My 17 month daughter hits!

[Ingsy457]

My DD hits, slaps, with a weapon if she happens to have one, every time she is frustrated, and sometimes for no reason! How do I stop her? Saying no has no effect, although it seems to work for nanny, and slightly for daddy. And I'm not a sap! I don't let her get her own way all the time, I speak clearly and strongly, I have a 9yo son aswell. She cracked me round the temple with a remote control yesterday and really really hurt me. How do I stop her? Is it too early for a naughty step type punishment? I feel she is too young to understand that yet! Also she sees no hitting or anything in the house, no one hits or anything like that, iv got no idea why she does it!
Oh also tries to bite but I can usually see that coming and move out the way! How do I stop her?! X

Watching with interest as my 16 month old is the same and has been for months.

I would tell her 'I know you're angry/frustrated but no hitting/biting. mummy loves you and you don't hurt mummy' and put her down and get out of the way. Sort of no attention for bad behaviour. I tell her 'gentle hands' and show her what I mean by taking her hand and stroking it on me. Also provide a teething ring or something else for her to bite on as I think sometimes it's her teeth annoying her. Fingers crossed it will get through to her as ds was never a hitter or biter so I'm not sure what way to deal with it. I hope I'm doing the right thing myself as I too feel the likes of naughty steps are too old for her.

All you can do is walk away/ put her down. I think they need to be at least 2 for the naughty step.

My ds hits quite a bit at the moment, he's 20 months but its been going on since about 18 months, usually when tired and has been told no to something he wants. It is very normal behaviour at that age, pre verbal frustration as they can't express their feelings. I read they pick up on your facial expression though, so when it happens I make a sad/hurt face and ask him to look at me and say sorry, we don't hit. Then agree with poster above, I have shown him 'gentle' and stroked his hand gently on my face, so once he's said sorry mummy I ask him to give me a gentle face stroke. He knows it was wrong as he hates looking at me afterwards and usually tries to kiss me or asks for a cuddle.

This might not be everyone's style of parenting, but at that age when DD deliberately hit or bit we picked her up and put her in another room and walked away (everything being safe). It worked within 2 or 3 times. We have only done that for deliberate things that for us are a complete 'no'.

Excellent advice from Morrigu and Appleyumyum - I am a grandparent so have seen all these kinds of behaviours in my own children, grandchildren and my daughter's friends babies. At around 18 months of age children start to exert their own will (often earlier) and I particularly like the advice from the 2 posters I mentioned. Yes they must be told NO - and the implement taken from them and then distraction - it's a great tool is distraction and usually works well.

As for biting this again is very normal toddler behaviour though people get very strung up about it as it is "animal like" but it's no different from pushing, pulling, snatching, and the other kinds of behaviours that we see in young children. One of my daughter's friends is so upset as her little girl (of 2) is the only "biter" in the group of friends although everyone has told her not to worry and she will grow out of it......the poor mother was in tears recently and I told her how my lovely passive adult son who is very soft hearted was a "biter" right up to the age of 3.5 and that made her feel better.

I don't like naughty steps for young children. Express disapproval, explain why it's naughty and then move on.........distract and most of all don't get tense about it yourself as this is going to make matter worse. It's better that children do all these sorts of things at 18 mths/2/3 years and beyond than when they are 18 years..........that's the time to worry!