Is our bond completely lost?

[OutNumberedByBlue2]

Ds1 is 2yo & has a massively strong preference for dh for EVERYTHING. It feels like I'm just not good enough & at times like he hates me & it's breaking my heart.

Ds2 is nearly 10 months old & one of the biggest worries I had was the impact his arrival would have on our relationship. Before ds2 arrived I went back to work full time for 3 months (11hr days) & that's when dh obviously took over more of the care & a bit of a preference started. When I came back on maternity leave things went back to normal, I did all night wakings, could comfort him, did nap time as would never settle for dh, bedtime (dh worked late shifts so did them Saturday & Sunday), mealtimes were shared & we had a great relationship.

I knew that a new baby would inevitably change things but I never expected this. Ds2 has had numerous problems that have taken up huge amounts of my time. When dh was at work ds1 was quite happy with me doing things but as soon as dh was home he'd always want him. Dh was made redundant in December & since then it's gone from bad to worse. It's dh for everything comfort related (cuddles when he has a bump etc), dh for nap & bedtime, mealtimes & on the list goes.

He will play with me & talk & interact with me but all on his terms.

Today I tried to do nap time & he screamed blue murder for dh, banging on the bedroom door & hit, pinched & scratched me. As soon as dh appeared he calmed down & threw himself at him for a cuddle.

I miss my little boy so much.

It gets better! Promise! My eldest was 20 months when I had my twins and I was destroyed with guilt and grief for "losing" my little boy! And he would be all over my DP and mum and then throw things at me! He was furious I think!
We got through it by having regular one to one time, driven by him. We'd go for a walk but he would make all the decisions where we went, which path etc for example, all at his pace as I think he was sick of being told to wait whilst we did things with the babies.
We upped his hours at nursery too as he seemed to like the break from the babies and the structure and routine.
Three years on they fight like mad still but are the best of friends and miss each other when we have one to one time.
Hang in there, it's a phase sent to test you! X

Thanks for the reply, I feel like I'm in a right state about it!

He adores his little brother, it's just me he hates. When we've done alone time he spends the whole time asking for dh & can't wait to get back to him. It's pretty depressing tbh. If dh even goes upstairs to the toilet without him we get a meltdown no matter what I try to do, only dh will do.

I really hope it is just a phase but with the distinctly high probability that I'm going to have to return to work full time I don't see how it will get better when he will only see me for an hour or so a day I feel like going back to work will be a blessing in some respects.

Perhaps he sees that it's getting a reaction from you both. When my mother had my sibling I never spoke to her for some time, I loved the new arrival but was so angry apparently. It didn't last and I can't remember it.

Hope you feel better soon, try not to worry.

I was furious when my little sister was born, I am told. I'm sure it's very common! What's your DH doing about it? Does he support your one-to-one time or does he come when DS cries and sort him out? It might help for him to firmly say no, this is mummy time. And then possibly focus on the baby to give you the chance to focus on DS 100%. Apologies if he already does this! I think most things are easier when the adults are a team, and the children see that you both agree and balance each other. It will pass!

Try and seem less needy and instead have lots if fun and be totally silly with him. Make him laugh. Pretend he is a dod or spaceman getting ready in the morning.