Daughter won't sleep in her own bed

[Mikeejf]

Hello, Hope someone can give some advice as my wife and I are at our wits end.

Bit of background...Daughter 3 and a half and son 1 and a half. Son sleeps in cot in our room. Daughter has her own room with full size single bed. Son will move to his own room in the next few months. Son goes down at 7pm and stays asleep until about 7am so no probs there.

We have tried putting our daughter to bed at 7pm and reading her stories until she falls asleep. This sometimes works for about an hour until she cries and asks to come down stairs.

We tend to give in and let her and then she is up until we go to bed sometimes at 10pm. She refuses to sleep in her bed so 99% of the time ends up in our bed and I end up sleeping in her bed.

We have looked on line at what to do and most say you have to put her in her bed and walk away and keep doing this until she gets the message. This is easier said then done. We put her in her bed but by the time we have got to the door (which has a stair gate) she is out crying. If we keep doing this she gets so hysterical to the point she is hyperventilating or crying so much she makes her self sick. How can we leave her when she is in this state.

She is still potty training (well toilet as she won't use the potty) and she is pretty good in the day but won't poo unless she has her pull ups on, which she wears all night.

Its also difficult to just let her cry and scream as we live in a mid terrace house so don't wan't to disturb neighbours and also don't want to wake our son.

Anyone have the number of that 3 day nanny!!!

Any advice greatly received.

Many Thanks

Mike

Stop giving in and letting her. You know what needs doing, it would have been a good idea to do it when you could have used Santa as a bribe.

She's learnt that screaming and being hysterical means she doesn't have to be in her bed.
Either never give in and do the return to bed thing OR give in completely and let her sleep with you.
You can't sort of try to put her in your bed but then let her downstairs and then put her in your bed.
So confusing for the child.
Hope you all get some sleep soon!

i can give you some theory...

have you tried the slow escape? so you cuddle her until she is asleep the first time, hold her hand, sit next to the bed, sit nearer the door, sit outside the door, sit on the stairs etc etc until finally, 1 night you get to eat dinner at a sociable hour

you do the same when she wakes in the night

In practice...

this worked a treat for my ds

dd (3.5) not so much - she goes to sleep in her bed fine but wakes in the night. i'm too exhausted to do this every night so we end up with her in our bed more often than not! It's entirely my fault as i need to persist!

Tied the Santa thing - didn't work.

So when she is hyper and crying so much she makes herself sick, just ignore it!!!

Does she really make herself sick?
First ensure bedroom is a lovely place. Nightlight? Child chooses lovely bedding? Perhaps a special toy to cuddle?
Next make a clear and consistent bedtime routine. Bath, story, milk, teeth etc.
Child put to bed. "Night night. Love you. Etc"
Out of bed.
Say "it's time for bed" put back in bed.
Gets up. This time say "bed"
Every other time say nothing.
Stay calm.

N

No

Oops!trying to say,no I wouldn't ignore an upset 3 year old. Sorry!

Yes she has made herself sick. OK, will try all this again..

The thing is you can't "try" it. Every time you give in she will get more confused. You need to pick a method and stick with it.
Perhaps if the rest of you all sleep together then she feels excluded. Could you set up a campbed and sleep next to her for a night or two?
Or slow escape as already suggested?

Does it bother you that she still shares your bed or is it more because you think that she should be sleeping alone iykwim?

I personally haven't got the stomach for any CIO or harsh sleep training tactics. All mine have slept with me up until the age of 3 or 4 and eventually they sleep quite happily alone.

But it doesn't bother me or DH at all and we have never properly tried to get a child to sleep alone if it hadn't wanted to.

Have you tried talking to her about why she doesn't like sleeping in her bed and how she's feeling? My daughter doesn't like to sleep in her bed (well, she doesn't like sleep at all in the evenings!) but she's reassured and calmer if we talk about her day and how she's feeling. And we managed to get out of her a couple of reasons why she doesn't like sleeping, so we can give her specific reassurance.

She also used to hold out and only poo in the evening with a nappy on when we first started potty training her. That didn't help with bedtime either, and things have been better since she cracked pooing in the potty. I did this by putting the night time nappy on, waiting till she was relaxed and I thought she might poo, then putting her on the potty again. Took a week or so, but she managed it in the end.

Still, we let her sleep in with us as we figure it'll work itself out in the end, and we'd far rather have her sleep than fight over getting her to sleep in her own bed. Tried the putting her back to bed silently technique, but that just resulted in her getting hysterical so I decided not to push it.

I can understand how frustrating it is having a child in your bed.
I'm on my own so don't have a partner to share with. My 4 year old has been coming into my bed at various stages of the night since he was 2. I don't even know when, just that he's there when I wake up. Can't do much about that really if I'm asleep. It's not every night though.
I always make sure he's in his own bed to go to sleep in. Occasionally he will refuse and says he wants to sleep in my bed and it can be a battle but the key is that I insist and he's got no choice. It bath, milk, story and teeth and bed, even if he decides to jump in mine at whatever time in the night.
Consistency is essential. She goes in her own bed and stays there. Perhaps she feels a little jealous and left out with you 3 all sharing a room and feels lonely. Ask her why she gets upset about going on her own bed. Is she scared? What of?
Hope you get it sorted soon and get some sleep.

My son sleeps in my bed.For me it is nice and a natural thing for a child to want. Some cultures wouldn't have it any other way.

Absolutely agree with the later replies. I know it's really hard and co sleeping isn't for everyone,but I'd honestly try something gentle like gradual retreat.