Does a shy parent produce shy children?

[twosmallbuttons]

Well I'm not shy exactly but not great at small talk. DD (3.5) often has to be prompted to say hello/goodbye etc, or I have to encourage her to go & talk to her new friends at nursery school.

I suppose I'm conscious of my own introversion - will she have picked up on this from me, or will it just be her nature?

What else can I do to bring out more her outgoing, confident, fun side she displays when with people she knows well?

I'm quite shy in RL, but have produced four extroverts. DP is quite extroverted, though. I tend to think we are what we are when it comes to these traits - just make sure a child feels comfortable in their own self, and confident enough to be themselves.

/homespun poncery

Hello

I think it can be a bit of both learnt behaviour, and just generally how the child is regards to shyness.

Some of your child's traits will come from you, some will come from other people they have regular contact with.

Children generally do need prompting to greet people, even as teenagers you generally just get a grunt from them!

Socialising with other children helps like toddler groups, nursery, the park etc.

I would just keep encouraging her to greet people, communicate at nursery etc.

Thanks for the replies. DD is really lovely, confident and chatty when she wants to be, but can be excruciatingly hesitant at others. She absolutely loves her nursery school now, but I've had to ask the staff to encourage her to make other friends - one of her closest friends is in her class and they usually just stick together!
She's been to toddler groups, swimming, park etc all her life so if used to the concept of socialising. Interestingly her younger brother seems more outgoing so maybe once he's verbal she might be encouraged by him!

I'm an extrovert and my DD1 is very shy and anxious with people she doesn't see regularly.

Think it's just how she was always going to be, as like you, she's always been to groups etc and went to nursery 2 days a week from 9 months old.

I think so. There are exceptions but generally, loud, exuberant families produce loud exuberant children and quieter families quieter children.

I don't think either is a negative quality, though. Shyness isn't necessarily bad.

Introversion and extroversion are highly hereditary. I think the most important thing to do as a parent is support the individual child's nature. If it is suggested that they are "wrong" because they do not want to be the centre of attention and are happy with just a few close friends this can damage their self-esteem. There is a wonderful book called "Quiet - How to be an introvert in a world that cannot stop talking" by Susan Cain. It is a brilliant read and as an introvert and a Mother of two introverts (as well as the wife of an introvert) it has helped me be more accepting of my own nature as well as theirs xx.

Dh and I are shy, but somehow produced confident teenagers who will talk to anyone.

I'm an introvert, DH is an extrovert (can talk to anyone) and our two DCs appear to be extroverts. They are shy for about the first....oooh....minute maybe and then tend to plunge in.

DH works very long hours so I've done lots to try to boost their confidence, made sure they attended nursery to socialise and also met up with friends lots and hosted friends to play, held big birthday parties that kind of thing.

The kinds of things my parents never did. Hopefully they will turn out confident like DH, because he honestly has the gift of the gab and it has done him well in his professional life.

I'm not sure. I'm a terrible introvert (I need quiet time after the school run) and the dc's are spirited will talk to anyone.

But I've forced myself to be social for the dc's sake. Part of the reason they had whole class parties in reception year was to force me to get to know other parents and give them a fighting chance of making lots of friends.

Incidentally, I do think schools are better now at teaching skills that make children confident, like public speaking. My 5yo already can already speak using a microphone in front of her whole school.