As background - my husband has asperger's syndrome and so does our 16yo son who was diagnosed after several years of me trying to convince the HPs that there was something different about him - the process of having him assessed and diagnosed made us understand what DH's issues have always been - he read a book about asperger's cover to cover in one night and when I woke up the next morning he was sitting in the chair, where I left him the night before, crying his eyes out and saying "I understand me at last" I am sure suspect my FIL has AS and also two of DH's siblings show traits.
We have an older son who is neurotypical (as much as any teenager is!) but it's our almost 7 year old who has me stumped.
Generally he is very well behaved and polite (much like DS2) and likes to know he's doing the right thing. He is quite academic and generally enjoys school and works hard. He can be obsessive about things but not disruptively so. It's mornings like today that throw me and make me think he might be on the spectrum too. He's showing a behaviour we very rarely, if ever, saw from DS2. If he is worrying about something or something isn't as he expects he gets really angry and seems like he loses control of himself. This afternoon I have a training course after school and had arranged for him to go to a friend's house, that arrangement changed as she was no longer able to have him so I arranged for him to go to another friend's house - he was OK with that until he realised that a mutual friend (of his and the friend he's going to play with) will be there too. He then kicked off big style and refused to go into school. I ended up half carrying and half dragging him into school with the help of the TA (who had, thankfully, come out to speak to me about something unrelated) while DS3 was trying to trip me over and kick me. There seems to be no middle ground with him, he's either polite, articulate and well behaved or kicking, grunting and out of control.
Does this sound like asperger's or similar? I've tried really hard not to 'see what's not there' but it's getting to the point that I can't ignore it or tell myself 'it's because he's hungry' it's because he hasn't slept well' etc.
I'm also not sure of any 'next step' as a lot of the time he's charming and well mannered - someone assessing him on a good day would struggle to understand my concerns I'm sure.