Feel mortified my dd bit a child at nursery

[addictedtolatte]

My dd is 2 years and 4 months old and attends a private nursery. Today a member of staff explained to me she had bitten a little girl due to a battle over a toy. I was horrified and said I would deal with it as best I could. I wasn't told the name of the girl she had bitten so couldn't apologise on my dd's behalf. As I was getting my dd ready to leave another parent whom am friendly with mentioned her dd had been bitten. I came clean and admitted I think my dd is the culprit. I apologised refutely and assured her I would deal with this as best I could. The girls mum was very understanding and was very forgiving thank god.

I just feel awful my child has done this and was hoping for some tips to make sure it never happens again. I also think I may of got the staff into trouble as I didn't realise they hadn't told the mother of the girl it was my daughter who did it and then I went and opened my mouth being the honest person I am :-(

I work in a nursery and can tell you that this behaviour is perfectly normal. Not in the slightest bit desirable, but normal. The staff have to tell you because they will now need to take measures to ensure your child doesnt bite again. They will most likely "shadow" her to ensure that they can react very quickly to the next bite, and if she does make contact, to ask her to sit in time out and then talk to her about her behaviour and ask her to say sorry, or give the other child a hug, depending on her level of speech.

Obviously each nursery is different, but why not ask the staff what they do and then copy their method for consistency?

Some children bite profusely for a long period of time, and then stop. Others bite sporadically. There is normally a trigger eg too many children in confined space, toy battles etc.

they ALL grow out of it :)

Thanks blurryeyegirl makes me feel a whole lot better to hear it's quite normal. I do hope they do shadow her as I hate the thought of her hurting someone else :-(

It is pretty common, I was at a toddler group when my dd was 12 weeks old, me and another mum were just getting coffees and her 2.5 year old ds just walked straight up to my dd who was asleep on a mat and bit her on her nose. He had never done anything like it before, he did draw blood, and mum was horrified, practically in tears about the whole thing. These things happen there was nothing we could of done about it and from then on mum shadowed her ds like a hawk, he grew out of it, but it didn't happen overnight.

My DD has been bitten a couple of times, she's also been the biter a few times. I actually feel worse when she's been the biter. It's not that uncommon.

Oh cathpip that must of been awful for you. I will be watching my dd like a hawk from now on.

Simlondon I do feel awful my dd is a biter and I will probably be awake half the night worrying. I am a stress head. Glad to hear it is a normal phase. I will just have to count the years for it to pass then all I will have to worry about is the teenage years

Very common :)
The setting should have strategies in place to 'nip it in the bud' (excuse the pun) and the bitee parents ALWAYS feel worse than the bitten one's.

My youngest was a biter - none of the older ones had ever even thought about biting, I don't think. I did the walk of shame from toddler groups on many, many occasions. He grew out of it, thankfully.

Don't feel bad - some kids just bite. Zero tolerance, immediate removal etc - your DD will get the message.

Dd went though this (prob only 3 times but felt like more). I think they just get frustrated and can't communicate properly. She will stop, just keep explaining why we don't do that and what she should do instead.

I've been there OP and felt the same as you. My DS was the same age as yours at the time. We had a very long talk. We stressed the 'rules - no hitting, no biting, no kicking' at every opportunity. And made him repeat these rules to us. We told DS if he felt angry about something, if someone had hurt him or taken something fron him then he was to speak to one of his nursery teachers.

It turned out to be a one off event. Most children will do this at some point.

Karma for my DS was about a month later he was the one that got bitten (by a totally different child).

I work in a creche and I would totally agree with the poster who says it happen but passes in the nursery she works in. My creche is the same. happens and just needs to be addressed.

I wouldn't worry about getting any staff into trouble by the fact that you twigged who the other child was. They are not allowed to tell you thats all.

If I was the other mom I would be very pleased that you talked to me about it. It would tell me that you don't find the behaviour acceptable and will be trying to change it. I don't see how anyone could expect anything more from you.

First of all they're not allowed to tell you who she bites/hits etc.

Secondly, lots bite. Some hit. Some kick etc. it's perfectly normal although not desirable.

Don't dwell on it. Find out how to nursery deal with it and implement that yourself if it happens when she's with you.

DS was a biter. He drew blood on his 9 month old sister once and scared himself. He hasn't bitten since.

Thanks everyone for your wise words :-)

Inkspellme the mother of the child was pleased that I was honest about what happened and she did seem genuinely forgiving which is a relief. Am glad I didn't get member of staff into trouble if that's the case that they arnt allowed to divulge the full info.

It's in case the parents get involved and have a go at other parents.
Of course most children tell the parents who did it anyway but the logic behind it is sound!

Hi had a long convo with dd this morning she seemed to be listening. Just picked her up and no problems occurred. She was as good as gold apparently

Only have my other 10 problems to deal with now lol

1. Aspergers layden nephew going a bit rebel
2. My dad having non stop blood transfusions

3 my sister having an almost breakdown ........ The list is endless

My DS bit someone at nursery the other month and he was over 3 so should have been well past the biting stage and its a first time he had ever bitten another child. I felt awful but fingers crossed he hasn't done it again