she can transfer it into helpfulness when the new baby comes...

I would try to curb it, but do so by modifying your own behaviour!

If you tell her to do stuff, she will naturally think that's how you get people to do things. If you ask her to do things, or suggest doing things together ("please will you pass me the blocks so I can put them in the box", "let's get our shoes on so we can go to the park") then she'll mirror that too.

Yes, ds was first. He is lovely, laid back, chilled, a little lazy but sport loving. Dd is the opposite, lively, chatty, bossy, always doing something...

Ds was always quite involved in desicions and was given explanations for things, I used to talk to him all the time. Now no one can hardly get a word in dd's daily narrative.

My DD is also 2.4. She is exactly as you describe and I think it's completely normal. I don't think 2 year olds understand what 'rude' is.

funny how it's daughter who get labelled bossy. I'm sure boys can be just as bossy.
this behaviour sounds perfectly normal. at that age toilets just don't have the linguistic skill or sense of diplomacy to phase runs nicely. they just state things as they are our want them. often choosing the opposite of what you want just, well, because.

I usually gently correct DS1 when he expresses himself this way.

DS: NO! Don't sit there!! My sit there!
Me: You can ask 'May I sit there please?'

DS: [grabs food off my plate]
Me: You can ask 'May I have some of your food please?'

DS: MIIIIIIIIIINE [tries to grab a toy that DS2 is holding]
Me: You can ask DS2 'May I play with that when you are done with it?'

(Sorry if that all sounds overly trite! I don't speak English to my kids so I'm just loosely translating!)

He might not be able to say the whole sentence but if he makes an effort at asking politely I will usually do it (unless it's something I don't want to do, in which case I respond politely but firmly. I think it's good for him to learn that even a polite question can have an outcome that isn't what he wanted).

I see it as a way of trying to exert control over the world. Toddlers have very little control, a lot of life just happens TO them, so control is an important issue for them. I wouldn't call it 'bossy' (labels can be self-perpetuating and very hard to shake, even in adulthood). Pick your battles and set firm but fair boundaries.

I do think it needs to be dealt with in the manners suggested above, that is, gently and leading by example.

My DDs (one of whom is 2.4 as well) play with a little girl who is VERY bossy.

Her parents certainly seem to take the "charmingly independent" school of thought and giggle when she is extremely rude to them, for example calling her mother fat (!) and I have to say I find it quite offputting. Directly after that incident I heard this little girl calling another child fat at playgroup....Sorry, I know that's going slightly off course as that is beyond just bossy.

Lots of emphasis on rephrasing and, to be blunt, explaining "mummy gets to choose [when we leave][what's for tea] etc" and sometimes just leaving it at that

I have used nice mannered rephrasing with all mine and it does sink in with time and consistency.

I also ask them 'how do you say that politely?'

Sometimes I use humour and turn their demand into something silly