Does my child have a behaviour problem / adhd ??

[lizi18]

Hi everyone Im looking for some advice and opinions on my little girls behaviour. To be honist she has always been really well mannered , behaved and slept straight threw. This past 6 months shes completely changed and i really dont know why specially over past few weeks. Shes really good with her talking but abrupt very aggressive, does not listen, wont play with any toys longer than 2/3 minutes, very figity and doesnt sleep well. She will whinge and cry 7/8 times in the night sometimes not saying anything sometimes its because her blanket isnt folded straight, she always tidies up and stops eating if anything gets on her hands she starts panting if theres anything on her clothes, if one strand of her is stuck on her or one of her toys. And lately shes been having the worst tantrums. They started at night were she was waking up screaming like she was possessed throwing herself around arching her back banging her head on the bed and radiator this would usually happen once a night but yesterday i picked her up from nursery and she did it outside wouldnt walk i tried putting her in the pram and had to force her in she threw herself backwards and managed to throw herself out of the pram almost hitting her head on the concrete floor i had to go to a family members house close n get a lift home incase she really hurt herself. Shes been the same today screaming because i told her we was going tesco then we had to nip to my mum first its like she likes routine and once you tell her whats going to be happening if anything changes she gets angry. Shes just aggressive and walks round the house tipping chairs over throwing things big heavy toys. She can be good for about an hour overall a day but as im a first time mum it upsets me because i dont no how to deal with it shes always had paddys like any other child but the past few months shes doing it in crowds of people beyond control and then shes struggling get her breath back because shes so stressed Also when she is having an extreme tantrum she wont look at me she wont talk or respond to anything im saying and just opens her mouth and eyes really wide n screams its awful please any help ?

Don't know if I can help but didn't want to read and run. How old is she? Has anything changed at home? How do you deal with her when she is tantruming??

Hiya shes 3 at the end of april ive tried raising my voice , naughty step ignoring her being firm but nothing seems to work when she does tantum at home its asthough shes in her own world and blocks us out everything at home is still the same it baffles me

Has anything changed recently to unsettle her? Starting nursery maybe?

Sometimes a change in their normal "routine" can cause them to misbehave. I have to say from your first post it doesnt seem ADHD type behaviour comparing it to my DS (who is dx as having ADHD is on medication) but I know people are different and I am just words on a screen.

I would speak to nursery, see how she behaves there and voice your concerns. :)

Sounds as if she is trying to find her positioning the house and is pushing the boundaries!!

If she doesn't look at you then you don't exist and she is still in charge.

Have you got a safe space you could put a big bean bag and when she starts just put her on the bean bag and leave her to scream it out.

Have you tried a reward system?? Could try putting marbles in a jar every time she does something good however tiny to work towards a reward. Also you can remove marbles if naughty.

Think the main thing is to be consistent. If she thinks that she has won even a tiny battle she will do more next time.

My oldest child was like this. We had to be really firm and it took awhile to get through. She is 14 now and lovely though.

Don't know if this helps at all. Feel free to ignore

Yeah she started nursery in september and loves it but shes there a couple hours a day they said shes ok there but there is a lot of kids there and i just wonder if they wont notice everything shes doing i no 2 kids have bit her twice but im not sure if thats because shes done something to them or not other than that theres nothing else. she was starting off before she started nursery i sent her there thinking it would help get her mixing with people its how its so extreme and deep down somethings telling me its not normal im just struggling a bit and feel daft ive teared up when its happening because im unsure how to deal with it

Marble Jar is an excellent idea. We have used it with all our boys. It didnt work with the one who has ADHD though, ADHD means he cannot control his behaviour nor did he understand the consequences.

How is she in nursery? Have they mentioned anything?

When mine were that little, they used to be good as gold in school but act up at home! It wore me down.

And I am about to go through it again

Yeah my partner always says she rules the house hes quite strict with her and before she wouldnt push either of us but lately its just one extreme to another over the silliest of things and very panicky ive read it could be an emotional behaviour problem but theres different symptoms from different condions even my mum and dad have tried to tell her off when ive been with them but shes exactly the same i might try a reward chard although shes nearly 3 am not sure she will understand i always ask her what was wrong and why was she crying and she just says i dont know hopefully it will get easier as she gets older :)

ah just seen shes 3 at the end of April! My youngest is 3 next week, hes the same! Aggressive, testing, breaks things, throws toys, its most definitely an age thing!

Tantrums, ignore ignore ignore, obviously make sure shes safe, I know friends who have had kids who will headbutt the floor, instead of ignoring they hold them tight and ssh ssh them till they calm down.

Be persistent, no means no and not no a few times then give in (not criticizing you at all, we've all done it for an easy life lol)

Reward good behaviour and dont give the bad behaviour too much attention.

Re: the sleep thing, I have read a lot about sleep regression. I am convinced they go through it during the second year too. ALL of mine (3 boys) have regressed sleepwise when 2. DS3 is a nightmare at the min, awake 3 times a night and starts the day at 5am! I actually saw a community Paed today, he was referred last year because his behaviour was mimicking his brothers (who has ADHD). Consultant was happy that the behaviour hes showing is normal 2 year old behaviour :)

Im not 100% sure ive asked them but they say shes been good they only really tell you if they harm another child i might pull a member of staff over tomorrow and just explain see if they can keep there eye on her was thinking of ringing my Health Visitor aswell see if she can help

At 3 I thought my child had problems. She had very little eye contact, would line up toys, repeat phrases over and over and have terrible tantrums.

It was an awful time and I question bed myself continually. The only thing that worked was being really firm with discipline, consistently rewarding good behaviour and working as a team with my DH.

She worked through it. At 14 she is very bright at school but has always had social issues. It has taken til the last couple of years to form good friendships. Don't really know why I am telling you all of this. Suppose to show that it is hopefully a phase and you will both come put the other side!!

Obviously the tantrums stopped long before 14!!!

Hey, i totally understand your frustrations, been there! I could only suggest what others have already stated: this is a time where a 3 year old is trying to identify themselves in the world (in your daughters case - her mums world) I believe very strongly that your own reactions toward her behaviour are what count. She is probably a total different child when not in your presence. It's very hard to ignore your child but how you react could be significant. I would suggest you show her absolutely no stress or aggravation when she behaves like this and even ask her questions about why she displays that type of behaviour (not always easy when kicking and screaming lol) it's difficult to identify something like an emotional issue or ADHD as it could just be an age/development thing. Whatever the situation always show that your always in control and never give in. Hopefully it will pass and if it anything more serious or your concerns grow consult your GP. :)