How do you deal with back chat?

[Blueberrymuffint0p]

My 4 year old son started school in september and we've had a lot of back chat since. I remind him to speak nicely but it's not really helping. I hate hearing him speak like a petulant teenager! Any advice? Im hoping this will stop as soon as it's started. I understand where it's coming from-he's struggling with the adjustment to school and after been told what to do all day I think it's his way of giving it back!

What do you mean back chat? Can you give an example?

Sorry, yes, generally when he's tired or just in the wrongframe of mind it'll go along the lines of:

Me 'ds, can you remember to wash your hands when you've finished in the toilet please'

Ds 'yes, I know!!' It's the tone of voice more than anything he just sounds really pissed off! (And he ALWAYS forgets to wash his hands so that example isn't me being a nag)

If he's tired, let it go a bit - he'll be knackered after school.

Does he pick it up from you/DH?

When my 4 year old is cheeky, I might joke and say "cheeky beaky!" or "can you say that nicely please?". Usually have to say it a few times. Sometimes I ignore him. It depends on the mood really. I also model good manners - and I've noticed that he actually picks up on that and copies much more than if I tell him what to do. Sometimes I'm quite short with my DH and I then hear ds copying me which is so I try and watch how i talk to others.

I tend to ignore that sort of thing. I can't see a way of dealing with it that won't build it into a bigger issue, and turn into an argument. I don't like it either though. I will be interested to see if anyone else has a better way of dealing with it.

Thanks for the advice. I'll just carry on reminding him tottalk nicely.

He is definitely picking some of it up from me and dh.After a tiring day in work we can be snappy with each other and a lot of the time we don't even realise we're doing it but when you hear that reflected in your 4 year old it sounds horrible! I think we all need to be reminded that even though we're tired we still have to be respectful.

Mine (older now) get "Attitude!" and a stern look, which actually works/ worked quite well! I still sometimes make DS try again if his tone or attitude is rude.

Thanks life-I'll remember that for when he's older!

It's hard to explain to him what I mean by cheekiness
or back chat, I sometimes repeat what he's said in a nice tone of voice so he can hear the difference xx

Shit sorry, ignore those kisses, I know they don't go down well on mumsnet! Im texting a friend while im on here and got mixed up!

DS does this too. He's 5 but same school year. I find if I react straight away it turns into an argument, if I wait a few seconds and say hey, that wasn't very nice, I was just reminding you. I try to change the way I ask as well because I think they get all upset when they think you're babying them.

For example DS got upset because I asked him to tuck the seatbelt under the armrest thing in his booster seat, because "I know!!!" Even though I had seen he had forgotten. So instead i try to give the responsibility to him by saying "well done for doing up your belt, can you remember the last step?" Gives him chance to save face but also gets the task done.

I usually say 'I was talking nicely to you , please can you talk nicely to me'

Or ask 'how can you say that nicely?'