autism

[popsgran]

Should I mention to parents that I think one of their children is on the autistic spectrum? They seem oblivious to his lack of development at 19 months. They have a 10 yr girl and a 5month girl but this boy has no speech but makes noises, avoids cuddles and interaction with others. They laugh that he obsessively spins wheels and seems in a world of his own. he points to part of a toy or object put doesn't play with the toy, wont give a toy back and runs off rather than come to you.I have checked the web sites for diagnosis which wont be done before he is two but I think they should get advice. Shall I keep my mouth shut or gently suggest seeing a doctor?I am his great grandmother and have a good relationship with the family but only see them about six weekly.I cant discuss with my daughter so am lost about what I should do

Why can't you discuss with your daughter?

Many things I would say wait and see, but autism isn't something that there is ever a good reason to leave it and see. It's always a bad idea.

My two both have autism. Early intervention is important.

I always say it, but an assessment does not give an NT child autism but it always helps a child with ASD. so there is never a reason to not assess. nobody has any reason to give a child a dx of a condition that they do not have.

If you can't talk to your daughter, can you talk to your granddaughter?

I'd talk to them directly if needed.

Or have a word with the health visitor.

If you are wrong, then you are wrong. You are raising concerns, if it turns out he doesn't, then that will be the end of it. They may roll their eyes at you but you can cope with that. It doesn't matter.

If they wait until he reaches school age and it turns out he is on the spectrum, then he will have missed out on a great deal of help and support.

my daughter lives 500 miles away and is an alcoholic.I stand in as substitute mum with grandchildren.They avoid her like the plague. You are right I would only be expressing concern. I suppose I am imagining their distress and shock. am a bit scared they may show me the door but its the child who is important here. will start rehearsing what to say

thank you, I looked at the chat chart and completed from memory. from other web sites I can see he shows about five common symptoms.I have been agonising over this for months.I spoke to his other great gran who agreed she and her husband were concerned about him but wanted him to go to nursery saying he was bored.i detected denial .I have a trusting relationship with his dad (my grandson) so I think I must express my concerns.I take on board that nothing will be gained by delay if he needs help.It may be at the back of their minds there is something not right as they were saying that his baby sister will be potty trained and feeding herelf before him. I can see him showing frustration at times when he wants something and has no way to ask.he doesn't point at things and has no speech.The only time I can get continuous eye contact is to play peek a boo with a cushion and make him jump.I can only pray they don't ban me from the house Its not about me is it.at 69 I should be able to take it!

well folks, following your advice I did it. I decided on a letter sent to my grandson on envelope but to both parents on the letter. I expressed my concern, listed what I observed and suggested a GP visit. A few days later I txt to see if they got the letter. GS said yes he would phone me. Had a call from his hands free in car which disconnected three times due to signal change, said they agreed with most of what I said and had made appt with doc. They think he is just slow on uptake. Was cross because I didn't do it during a visit and said partner cried a lot. That was why I sent a letter. I have a 25 mile drive home from their house and didn't fancy being upset myself watching mum cry. Told them Ive said my piece, they are his parents so its up to them. had a call from other granny who had been doing research and agreed with me. other family members also concerned but nobody willing to say anything.At least its in the open now and off my conscience. Thanks for your help ladies

popsgran you are a wonderful Great Grandmother. They are very lucky to have you in their lives. I'm sure it was very difficult for you to say anything and of course difficult for them to hear but you did the right thing.

I've had family members suggesting that DS was autistic. I have been in tears many times over this. He is not on the autistic spectrum, and my advice to you would have been to not say anything. It's really none of your business. The child is too young to be diagnosed by a professional, let alone by someone who has no experience in dealing with children with developmental delays. Some children develop their speech and social skills much later. My son didn't speak before he was three, and now at 6 he is on the gifted & talented register for both maths and literacy at school. You will not know how much of my time I spent worrying over what other people were thinking of us and of him, instead of appreciating what a lovely boy my son was. I wish I had seen this post before today.

But blueberry, surely it's far better to get checked out and find you are worrying over nothing, than fail to intervene early where there are real issues?

