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Future play date help

13 replies

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 11/01/2014 20:07

So, I have a friend I've known since dd1 birth almost. They are 3, just. Her daughter is blimey, either precocious, spoilt (think Bonnie Langford type), or gifted. Knowing both parents she's no more or less spoilt than my dd.

Polly (for made up name) has since 12 mths clearly been er forward. Her language is streets above our other friends. She just seemed well I'm wary of gifted, I don't know the definitions for that, just either bang on point or just above all others. She can argue for instance like a well I dunno what age, but it's a darned sight more than I expected at 3.

They, her mum and her, came for coffee. First time to ours. All other experience is at soft play or baby groups. Polly argued from stepping in the door. Full on foot stamping, arms punching to the floor, tongue out, "ill scweam and scweam until I get what toy I want". Invariably when dd and her left the room, Polly returned with said demanded toy. My dd was plainly quite bemused. She's openly stated since she doesn't like Polly. Frankly so was I, bemused that is. The mum tried to contain it. It was however eye opening. Almost, dear heavens, um, weird to watch. Polly appeared to know how to wind both the situation and mum up. And boy was she adept. I made light but it's bothered me a bit.

If I didn't know both parents I might question that area. If I didn't know background which is you know similar to ours I might question that. It is to my mind the dd. She is different, just now at least . It's why I'm not in gifted. Could all be same in 12mths.

So, assuming, accurately I want to stay friends with mum who is one of the best people I've met since having kids, how do I manage play dates? Free play went bad. I need experience. I need ideas. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TheBakeryQueen · 11/01/2014 20:18

I can't really see it as a problem that you need to address.

Assuming she isn't hurting your child, then why do you have to do anything?

WipsGlitter · 11/01/2014 20:25

Maybe she was having a bad day? Don't do any more play dates at home? Is it not up to the other mum to manage things?

lljkk · 11/01/2014 20:31

Leave kids at home & go out to pub for a laugh in the evenings.

Lalaloopsydaisy · 11/01/2014 20:33

My little girl sounds very similar to your freinds dd (not gifted but definatly different :-). She was always a pain at play dates with kids her own age so if meeting up with others I would go out to parks and soft play instead. Now she is 4 she is better but it's still not worth the hassle unless it's with someone she wants to be friends with (then she is a little angel).

Jaffakake · 11/01/2014 21:02

For the future you could organise an activity that is an individual pursuit, not expecting them to play together. Each can work to their own ability then. I've done crispy cakes, gingerbread and craft/sticking activities with mine & other kids before.

TinyDiamond · 11/01/2014 21:17

I don't know but my dd is also a bit like the little girl described. she is currently 2.4 and it is REALLY hard to deal with, trust me. Agree that maybe you and the other mum just go to the pub. Smile Mum may really appreciate.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 11/01/2014 21:30

I just took the view we will go to hers. That's how it works. This will be reciprocal. What she never comes again ? Should I suggest an activity? Dunno. Like baking? Dd wasn't hurt. She was intimidated I think. I was. The kid was damn rude. I let her mum deal but well, returning to just soft play is a bit obvs isn't it? Yes probs wrong child to have over often but what? Just feels a bit crap really.

OP posts:
TinyDiamond · 11/01/2014 21:34

Well, if it is mine she is really active. All of the time. So a park meet up, or soft play would be ideal. Lots of space to run off steam and run around. Confined spaces can be difficult.Structured activities such as the baking etc good but only if she is in the mood. Arts and crafts a winner.

CaptainSweatPants · 11/01/2014 21:34

Meet for coffee in a cafe?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 11/01/2014 21:37

Lljk, tiny believe me mums a laugh. Pub def preferred option. I'm not ceasing. I think it's a now issue not forever. Can't be easy for her. But equally don't want mine copying or being intimidated. Maybe we just stay outside houses. Ah well .... Would've been nice to do other stuff . Just not right child. Dunno.... Still not happy on this.

OP posts:
ParenthoodJourney · 11/01/2014 21:39

What lljk said. My longest friend has always been fab. Until she had her PFB. I now limit our friendship to childless outings such as the spa or for a drink, etc.

Sometimes the children come into it, birthdays etc. It's the easiest way to keep the friendship going.

lilyaldrin · 11/01/2014 21:41

Just go to softplay or the park next time.

Toecheese · 11/01/2014 22:07

She's either a high needs kid or one who hasn't had enough sleep and there for feels grotty. The latter is fine, the former may need a little support? Or if your DD really gates playing with the girl, meet the mum in the evenings. I have done this and been quite honest with a friend whose child used to attack mine.

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