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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Awful, awful behaviour in six year old.

28 replies

timesarehard · 08/01/2014 21:32

I typed a long post earlier and lost it!

I really need some help and advice. My just turned six year old is behaving horribly. Honestly, I really can't convey just how bad it is at the moment. It's as though he's not really there. He is aggressive, ill-mannered, rude, ungrateful. He won't (says he can't) sleep. I just cannot penetrate this hardened exterior he's adopted.

I have been into school and they tell me he's happy and settled, even though he hates school and says it's boring. He is extremely bright and thrived last year in reception. He really hasn't taken to year one.

I suspect his behaviour at home is to do with how he feels about school but I can't get through to him.

Please, any ideas? I'll try any strategy. He's truly horrible to be around at the minute and he's making us all miserable.

OP posts:

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SarfEasticated · 08/01/2014 21:37

My 6 year old is being really horrible too at times, it's like she is acting out all the rude behaviour she sees in the playground. I tell myself that she is just trying the behaviour for size, but it's pretty exasperating. Was your DD ok over the xmas holidays? when did his behaviour change, can you tie it in with anything? sounds terrible for you. Year 1 is much different than reception though so maybe he is struggling but not sure how to deal with it?

lljkk · 08/01/2014 21:38

6 is the worst age ime sorry.

Original poster

timesarehard · 08/01/2014 21:46

I can't think of anything that may have changed his behaviour, although we did lose our dog in the summer and he's really struggled with that.

He wasn't bad over the holidays but I think he held it together to ensure a place on the good list!

I just wish I could have an actual conversation with him. It's so hard!

OP posts:

SarfEasticated · 08/01/2014 22:02

My DD is quite a complex little thing, and gets very cross and angry by imagined slights that happen in the playground when the teacher doesn't see. We often have tears and meltdowns over one remembered argument or another, or dreading the day of the week when her teacher isn't there. I take her along to a cranial osteopath and she mentioned teething being an issue when they are 6 which makes sense. To be honest I pick my battles and try to keep my calm as much as I can. It is a tricky age, they seem to have the attitude of a teenager with the emotional age of a 3 year old. Not a good combo. I find it easier to speak to DD about her problems when we are out over the weekend and when she is happy doing other things. Would that work for you? In your position my DD would be furious at me for not keeping the dog safe or buying her a new one - maybe that's why?
Good luck!

shebird · 08/01/2014 22:23

You have just described my 6 year old OP. I am shocked by her behaviour and attitude over the last few months and despair at how to deal with it. I've tried reward charts, praising positive behaviour, every punishment I can think of and she just laughs. She is happy and well behaved at school so I don't think there are issues there. Here's hoping its a phase that will pass very soon.

NigellasDealer · 08/01/2014 22:25

my son was horrendous when he was 6 tbh

RandomMess · 08/01/2014 22:26

There is a big leap in expectations on them in most schools between reception and year one - it is no longer play based and compliance with rules will be enforced in a different way I should think.

Could that be a factor?

kelper · 08/01/2014 22:28

Sounds like my ds, he turns 6 at the end of this month.
He's like a little teenager, I get screamed at, stuff gets thrown, he stomps to his room and slams the door, it's horrendous :( but then he comes up to me, cuddles me and says, mummy, you do still love me don't you?
When do they calm down?!

Starballbunny · 08/01/2014 22:53

sarf has it exactly, six is a horrid mixed up age.

One minute they want to be all grown up and independent, next they want to be toddlers again.

School expects them to be much more grown up, and there is way less play and much more structured learning. They are often angles at school, but it's hard work and they play up at home.

They are developing a stronger sense of self and of their own and others abilities.

It was great that DD2 learn to read, not so great that she also learnt a collection of put downs to use on her older sister who couldn't.

Similar power games occur in the playground, children speak first often and think later. Feelings get hurt. Add to this the fact that 6y still see fair and unfair in black and white and there are tears.

They limit test like teens, forever wanting the world to revolve around them and throwing toddler tantrums when it doesn't.

There is no good reasoning with a cross 6y. DD2 did a lot of 'going to her room until she wanted to be nice'

Once she'd calmed down you could talk.

There is no cure for the horrible 6's other than time and lots of hugs.

The terrible 9/10's are better because at that age you can give more real choice and the odd bit of freedom. At six you can't really, you just have to wait until at 8ish they develope a better understanding of the world and begin to see things aren't quite so black and white.

AwfulMaureen · 08/01/2014 23:01

My DD is coming up to 6 and DH and I spend our days like and this!

manchestermummy · 09/01/2014 09:19

My DD1 6.3 is also putting us through it at the moment, and she too seems not to be settling terribly well into Year 1. She's a perfectionist and if she gets anything slightly wrong it ends in a meltdown. This has manifested itself in some upsetting anxiety surrounding her return to school after Christmas which has made us all feel sad. She's also learned to be really rather cheeky and is constantly answering back. We tell her it's completely unacceptable and I think she is getting the message. And she also spends time in her room thinking about how to be nice!