I say this as the mother of a child being assessed at the moment, by the way, so I do understand how stressful and upsetting it is.

Parents know their child and make those decisions themselves. They don't need any family members or friends giving advice, especially if they don't have any expertise in the subject, live far away, see the child occasionally, have little knowledge of child development. The grandmother in question should trust that the parents can make those decisions themselves, without feeling that their skills are being judged, observed.

For all I know, the child in question might have a hearing issue. Or display schematic play, which a lot of children do at that age. Why do people have to jumps to the conclusion tht it's autism?

blueberry I agree and was also subject to various people offering their opinion

The usual advice on a "Should I say something?" thread would be to wait until the parents asked for an opinion, and then suggest that they could ask for a referral for an assessment.

I don't think it's a good idea to tell a parent that you think that their child has a particular diagnosis. As Blueberry says, there can be a variety of reasons why this particular little boy behaves as he does.

I wish someone had directed me to consider Autism for my DD1 when she was younger. It could have saved us a lot of heartache.

You've given them some very valuable information and left them to process it and do what they see fit.

I cried a lot of tears when DD1 was diagnosed and again when DD2 was diagnosed. It doesn't mean I disagreed with the diagnosis.

Coming to terms with something like this is very hard and his parent will need a lot of support over a good long time, whatever the outcome. It sounds like they can turn to you for this and that will be invaluable.

thank you.It has been difficult.I only suggested possibilities.The main thing was to get them to see GP. Strangely I hear from the other grannies etc they were all very concerned and muttering between themselves.The elephant in the room has been acknowleged. After a career in social work I have learned how to be tactful.Everyone is still speaking and the proper people are being consulted. result.

But blueberry, anyone who suggests autism based on lack of speech is very ignorant of the condition. Autusm is a communication disorder not a speech disorder although a delay in speech or unusual speech can go hand in hand.

Things that indicate possible autism in a toddler are things like a lack if protodeclarative pointing, lack of showing and sharing, a lack of regular looking to the caregiver to see their reaction or opinion. Alongside these may be stuff like repetitive play, fascination with unusual objects to unusual degrees. So all kids like light switches and spinning wheels but a compulsion to play with a lights switch for an hour without it being possible to distract them could indicate an issue. Ime a child with a hearing issue may display some traits but not across the triad.

If I saw the child of a good friend of family member display these traits and lack of pointing /showing/sharing at post 18mths then I would most definitely say something as I'd feel that whilst it may indeed be nothing it could very well be something and every month counts in terms of asd and early intervention.

So I'm sorry that you had do much upset for nothing but too many well meaning people try to reassure worried mums with the old 'they all get there in the end' line when the sad truth is, a small minority don't and when I see it on here in response to a mum worried about her 2.5yr old who shows very worrying signs it makes me feel that the mum is being let down.

blueberry both my DDs have been identified as gifted and talented in Maths and English. Both have Autism.

Someone raising the possibility for me when DD1 was a toddler could have triggered me reading about Autism, getting her an assessment years earlier and saving her a year out of school and devastating damage to her mental health when she was 12.

I didn't know enough about Autism to consider it as a possibility. I needed someone to tell me about it but that didn't happen until she was 12.

Many people who would comment that a child might be autistic don't know much about the condition, that's my point. 19 months is very young. It's very unusual that anyone professional in the uk (maybe through private healthcare I don't know) would diagnose autism at 19 months. Worries this time around, you clearly know the condition, the op doesn't. Hey, it's done now. But now, professional child-minder, health visitors, nurseries and pre-schools are all involved in raising concerns for children who don't reach the milestones stated in the EYFS on time. Even smaller nurseries will have sencos. Child-minder and nurseries now have to do a two-year check and share concerns with parents.

I agree again blueberry with what you have said. Individuals with no experience who had done a bit of google diagnosis led me into needless worry and a whole lot of expense

I agree, I think there are some major red flags there. A couple of people have pointed out that my son didn't give eye contact as a baby, I hadn't noticed, probably because I have AS myself. I wish they'd told me. An early diagnosis would have enabled me to push for a statement and opened the doors for a more appropriate school for him. Now he is 7 and not reading or writing, the damage is done