What's making life completely joyous at the moment is that I also have a rather spirited three-year-old who has the most amazing tantrums, so if it's not one, it's the other!

Pantone363 · 09/01/2014 09:23

DS is the same

He's taken to winding his sisters up at every opportunity. Poking, annoying, taking things, turning the tv off, throwing cushions.

It's doing my head in

Starballbunny · 09/01/2014 10:18

Yes it's very frustrating and there isn't a huge amount you can do except quietly separate siblings and make sure the 6y doesn't get loads of attention as a result of their wind up antics.

I think a great deal of the horridness, is attention seeking, not quite wanting to grow up and wanting Mum/dad to themselves. This seems just as true for DD2 winding her older sister up as the reverse.

It takes time for DC to see that life runs more smoothly with a bit of give and take. It takes maturity to realise that saying the first clever thing you think of is just as cheeky and nasty at home as at school.

It's the good old catch them being good, praise thoughtful behaviour and deal with bad swiftly and briefly. Some can be ignored, but they are not toddlers, they do know when they have overstepped the mark. Even if only in retrospec

Original poster

timesarehard · 09/01/2014 13:10

Thank you so much everyone. I really do appreciate your thoughts and advice. Whilst I'm sorry that so many of you are also going through the same thing I am also heartened that ds's behaviour is probably normal. I had really started to lose perspective on this and wondered what I had created!

New plan. Remember he's only six. Be calm. Reward positive behaviour. Deal with bad behaviour swiftly. Remember that he's still my gorgeous boy.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/01/2014 13:13

Six is hard hard hard and seven is worse. You are not alone!!! It's honestly not you

Rooners · 09/01/2014 13:14

I seem to remember when either of my elder ones has been really difficult, it was partly frustration (dealing with dyslexia for the eldest - who was by far the most difficult) and partly low blood sugar or tiredness.

Make sure he is having as much fresh healthy food as poss, as little sugar or choc, and no coca cola etc at all - and also try and make sure he gets enough sleep and as little screen time as you can muster.

Sorry, it is horrible trying to deal with a child who won't listen, or can't listen xxx (ps - I gather any SEN has been ruled out?)

MrsCakesPremonition · 09/01/2014 13:22

Your DS sound like my 5.5yo DS, right down to saying he can't sleep.
It seems to help if I baby him a bit at home. I think he finds school quite stressful and a bit of climbing into my lap and cuddling like a baby with a bit of baby talk thrown in seems to comfort him and reassure him that he is still my cuddly baby and not expected to be grown up all the time.
But it is tough going at the moment.

SarfEasticated · 09/01/2014 16:18

I agree about the babying, good point, it is a bit scary for them I think, this growing up business. I have good results using the rescue remedy sleep spray with my DD, but she is constantly trying to find ways not to go to bed, pushing boundaries all the time. She never really did it before so I guess it was always going to happen at some point!
Good luck all of us! [encouraging grin}

Toecheese · 11/01/2014 08:11

Could he be exhausted?

Also reception is mostly play. Year one is quite a large academic jump with much higher demands and expectations. Not all children like this change.

Toecheese · 11/01/2014 08:11

More early nights?

SilveryMoon · 12/01/2014 09:11

My 6yo is being awful at the moment too. Really testing. He is angry, verbally aggressive and is very happy to wind everyone up to the brink of a breakdown.
He name calls, he shouts, is exhausting.
I've read a few threads on here this morning about this, so relieved that it seems pretty normal, but scared I'm going to have to be harsher than I've been before.

MummyPig24 · 12/01/2014 17:49

We have days where ds is aggressive (shouty not physical) and anxious and says he can't sleep. He's also 6. School has really stepped up a gear in year 1 and whilst he is one of the oldest, coping well and very bright, it's a lot to take in.

I give him lots of opportunity to talk and never dismiss any concerns he has. That definitely helps, as does a bit of one on one time (we have a nearly 4 yo too). Ds has always been a bit of a boundary testing child so I have to be firm. I find lots of praise and rewarding good behaviour works very well. I try and be as positive as I can but it's very wearing when he is in one of those moods.

Reedie1987 · 21/02/2025 18:02

@MummyPig24 its a long shot you seeing this but how did things turn out?

Reedie1987 · 21/02/2025 18:07

@manchestermummy it’s a long shot you will see this but how did things turn out for you and your 6 year old? Currently going through a hard phase with my 6 ye old xx

Reedie1987 · 21/02/2025 18:08

@SilveryMoon long shot you will see this but how did things progress? Your child must be a teenager now - I’m stuck in the 6 yr old phase currently - how did things turn out for you xx

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